It's About Love.

click on the banner for more info. lazy to explain. watch and listen to this song.

i think it's a great effort for making this song. read the FAQ. interesting.

the Malaysian Artistes For Unity did a great job. well, at least now we know there ARE people out there who cared for Malaysian, not only for their own race, but Malaysian.

we are all the same race after all. we are Malaysian. =)



both the recording and the video would be given away for free. a gift to the nation. from those who love Malaysia to those who feel the same.

it's a good song! what are you guys waiting for? download and play the song all day! in the car, at office, at hoe... everywhere you go. it's FREE. and we Malaysian LOVE free stuffs. *winkz*

it was a birthday?

yesterday was my birthday.

it didn't felt like a birthday.

it was a very dull and boring day, just like any other days. i spent the whole afternoon sleeping, cleaning the room and washing all the dirty clothes that's been piled up since God knows when..

Ming brought me out for dinner at Roadhouse Grill with Gary, Joyce and Mun. dinner was ok.

my colleagues actually asked me to go for karaoke last night but then i turned them down. was quite late after dinner so i thought no point going la.. i know... quite "sou hing"cos Vincent texted me and told me everyone was there.. only waiting for me to appear la.. but then.. sorry Vincent.. was too tired for karaoke...


so i'm officially 23 years old now.

i didn't know what to expect, turning 23 is like... nothing.

nothing out of the ordinary happened. nothing changed. nothing extra memorable. well, i think i can see a few wrinkles started to form on the edge of my eyes and mouth.. or was it just an illusion? was it just me? or it was already there ever since?

a year older.

i still don't feel any wiser. or perhaps i DID get a lil wiser unknowingly. but i still felt like a little girl, crying for the same attention i thought i needed, hoping to get love that i thought was not enough, trying to fit in knowing that it was just a courtesy, wishing for the simplest miracle to happen. i still felt like a little girl.. too easy to trust. too easy to give in. too easy to be satisfied. still a lil naive.

giving this much does not mean that you'll get that much in return. sometimes, you wouldn't get anything at all.. but you'll still give this much. why? perhaps you thought there might be still a lil hope there.

this is what always happen to me. hoping to much when too much is never there.

*********************************************************

oh.. btw, no cake and candle blowing this year... does that mean that i'm still 22? 22 sounds nicer.. younger.. :P

i should start spending on facial products!

thank you.

was it a plan to have me?

or was it just because you had me, so you kept me?

i've always thought that i'm not as important to you.

i've always thought that i'm only a responsiblity to you.

i've always thought that i didn't get enough love from you.

i've always thought that you abandoned me.

i thought you weren't giving much attention to me.

it wasn't until you're away.

i realised that i'm not only your responsibility, i was your love too.

i realised that you loved me from the very first day you hold me.

you didn't show your love that much because you knew i was strong.

you knew i was understanding.

you knew that i'm not the one who need the most attention.

you knew i will get back on my feet even if i fall hard.

you made me stronger without me realising.

you made me learn to forgive and forget. to be cheerful.

it wasn't until you're away, i realised how important i am to you.

it wasn't until you're away, i realised how much you sacrificed and lose.

it wasn't until you're away, i knew you loved me equally.

you always wanted to give the best.

you always believed in me.

you were always there to guide me through hard times, even though we'd always argue and disagree with each other's way.

you were always ready to give out all of you, though most of the time i didn't realise it.

thank you for having me. thank you for keeping me around. thank you for all the hardship you went through for me. thank you for all the things that you provided me.

thank you mommy.

thank you for everything.

happy birthday to us.

=)

Greetings from Bangkok!

we arrived Bangkok yesterday around 5.15pm local time. we took AirAsia flight. uughhh... i tell you.. the flight is damn tiring! the chair is stiff, can't turn it down.. just. that 2 hours of flight is not a pleasant one lah.. well, it's Air Asia.. what more can i say? pay peanuts, get monkeys... right?

we went to Pratunam market last night to have dinner. not bad lah the thing there. no mood to shop last night cos we're all very tired from the flight! so we went back the hotel room and rest.

i shared room with Fatty.. he went out and came back around midnight and never buy food for me!! somemore wanna say the porridge very nice! i'm too lazy to go out already so i decided to just sleep ler.

wokey.. i gotta go n ow. the hotel only provide us with 30 minutes of free internet access per day. heh.. i'll write when i come back!

Worse Mother's Day..

going off to Bangkok on Monday!! weeeeewooooooohooooohikhik..

anyway... Eva had a fever yesterday. i hope she'll be alright after seeing the doctor.. i miss her!! hmm.

Mother's Day was a disaster!!!

tiu!

so i planned to call mommy around 8a.m on Sunday (NY time), cos she normally will be taking the bus or train to work, so have time to talk la. i didn't send any sms though cos wanna call her ma..

then around 7.30pm (KL time), i got an sms from her...

"very good... now i know... well... this is d best gift? so disappointed n sad... well... well... well..."

that's exactly what she wrote in the sms.

i'm like.. "wth?"

why she send this kinda sms? then i quickly call her... mahai! she hang up after 2 rings... i call again, thought maybe she press wrong button lah.. but she hang up again! then i tried calling, off her phone pulak.

then i called shorty, she told me she got the SAME text also.

cis!! our mother suddenly got emo pulak..

shorty also thought of calling her at 8a.m cos don't want to disturb her from sleep.

and plus, we bought her gifts, but tak sempat send out cos there's some issue with the courier person..

plus, lately Shorty, me and Fatty(my brother), been asking her to sponsor this and that, so i think there must be a reason the got upset la.. cos it looked like we don't care. but actually we did! i looked for a nice gift for her (sexy lingerie/nightie) and Shorty also bought nightie.. cos summer is coming and we thought she'll like it.

anyway.. after all that saga, we went to have dinner on Monday with gramma. every year we'll have mother's day dinner with her on behalf of mom la.. since she's not around to celebrate with gramma, we as her daughter, must eat on her behalf. =P

i told gramma what happened the day before and she told me that mom is angry la.. cos we didn't do anything on mom's day. then we used gramma's phone to call mom. (gramma's idea) she called back and Shorty asked her why she's emo, "oh.. now you know how to hang up on us lah?? you know we're worry sick when you didn't answer and can't get through or not? cis!".. she said, "last time 3 of you will race, who is the first person to sms me.. "

we're like.. -_-! then we assure her that we already planned to call at 8a.m cos we know that time is the best time.

i told mom that i follow her time. and it's mom's day ma.. normally will wish in the morning when wake up, right? unless it's birthday, 3 of us will race to be the first to sms her (cos last time no money, sms lor.. now got money mei call lor)

i told her that i follow her time, she said "i'm not Caucasian, why follow their time? of course follow malaysia time lah. mother's day is on sunday ma.. 12a.m is sunday already ma. not 8a.m"

-_-!

zha dou!

then i told her, "must follow your time ma... cos you see.. if birthday follow our time 12am, you will be older by half a day! hikhikhik!"

the point is.. she say follow our time means follow our time..

ok lor.. next time we follow our time lor..

i very zha dou lor.. cos of this small thing, she dun answer phone.. cannot d... must do something to make her happy. her birthday is in June... one more month to go.. must do something d... lemme go Bangkok first.. then i think!

TruDtox Vs Clenx

it's been a few weeks i drink detox tea.

first, it was TruDtox. i only tried it for 5 days. cos it's kinda expensive.. RM 28 or 29 something for a packet of 5 sachets. it tastes just like normal green tea.. just a bit stronger. well, previously, i did wrote about the tea, stating that it didn't make me go toilet as often as i thought it would be.

well, because i already have a habit of going to toilet every morning after breakfast, i didn't really feel the difference. but thinking back, it DID made some difference.

i still go to toilet in the morning, but i realised that after i drank it in the evening, my stomach gets very uncomfortable in the MIDDLE of the night. usually it'll be around 3 or 4 a.m. for 3 days in a row, i woke up feeling very painful. like you HAVE to go toilet and let it out. but when i went, nothing happened. only that i farted few times. =P but then i realised that the shit is very watery compared to the normal ones. and it's very smelly. in that 5 days of drinking it, 4 days in a row besides going in the morning, visiting toilet after dinner is a must too. and all that came out of me is water. yes... i didn't shit out shit. i shit out water and fart. day 3 or 4 of drinking this, the fart and shit got less smell. almost no smell. i think it should be working la.. cos when Dad did his detox last year, he told me that the first few time he go toilet, it's damn smelly cos of the toxic. after few days it's become normal or less smell. oh, and he told me the shit is supposed to be black... (why mine is not black one? does it means that i don't have toxic?)

ok, that's about the toilet part.. about body, i do feel less bloated in the stomach. feels flatter than usual. (maybe it's due to after menstrual) but then it works a little bit if not a lot.

after finishing TruDtox, i tried Clenx Tea . another type of detox tea from NH Detoxlim. it's definitely cheaper than TruDtox. RM 28.80 for a packet of 20 sachets of teabags.

after finishing TruDtox, i waited 2 days after only i started drinking Clenx. the taste of this tea is not as nice as TruDtox. is has more herbs smell and taste.. don't really like it cos it tastes weird. but then still acceptable lah..

this tea made my stomach uncomfortable like TruDtox too. but not at night... normally right after i gulped my first glass of water in the morning. which is quite rare for me la.. cos normally, have to eat first before going to shit.

this tea make me go toilet at least twice a day. morning and after lunch or dinner. the shit is better than TruDtox ones la.. at least i know something came out instead of and fart. and not only it flush out the shit, it also regulate the pee.

a bit troublesome lah i think.. cos have to walk to toilet so many times in a day.. but then it's a good thin la... shows that my kidney is functioning. the shit... also very smelly..

stomach still the same.. but then after the tea, i feel that i'm not bloated easily anymore. =)

i think both of the tea is the same for me. maybe i should try TruDtox one more time for 2 weeks.. see got any obvious difference with Clenx or not since i drank Clenx more.

i think everyone should try detoxing once in a while.. well, at least now i don't have to sit (or in my case, squat) in the toilet for hours trying to flush things out.

Fishing My Way To Made Of Honor

Nuffnang is giving away 40 invites for Nuffnanger (30 of it are for Glitterati members!) to an 8 course dinner at JW Marriott KL. it'll feature some wedding themed performances and the movie premiere of Made Of Honour after the dinner.

to get the invites, all we need to do is play a fishing game by Hong Leong bank, print screen your score and post it in your blog...

since i never won ANY contests that i've joined, i'm gonna try my luck today.


here's my screenshot.

*UPDATED!!!!* kuang kuang kuang!

very bad score.. i tried so many times and this is the best that i've got. and it's my first attempt! after the first attempt, i tried like... 5 or 6 times and the scores are lower than this! grrr!! and my colleagues are like.. "what's that sound??" cos when you pull the fish out, it'll make some water sound.. :P

you guys can try to play too.. can release some stress as well.. =)


hopefully Ah Girl will bless me in heaven and let me win the invites!

Goodbye.

so as i thought Ah Girl will get to heal and die naturally, i was wrong..

yesterday, Smelly's mom woke me up at 9 in the morning.. (damn sleepy and tired) asked me for the vet's number.. she said Ah Girl's pee still have blood. and she can't even make herself stand up.



so we HAD to call the doctor.



half an hour later, the doc called me and said his driver is on leave. (i was damn happy to hear that!)



but then Smelly's dad said we can drive to the clinic.






so we drove Ah Girl to the clinic.

while waiting for his dad, i watched Ah Girl..

she was struggling to get up. a few times.. but she can't seem to do it.

she didn't make any noise.

she struggled few times and she still can't get up. so she remained in her position. lying on the newpaper that we spread for her so that her blood didn't stained the floor.

so Smelly's dad put her in a paper box.

she still remained silent. Alfie barked when we put her in the box. i wonder if Alfie was just jealous cos he touched her or if he's wondering why we put her in the box.

so we drove to the clinic and asked the nurse to put her to sleep. she asked me to sign a paper.. i didn't read it. i know what's in the content anyway. i'm officially a murderer.

the nurse asked if we wanted to wait for the doctor to inject her. she asked if we wanted to see the process.

and she added, "she looked fine. still very nice."

i think she's lying.

Ah Girl is in a terrible condition and her fur is not fully groomed. cos Smelly's mom just cut whatever tangle she saw. she looked very scary. like patches all over her body. a bit hair here and there. (will upload photo later). she looked very old. she can't even stand.

and she remained silent.

she didn't make any noise when we're driving to the clinic. unlike Alfie, he hates going into the car. he hates going to the clinic. he will make noise. he will wail. he will kick. he will become very nervous.

we decided not to see the whole process cos surely enough, i will cry in the clinic. i will definitely change my mind. though i know i can't change Smelly's parent's mind.

so we left her there.

i didn't even give her a last pat and say "Goodbye Ah Girl, we love you".

i didn't do that cos i know i can't do it. i said that to her in Saturday tho.. at home when i thought i'm not gonna see her anymore.. i cried. i don't want it to happen in the clinic.

i prefer to believe that the doctor didn't inject her. i prefer to believe that the doctor took our money and heal her instead of putting her to sleep. i prefer to believe that the doctor kept her alive as long as she can.

maybe the doctor didn't inject her, right?

maybe the doctor will feed her and clean her and heal her?

maybe Ah Girl went to a better place now.

maybe.. just maybe.

hard decision.

this morning around 8 o'clock, Smelly's (i shall call Ming Smelly from now on.. stories after this lah) mother asked me to call the vet. she told me that Ah Girl, our 16/17 year-old terrier mix is not feeling well. Ah Girl refused to eat last night and this morning, Smelly's mother told me that Ah Girl shitted blood. very red and bloody! it was all over the floor and it's watery too. then her body is very hot and she shivers from time to time. Smelly's mom saw this and felt very painful for Ah Girl. she's a good dog. never jealous with Alfie when he was brought back a year ago, never wailed even when she have skin infection on her body that when we accidently touched the injured skin, she'll only whimper a bit. she's very old. she have cataract on both of her eyes and she's very boney now that only long hair will cover her bone frame, which she can't keep cos it tangles very easily and we had to cut her hair short everytime after it grew perfectly long and looked healthier.

but this morning, Smelly's mother thought of putting Ah Girl to sleep. to end her misery. so that she can leave painlessly. so that she could go to a better place then suffering all kind of sickness that she suffered and still suffering.

so i called the vet reluctantly and made an appointment later at 1pm. since i'll be gone to work and will not be back until 3pm, i took some last photos of her and with her. then, Smelly came out, asking me why i squat beside Ah Girl. then i couldn't help it.. tears rolled down uncontrollably. i felt terribly sad. i felt very bad. for calling the vet and let them do this to her. it's like i'm a murderer, using the vet as killer. she looked fine to me at that moment. just like any other days. but flies came out of nowhere and kept disturbing her and i can see that she could not do anything to get rid of the flies. perhaps she didn't even feel the flies are there at the first place. she can't see already cos she had very bad cataract. i wonder if she ever saw how i really looked like?i really hope that she knows how i looked like and that she'll remember me, like how i will not forget her. since the day i saw her two years ago, her eyes has been like that. sometimes she seems to be able to see things.. but most of the time now, she kinda lost her directions. i guess her nose is not so sensitive anymore too. cos she always make few wrong turns before she could get to her bowl of food which we put it in front of her everytime. she'll still sniff away from the bowl and make few big rounds before she get to the right place.

i felt extremely sad that we had to make this choice. a choice that i don't prefer doing. it's living things. it has life too. i don't think she deserves to be put to sleep, considering that she's really a very good girl. never wailed even when Smelly's mom need to put her outside instead of in the house cos she had to take care of a baby boy that time. since then, she stayed outside wihtout complaining, occasionally will sneak in the house when the door was not closed properly. yet, she's so obedient. so patient. but so old now :(

after half an hour calling the vet, Smelly's mom called me back to cancel the appointment. she said she can't take it as well. she felt very bad too. so after some thoughts, she decided to just let Ah Girl to either cure her bloody shit or to just wait for her last breath to be taken away by nature instead of us, causing it.

i was very happy to hear that of course! i called the vet again and told him that we cancelled our plan. "she seems to be fine now, but then i'm not too sure" i told him. after i told him about her condition, he said "in this case, alternatively, you can feed her some supplements, like anti oxidant and other vitamins. it can heal them. it really helps, a lil if not a lot."

i happily replied him "ok, i'll drop by if she didn't get any better by tonight. then only we'll make final decision. thank you very much!"

so there!

i'm no longer a murderer borrowing someone else's hand to kill.

Ah Girl will live as long as she want to. as long as she think she can endure the pain. as long as we don't even bother trying on another attempt of murdering her again. as long as we know it's not her time yet. cos if it's time, there's always signals. i do hope that the bloody shit is not a signal cos i can almost feel her, in pain. i hope she'll have an easy journey back up there when the time comes. i hope it's just because of the heaty weather that caused her bleed.

i hope she'll stay longer.. another 4 years, maybe? that'll make her 20 years old by then. at least she lived longer than the average dog's life span already. she's 16/17 now. i heard average is only 12 or 13 years? means that despite all kind of sickness in her, she's considered healthy, to be able to live this long.

or that's what i thought.

i hope she'll get better soon. let's pray for her. :)

am i stupid or they're too clever?

today, my boss left his phone in the car. so he asked me to get it for him.. i have to go to the post office to send tons of game client out.. since i don't drive to work now, i have to use his car.

so it was the first time i'm using his car and it was a Toyota Vios. My boss is a very careful person. he uses steering lock EVERYTIME he park his car. after i unlock the steering lock, i attempted to start the engine.

no sound.
no nothing.

can't seem to ignite the car.

the car keep beeping. so i closed the car door. the sound stopped. then i tried starting the car again...

same thing.

then i put on the seat belt.. (oh well.. i thought it helps you know.. whatever!)

then tried to start it again...

bloody hell.. no response..

so i climbed out the car, closed the door, and open it again, climbed in and try starting again... i didn't know what i did til it don't start... so i thought of doing the "normal" step of "getting into a car". (stupid.. i know.. very stupid...)

mgh! it just won't start!!

at that moment, my phone rang.. Gary called me for some urgent matter, before he hung up, i asked "wei, btw have you drive a Vios before? like.. you know.. STARTING the engine?" then he said.. "oh.. on the driver's side, near the key there got a hole. just poke it with the thing that's attached with the car key." (Btw, thanks Gary!!)

-_-!

i was damn stupid right?? rupa-rupanya it's the car alarm thingy.. bloody hell made me sweat 5 minutes in the parking trying to figure out HOW TO START THE ENGINE!!!


ugh.. i hate hi-tech ppl.

writer's block.

mother's day is coming.

mommy's birthday's next month too.

i don't know what to get her. getting something for mom seems to be the hardest thing cos almost everything in US is cheaper and nicer and newer than in Malaysia. so it's kinda like.. wasting money lah. though i know whatever thing that i get, mom will still be very happy and appreciative since we (her children) made an effort to actually GET something for her.

oh.. i thought of something when i was in the shower just now.. i'll scan a photo of mom (since i don't have digital photo of her), then take a photo of myself kissing (side profile), then photoshop it to look like i'm realy kissing her, make a photo frame and mail it over.

lame? no?

i know lah.. i'm not born to be as creative as Shorty, but then this idea seems quite creative to me, though i know there might be something more creative than this.

i'm thinking of ordering flowers too. but this.. aih.. lets not talk about this.. cos last year i planned to surprise her with flowers, with Harvey's help, but then mana tau last minute on her birthday, he told me that the shop don't accept credit card or something. aiya.. the point is troublesome lah! so planned was cancelled. :(

so this year.. i think i'll stick to something simple and easy to deliver.

oh, btw i'm going to Bangkok on the 19th. comng back on 22nd. woohoo! can't wait for it. hopefully this year's plan will not be cancelled due to some important relative's wedding again. :P

oh.. and.. for those who wanted to get me pressie this year... i only have one (yes, ONE) item in my wishlist this year (besides getting richer and getting promoted).

i only wanted a LAPTOP.

yea.. only a laptop... anyone wants to sponsor? heh..