the result.

michelle came to my place and stayed overnight the other day. we reached home around 2a.m. that day and my dad was awake, taking care of my grampa, who is sick. grampa woke up in the middle of the night for a cup of oatmeal and a slice of bread beofre taking his medicine. so i asked daddy to go back to sleep and i'll wait til grampa finished his meal and give him medicine. so while i was patting grampa's neck, michelle looked at me with a sad expression. i asked her what was it.. and she told me that i'm very fortunate. to have a chance to take care of my grampa. because she doesn't have that chance. and i felt bad. that i normally don't really care for my granparents a lot. well, it just doesn't seem to be enough care and effort that i put in. perhaps i should start caring for them now.. because i still have them with me. many people that i know have lose their grandparents when they're still a kid. some never even have the chance to get to know them. so i'm considered lucky. to have all my grammas and grampas with me now.

so i finally done my finance assignment. but i missed out one point to write in the report. the recommendation. ugh. it's okay.. can't expect too much for a last minute job. anyway today i found out that my previous marketing assignment's result. a got a 13%. and he'll take 20% out of it for the final. i'm in deep shit. think i'll prepare for retake. damn.


[music on air]
butterfly by micheal jackson.

[quote of the day]
what if there's only today and tomorrow is still a doubt?

[current mood]
bad aura surrounding me today. i feel down.

[next station]
marketing assignment!

the assignment.

so i went to fana's house to do our finance assignment which is due on monday. i have no idea how to do it actually. but then.. it turned out to be a really simple common sense mathematics. we cracked our head for one hour or two and finally, we did the counting part correct. but we still have a report to write. seriously, i don't know how to write the report. i'm really weak when it comes to writing reports. so i guess i'll just wait til tomorrow and discuss with them on msn messenger. hehe.. at least we finished the first part. *grins*

can't wait for the college ball. it's next friday. i hope fana can make it tho. it's the first time i felt so excited over a dinner ball. i remember last year, i went to stamford college's ball thingy, and my friends forced me to go. yes. they forced me. they bought the tix and dragged me to the costume shop and picked me an arabian costume. i have no choice but to go. it sucked. the food was terrible. the environment was crappy. the people... you wouldn't want to know.. anyway, this time, i just don't know why i'm so excited. maybe it's because of khairel. the way he told me about the dinner, oh, you should hear him out.. he's so good at promoting it! plus, everybody i know is going.. so i won't be so bored afterall. and weileng will be going too! hehe....

oh, it's tv time... later~

the guilt.

so i went out for a drink with michelle. before that, i thought of drinking with jennhoel after his futsal game, so he came over. when i got into his car...

denise : eh, can wait for a while here ah?

jennhoel : why leh?

denise : michelle is coming over too. hehe.. we go drink together.

jennhoel : oh, then you two go together la. i don't want to disturb you girls la..

denise : like you don't know her.. -_-: come la.. go drink for a while only... i want to drink with you tonight. been trying to get you last few days.. but you BUSY.. (trying to make him feel guilty..)

jennhoel : don't want la.. tonight, i willingly don't want to drink with you.

denise : *speechless* (willingly?)


so we went for a cigarette somewhere near my place. then his phone rang..

jennhoel : (on the phone) bought the tix. but different seats. bla.. bla.. (hung up)

denise : fucker. no wonder you said "willingly"... -_-: watch midnight show is it? ceh!

jennhoel : *grined*

and i thought i was the guilty one for calling michelle.



anyway, life's boring. i've got two assignments to pass up next week and being so denise, i haven't started doing.

seriously, i wish to have some sparks and colors in my life now. i wake up every morning doing the same thing...

- check if harvey's online.
- listen to medley by leo ku at least two times.
- eat whatever that i can find on the dining table.
- surfing the tv channels over and over again.
- go to college/work.
- call up some friends to see if they're free for a drink session.
- go home.
- check if harvey's online.
- check emails.
- blog.
- listen to breathing by lifehouse at least three times.
- watch tvb drama series.
- curl up on the bed and do some thinking.
- sleep.

that's what i do everyday without fail.

can somebody pull me out from boredom? thank you.

boring.

very bored.

my grampa is sick. very sick. asthma. my aunties from malacca came this afternoon. they're still here. talking with my dad. oh, before i reached home just now, i heard that tragedy nearly happen in my house. no, not my grampa. my brother. haha! my dad almost whack him with the dining chair. yes. the dining chair. but it didn't happen. thanks to my aunties. they managed to stop him and calmed him down before the chair landed on my brother's body. all because of my brother's attitude. exam's around the corner and he's still not studying. sit in front of the pc and tv from the time he wake up until he sleep. so being a typical dad, couldn't stand it and started scolding and attempted to whack him. when i got home, my brother is STILL watching the tv. no point yelling at him.


i miss...

harvey.

my sister.

my brother in law.

korkor.

man.

ninie.

ann.

azuree.

michelle.

wei leng.

rifhan.

yee meng.

jenn hoel.

onisan.

kee sin.

poh yee.

ming keat.

rachel.

starbucks klp.



[music on air]
medley by leo ku.

[current mood]
having PMS.

[quote of the day]
stubborn people never learn from mistake.

[next station]
tv.hangout with michelle.

the phone call.

okay, so i woke up at 9a.m. and called harvey up to wish him "happy birthday".

he's a bookworm now. everytime i talk to him, he's either reading or doing assignment. and 81% was the lowest mark that he got for 1 of the 7 subjects that he took. and he told me that it's not enough. reason? because it's not an 'A'. 90% and above is an 'A'. and THAT was his mid-term results. seven subjects with all 'B' [80-89%]. and he's complaining. if i were to get 80% and above for all my papers, i'll be smiling from ear to ear everyday until the last day of college. too bad, reality DOES hurt sometimes. getting 45% for one paper is hard for me. let alone 80%. wake up denise. stop dreaming.

it's kinda fun talking to him. it's been a few months we didn't talk on the phone. not even instant messaging for a month now. it's good to hear his voice again. but he's got this stupid-typical-new-york slang. ugh. gotta get used to it tho. can't blame him for having that slang. he's with new yorkers every god damn day. he spends most of his time talking to them. so it's normal to have that slang right? like me having this superb malay-ish slang when i speak malay? because i hang out with malays most of the time? [i don't mean to praise myself.. it's just an instant example..].. okay.. i'm getting a lil narcissistic here.. oh..

by the way, i got another news today. a sad one. well.. not that i never expected it. harvey is definitely not coming back in this two years. he can't leave the country for another two years. it's the rule. sigh~ well, at least he can make it to my graduation day. that's IF he's coming back for my graduation day like he promised. but anyway, his sister's coming back. hehe... so i can pass his birthday present to her... that's IF i manage to complete the present. LOL! [ok, i seriously hope that i'll be able to complete it.]

hmm.

i got my hair trimmed today. and it's very obvious that it's few inches shorter! damn! that's not trimming. that's cutting! god! my dad always do this. when he cut my hair, he always overcut it. maybe he's jealous that i have a nice long hair? haha!!!! [ok. another sign of being a narcissist.] but he got me the highlight color that i wanted. chilly red!!!!! hehehe......


[music on air]
stop crying your heart out by oasis.

[current mood]
better than yesterday.

[quote of the day]
be strong.

[next station]
tv time!

the conversation.

ok. it's getting weirder. first, a rat was in my house. yesterday morning, i was sitting in the living room, watching tv and having my hot and steamy porridge. and i placed a peice of cake (it's in the plastic bag) on the coffee table. so while i was happily watching the show, i felt something came in from the closed grill. a MONKEY. yes. i turned and saw it. it quickily walked in and took the cake and ran out. and it made a pit stop at the flower pot and gave me that evil "hehehe-i-got-your-cake" look and climbed up the roof. so, first the rat. now the monkey. i wonder what will come into the house later.


so, today is harvey's birthday. and i tried to call his house just now.. to try my luck. maybe he's at home. or maybe i can leave a message telling him to go home at certain time to wait for my call. and his mother answered the phone. i talked to his mom for a while. and she told me something that's sad to hear.

the answering machine : hi, noone is available to answer your call. please leave a message after the tone. *toot*

denise : hi, it's denise here. anybody home???????

*paused*

denise : hello.............................

*another long pause*
someone picked up..

vey's mommy : hi denise... how are you?

denise : good auntie... how are you? *smile happily* (at that moment, i thought i won a lottery!)

vey's mommy : i'm fine here.. you want to talk to harvey?

denise : *before she could finish her sentence, i interupted* yea.. is he around?

vey's mommy : no, he's not around. he's got classes until 4p.m. but he'll be back around 7p.m and i'll take him out for dinner at 9p.m. gonna bring him out after his classes.

denise : so he's going back home tonight right? i can call him at this number right? (just to make sure..)

vey's mommy : yes. you can call him here around 8p.m. our time? oh it's already 13-hour difference now, you know that right?

denise : yea. i knew that. mommy told me.

then we continued talking about my studies and here's a the part that i'm sad of..

vey's mommy : so did harvey replied your emails? he told me that you're working at zouk as a clerk..

denise : yea, i'm working there part time. no, he didn't reply my emails. i gave up emailing him. *nervous laugh*

vey's mommy : huh?? he never reply ah? sigh~ maybe he's too tired with his work here. he's been studying very hard lately. nelly told me that she's worried bout his brother a lot. first, she's worried that he'll score better than her. hahaha! second, she's afraid that he'll collapse one day. he wake up early in the morning and study. he hardly sleep.

denise : yea. i heard from him too. study only. he's like that in malaysia also. never sleep and go work.

vey's mommy : i'm worried of his health. and one more thing. he never smile. i don't know whether he's happy or not here. he keeps everything to himself. he looks unhappy. i don't know. he's always tired and moody.

denise : *surprised*speechless*let out another nervous laugh* oh.. is it? hmm..

we continued talking bout other stuff for a while and hung up.

"he never smile. i don't know whether he's happy or not here". this phrase kept playing on my mind from the moment i heard it till now. and his mom sounded so worried.

knowing that broke my heart.

it really broke my heart.

why is he unhappy? why he never say it out?

and all this while, i thought he's having a great time kicking some new york ass.



[music on air]
new slang by the shins.

[current mood]
not good at all. i wish i could give him a big hug. a tight one.

[quote of the day]
never assume things. be sure of it.

[next station]
sleep!