fuck!! love is really blind...

all this while, what i tried to do is to make him happy.... and now... what do i get?? mistrust.. (never mind).. scolding... (that's his nature... ego.. -_-") .. we loved each other more than anything in this world, we know that... but just because of some stupid stuff.. it ruined everything... i cherish this love.. i never regret those things that i've sacrificed just to be with him.. because i know one thing.. "you lose some, you gain some"... i've been trying to save and keep this relationship... but seems like its beyond my control... the more i care, the worse it gets...

everytime i think of the days without him, i became so weak that i couldn't even think properly... i'm so used to having him around me all the time.. each and every possible seconds, minutes, days... i don't mind if he doesn't trust me... as long as i'm doing the right thing.. it doesn't matter anymore.. i don't mind if he scold me every possible chances that he get.. cos i know he'll be okay after a while.. cos i know it's his temper.. it's him... i don't mind if he never calls.. cos i know that he's busy.. cos we see each other everyday..

i just want to be loved.. to be protected.. to be appreciated.. i'm a human.. i have feelings too... the most important thing is.. i'm a girl.. i love to be pampered too...! i know i'm not as weak as it seems... but i can't pretend to be strong when i'm not feeling strong at all...! i always thought that i can handle my emotions well.. but i'm wrong.. i became so weak now...

why i have to sit here and cry all night when i supposed to sleep soundly and wake up in the morning, pretend that nothing has happened?? only one answer to this question... is that i really love him and i'm not ready to let it go.... i don't think i'll be able to let it go... call me stupid, call me idiot... it's love that made me what i am now..


[music on air]
R.E.M-Imitation Of Life..

[current mood]
super down

[quote of the day]
like i said earlier... you lose some, you gain some

[next station]
dreamland... my world..

la~ la~ la~

well, it's been a few weeks i didn't update this... hehe... well.. there's so many things happened lately.. with all the troubles that has been hunting me, i felt like there's not enough air for me to breath in..

sometimes, i felt like i'm trapped within myself.. i don't know what to do, i don't what i'm doing and sometimes, i don't even know why i do certain things.. i do things that i couldn't even figure out the reason i did it.. sometimes, i don't even know what i'm thinking while doing other stuff.. i'm like... so into my own world that i almost neglect the real world.. i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. and i don't even know what it is.. my mind is working, but i just don't know what it is.. perhaps i didn't even do the thinking.. perhaps my mind just shut down for a few seconds?? or maybe.. it's totally blank?? boy! i don't even know what am i writing now!! ^O^

well.. i felt like a useless person lately... skipped few classes.. skipped work... skipped dinner today.. sigh~ i not sure of what i'm doing and i don't know whether it's right or wrong.. good or bad..

ugh... a lil moody lately.. i guess it's normal.. moodswings in "the time of the month".. ;)


[sounds on air]
the sound of the air-cond and the washing machine.. -_-:

[current mood]
not so cheerful..

[quote of the day]
biar LAMBAT, asalkan selamat... *wink*

[next station]
*ngrok*ngrok* zzZZZzzZzzZZzzz

STILL in the lift.. -_-" 

on the way back, waiting for the lift... 

zoukfest '05 with my sista!!  

in a confusion...

well.. pretty much a wonderful weekend i had... went to zoukfest with debb and her friends and mie... it was a great and wonderful night.. met quite number of old friends, juniors and seniors there.. the party was excellent! two thumbs-up!! :)

well i had a great weekend..but i'm not feeling quite okay lately... i felt different.. i sensed changes in myself.. felt a bit weird lately.. i don't know... i just don't feel so happy-go-lucky anymore.. i don't know why i felt that way... i kinda felt a lil left out..

sigh~ i thought i'll be happy... but now... i'm not enjoying myself like a 20 years-old should..

i'm starting to hate myself now.. why does shitty things always happens to me? it's so unfair... i'm supposed to be happy.. and i deserved to BE happy..

sigh~
i just want a simple life.. that's all.. am i asking too much? all i want is a lil bit of attention... to be noticed.. is that really too much??... i don't know anymore... i'm tired...





[music on air]
hoobastank-the reason

[current mood]
still confused and a lil depressed

[next station]
BED!!

[quote of the day]
don't expect too much, you'll lose more.

eh?

just another bored day... met mie today.. he sent me to college... waited til my class ended... well.. he's quite patient though.. waited there for two hours.. :) then went to mapley and had roti planta...

mie asked me to just "scold" him whenever he didn't want to listen to me... well.. for me.. i'd rather let him realise his mistakes himself than just burst out whenever i got the chance.. it's good that he actually realised that sometimes i'm also right.. :) i admit that i'm actually a very hot tempered person... but i don't know why i never really lose my temper in front of him... well, i AM hot tempered.. but i listen and reason out before anything happens.. unlike him.. burst out whenever things goes wrong.. well, that's him.. and perhaps just because i know that's his "style" of handling stuffs, i can cool down easily... can't be hot tempered at the same time, right??

hmm... until now, i still feel that nobody really understands me.. they always thought and judge me by what i do... not WHY i do it... perhaps i don't know how to express my feelings? i don't know... well.. lately, i felt like.. i'm becoming anti-social... i don't initiate any conversations with my new classmates.. i don't smile... and i don't even look at them... i remember back in Stamford, i'm the one who take the initiative to talk to the person beside me.. i'm the person who talk back to the lecturers... i'm like.. the class' clown... i made them laugh.. i made them talk... i bring everybody together... but now..... i'm nobody to everybody and i'm making everybody a nobody... i wonder if this is a good thing for me or not...

sigh~ i hope things will get better soon...




[music on air]
Canon In D Major

[current mood]
a lil confused..

[qoute of the day]
When you accept a task, do it whole heartedly..
If you turn down a task, leave it willingly..

[next station]
zZzzZZZzzZzz

it's been six months...

without even realising... it's been six months i'm in a relationship... in this six months... i've learnt a lot... and i know i won't stop learning... new things happens each and everyday... new words blurted out from our mouths.. new silly "sambil-sambil" jokes on the scooter... it's like... each and everyday is a new beginning of our relationship... i felt that we're like.. a couple who just started going out for a few days.. lol!! i love him more everyday... although we always argue about those tiny lil things..but i know deep inside, we love each other more than anything.. well, it's normal for a couple to argue once in a while..

well, i've never thought that there's still someone who love me so much though i'm not as great as any other girls out there... i know i'm not his dream girl.. and i know i'm not a perfect girlfriend to him.. but i'm trying my best to be the best... though it's not an easy thing to do, but i know i'm trying.. of course, in the process of being a better person, i sure did something that get to his nerves..but hey, i'm still learning.. *wink* and nobody is perfect...





[music on air]
Babyface-What If

[current mood]
extremely happy.. ^O^

[quote of the day]
love is to forgive and forget..

[next station]
*ngrok*ngrok* zZzzZZzZzz