friends.

so i actually made it to jerome's birthday party.. (Happy Birthday dude!!) but i didn't know that it will turn out to be a disaster.. well, not exactly a disaster, but it just didn't turn out the way that i wanted.. but i'm glad that jenn hoel is there for me. once more.

and i hurted jerome's feeling without realising.. well.. i was just saying what exactly on my mind that time.. which is.. "i ONLY trust jenn hoel.." honestly, he's the only one whom i trusted among everybody else present yesterday night. ok.. i was a lil tipsy.. a lil emo.. and i cried.. i finally told jenn that i actually missed him a lot.. it's been few months since we talked. i told him that he don't seem to care anymore.. but i was wrong. i know he still care for me.. and i know why he don't want to talk to me for the past months.. because i did something that he doesn't like me doing. because i did something that everybody was against me doing.. well, almost everybody..

and i accidently injured myself last night. i didn't even know what happened.. i didn't even know how it happened.. i only realised that my hand was bleeding heavily.. blood all over my wrist.. (no, i did not cut my wrist.. it's the joint..) they said that i fell and cut myself with those broken glasses on the floor.. some said i broke the glass myself.. i have no idea which one is the truth.. fucking painful this morning.. another lesson to learn.. NEVER get drunk and try to walk fast. -_-:

not so happy lately.. i wonder where is everybody when i needed someone to listen to my silence.

i felt like talking to harvey now. but i couldn't call him... i don't know how to get him..



[music on air]
some chinese song.

[current mood]
depressed.

[quote of the day]
be strong. everything will be fine soon.

[next station]
talk and smoke with michelle.

The Rain.

it's funny how fast feelings changes. how serious a person can think.

i met Lisa, a friend back in Stamford's foundation. she's working there as a receptionist now. studying part time at Systematic. it's been a while since we see each other. so we had lunch together and talked bout our recent life. without knowing, i learned something new from the conversation today.

it rained the other day... and it reminds me of how much i miss the rain.. it's been a while since i sat down at one corner and watch the raindrops. i've always liked the rain.. i've always liked watching the rain and walking in it..

i kept wondering how certain things would turn out if certain things were to be done in a different way. how a person would feel if different words were to be used in a same situation. how strong a word can be in different situation.

i wonder why people tend to say things when they don't mean it. do things when they don't want to. make promises when they know they can't keep.



[music on air]
hed kandi's.

[current mood]
down.

[quote of the day]
win yourself before thinking of winning others.

[next station]
sleep.

the wedding..

the photos.

the bride. 

the hooi siblings and the newlyweds. 

on the way.. 

smiles~ 

she's my mommy's younger sister.. hehe.. 

that's my mommy's daddy.. 

i'm wearing debb's dress. 

and she's wearing my dress.. 

two piggies. 

heeee... 

me and cousie, peijun. 

us! 

debb and desmond.. love them! 

debb and denise 

me posing..  

debb posing 

kiss the bride!! 

me and aunt yin 

three monkeys from my dad's salon.. 

debb and the pau! 

what is love and relationship?

i woke up at 7a.m. this morning and i saw harvey online... we talked a while and i went back to sleep. things are totally different now. i don't know what is wrong with me.

i don't know who to turn to now. last weekend, i went to my sister's place for afterparty. so, i was sitting at the balcony of her 13th-floor condo alone, smoking a cigarette.. i was doing some thinking.. and i looked down at the swimming pool, which is not so far away from her block. as i was looking down, i wonder.. "how it's gonna be like to jump down from a tall building like this? what is the feeling when a person is going down?? how it feels when a person landed from the jump???" i was so curious that time.. and suddenly, i felt a chill from my neck down to my spine.. i got paranoid and went in the house to avoid other unthinkable scene to happen. it's funny how a person's mind work during certain times. and it's scary too..

so, few hours after that, i went back to the balcony for another cig.. this time, korkor is with me.. he knows i'm not feeling good. i told him i wanted to talk.. but nobody wants to listen anymore. he told me that he'll be there whenever possible.. and he told me.. "it's okay to let it out.. it's okay to tell me.. BUT.. no emo emo, no cry cry ah...." (hehe) he's nice.. though he's always with his harsh tone and all.. but that's just the way he brought himself in the public.. with his behaviour, people won't dare to undermine him.. i seriously respect him for being able to control his emotions well. (korkor, if you're reading this, i really meant what i said... love you!!! muahxxx!!!) so i told him what's bothering me.. too bad i didn't have the chance to finish what i was telling him.. but i'm sure there'll be next time.. *winkz*

one good thing i like bout hanging at my sister's place is that... her friends are super nice people.. i know they won't let me down (in terms of comforting and protecting me).. they really have the ability to make me forget bout my problems and enjoy myself..

i know they love me and they will protect me if whatever shit happens to me. *grins*

well, sometimes, i wonder what is a relationship.. and what is love...? i'm sure there are different interpretations on those terms..

just wanted to share my thoughts..

love is not about taking and keeping.. it is not about dominating and conquering.. not hoping too much.. not just waiting for something to happen.. not about "you" or "me"..

it's about giving and learning how to let go.. sharing and giving in.. to make things happen and go through it together.. it's about "us".. it's about understanding and not to take anything too personal.. it's about being sensitive and alert..


[music on air]
yesterday by the beatles.

[current mood]
lagging.

[quote of the day]
learn to stand up yourself after a fall, so that you won't be afraid of falling in the future.

[next station]
tv time...!

What Can Happen In A Week.

so i was trying to be a good daughter lately.. lol!! serious!! i stayed at home the whole weekend, i go to college everyday.. (well.. ok.. not today cos i skipped computer lab..), i go home after class.. i watch tv at home.. i hang around at home... well, the point is.. i didn't go out late at night already.. which, my dad thinks, is a good thing since i started class. and yea.. i kinda made a promise to people around me that i'm not going out on weekend nights until my holiday starts... bad promise eh?? but i still think that i can do it.. hopefully.. lol!!

so anyway, i've got my pc fixed... (thanks a bunch to jerome!!).. and finally, harvey responded to my "rage" by sending an offline text to me the other day. and yes.. we IM the day after and i felt better. and THAT was the only time that i feel good. and after that, all back to square one... -_-:

i'm so not going to try hard anymore.. i'm sick and tired of it.. i think i'll use another way to deal with this kind of situation.. which is..... to be a copy-cat.... simple right?? do what he's doing. he keep quiet, i'll shut my mouth.. i'll just follow what he's doing.. fair and square. he don't care, i'm not going to care too.. i've never believe in revenge, but sometimes, we really HAVE to be evil... sigh~


[music on air]
collide by howie day

[current mood]
better than worse

[quote of the day]
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Theodore M Hesburgh

[next station]
zZzzzZZzZz

so, i went late to college today... class at 10a.m. but i reached there at 10.30a.m. went in the class, no chair, went next door to take one, he locked the door. ugh! so i decided to wait for the 2p.m class.. went to mid valley for lunch with amanda and daphne... went back college around 1.20p.m.. brad said wanna eat.. accompanied him but i decided not to go for the 2p.m. class since i was gonna be late.. so i waited at main block with brad's laptop.. thought of going for the 4p.m. class.. but then again.. the devil was right beside me, telling me not to go, better go home and sleep... aih... so i went to college for nothing today...

hmm..
too many things happened lately... but i think everything will be okay soon.. hopefully.... though things aren't always as good as it seems, but i think nothing is as bad either..



[music on air]
breathing by lifehouse.

[current mood]
swingy.

[quote of the day]
he could be anywhere in the world, but he chooses to be with her cos life is better with her by her side.

[next station]
knit.

merdeka eve after party...