my gramma.

i went home 2 days ago. dad asked me if i want to go home for dinner. one of his staffs' birthday. thinking that i haven't been seeing him for a week, i thought of going home.

had dinner and gramma haven't sleep yet. it's already 8.30pm when i got home. she's sitting there, watching tv. gramma is like that.. everytime there are visitors, she can't sleep. or should i say, she won't sleep. maybe she felt insecure or something. she will be very worried and keep on asking where my father is.

she's been naughty. dad asked her to sleep cos it's late. she normally sleeps at 7pm. she just walked up and down till everyone went home.

she sat beside me. my bag was on the chair opposite where i'm sitting. she pointed at the bag and asked, "who's bag is that?" i told her it's mine. "don't put there. later people take away."

i assured her that it's ok.

after five minutes, she pointed at the bag again. "who's bag is that?"

again, i told her it's mine.

"don't put there. later people take away."

this repeated for almost 6-7 times.

then i took my bag and put it on my lap.

she stopped asking.

she saw my phone on the chair, just beside me, "is this yours?"

"yes"

"keep it. later you lose it"

sigh.

then my dad came out, after cutting the cake, he asked gramma, "do you know who is this?" pointing at me.

gramma smiled. "i know.. i know.......*mumbles*"

she can't remember me that moment.

"she's your granddaughter. remember?"

"ahh.. yes.. i remember."

no. she didn't. she said that just to make us feel better. she's afraid that we know that she can't remember.

dad's staff always comes over our house and gramma will scold them and ask them to leave the house cos she don't recognize them. dad will tease her. "she's your grand daughter, remember?" she won't believe. but when dad told her that shortie, me and fatty are her grandchildren, she will smile and say "ah.. yes.. yes.."

i felt sad.

sometimes, she remember me clearly. asking me where i went. if i'm going to school that day. (cos before her condition got worse, i was still in college).

sometimes, she thought i'm her neighbour.

sometimes, she thought i'm a friend.

but luckily most of the time, she remember my name. but when asked, she got mixed up. i hope gramma won't forget me totally. i wish she still remember i'm her grand daughter.



before she went to bed, she stared at me very long and smiled. "you lose weight" she said.

"is it?"

"why you lose weight?"

"i diet... am i pretty?"

"yes yes... of course!" she laughed.

missing home.

i found out that my baby brother started blogging yesterday. i read his first entry and it made me cried.

his english wasn't as good as me and shortie . yet he wrote something that made me teared. he wrote about his daily routine. just like when i started blogging, i wrote about my daily routine and musings.

though he's not good at english, i still think that he wrote wonderfully. why he started blogging? i wonder..

is it because he's got nobody to talk to?

is it because evrybody owns a blog, he wanna have one too?

is it because he's lonely?

i can't figure out.

i felt kinda bad for not being at home so often. and everytime i went home, he'll get some kinda scolding or lecture from me. not taht i intend to argue with him every time we met la.. just that sometimes, it's difficult talking to a teenager. (do i sound like a mother?)

the thing that made me teared is when i read about what he wrote bout my gramma, who have Alzheimer's Disease.

"my grandma knock the door...she thought a thief...so i told my grandma she is my dad staff can say my dad 'Kai Lui'...than she go away...so get back to my pc play some old games...Gunbound..after playing 20 min i heard my grandma knock louder n louder...so i tell her she sleeping dun kacau her...then get back the same things after 5 min...hiahz...so cham...because she got abit sick...sometimes she can' remember me...sometimes she call me as his son...hiahz...but nvm...old ady is like tat lor...hmm.."

after reading this, i felt a lump on my throat.

it's been a while since i go home.

i think it's time to go home now.