Since my phone is spoilt and Smelly discouraged me to repair it cos we sent it to repair for thousandth times already and it still not in order. Supposed, he asked me to use his old phone, which died on him not long after he said that. I wonder why when one phone dies, it seems like all your extra phones commit suicide at the same time as well. It’s a curse to poor people like me. I asked Smelly to get a new phone for me since both of our phone spoilt…

“so you’re going to buy a phone for me right?”

-_-

“we buy same phone… if webuy two phones at one time, they will give discount geh… so nice!”

“duwan same phone la..”

“why wor? Can get cheaper ma..”

“duwan lah.. today my colleague come to work, he sei tiu (curse) cos he took his gf’s phone. They have the same phone. Same color, no handphone straps... exactly same lah… Some more both also sell car one… damn mah fan”

“ceh! If we get same phone, we don’t get same color lah… or we can put those handphone strap to differentiate ma. Hehe..” *damn happy, can get new phone*

“-_- no money… duwan buy.”

“you promised d wor….”

“bluek!”

“LIAR!!!!!!”

Today, I Feel Like Doing a Tag.

4 Jobs I have had in my life:
Shampoo Girl - I started shampooing other people’s head since I was 10/11 years old. I was kinda “forced” to learn cos I had to help my dad out in his salon every weekend. I “worked” til I was out for college.

Promoter - I’ve sold clothes, where they would ask us to take out very old stock and keep the new ones during Sales season. I’ve sold cosmetics, the place I hate the most cos I’ll look damn ugly next to other promoters cos I don’t use make up. I’ve sold fragrance that smells terrible. I’ve sold instant soup for only one day cos I found out that they have ugly uniform.

Starbucks barista - my FAVORITEST job to-date. I love LOVE LOVE being a barista. It’s the place where I learned a lot of things about working. It’s the place where I learned that instant coffee taste blunt. The place that made me hate ice blended drinks. The place where unforgettable love story happened.

Personal assistant - the first PA job in an online game publisher. Where every time people asked where I work, I’ll have to explain for 10 minutes what online game publisher means. The place where I gave up a higher pay job and accept their lower pay because I was damn happy working there. The place where I learn more about working, office politics, selfish directors, stupid owners, very supportive boss, damn happening colleagues.


4 Places I have lived:
Imbi - I think I lived in Imbi when I was still in mommy’s womb…

Cheras - I lived with my babysitter for few years. They lived in government flats that only have 2 small rooms and they have 4 daughters living with them that time.

Kuchai Lama - place where I grow up.

Puchong - Smelly’s house. Bleh!


4 Countries I have been to on vacation:
Singapore - I think all Malaysian must have been to Singapore at least once in their lifetime. Right? Right?

Hatyai (Thai) - been there only last year.

Bangkok (Thai) - this year. I wish I can go again. I wish to go there once every year cos their clothes are so so SO cheap!

No more.. cos i'm poor... I don’t have money to travel often. Purposely separate Hatyai and Bangkok so that it’ll make my list look long! Muahaha..

I want to go Hong Kong, Japan and New York… hopefully within 5 years. (please let me hit the Jackpot!)

4 of my Favorite food:
I’m not choosy when it comes to food. My taste bud change from time to time… but if I have to choose, my all time fav are…
Japanese food - Love sushi and sashimi! I can eat sushi everyday without getting bored.

Pork noodle - the one at Imbi wet market. Still my fav place. Oh.. it’s actually pork intestine noodle.

Ayam masak merah - first choice if I’m at mamak or malay restaurant.

Salad - any type of salad except coleslaw.

4 Places I would rather be right now:
New York - for many reasons.

Home - I wish I could work from home. So that I don’t have to think what to wear, which shoe to match. (I wish I don’t have to work and money grow from tree. Wtf!) actually, I just want to sleep all day. =P

Anywhere as long as I’m with Smelly. I love to be around him. I’m superglue. (If can, I want to be his PA! Wtf! Hahaha!) I know it annoys him but I like to annoy him cos he’s so cute when he’s mad. Wtf!

I can’t think of anywhere else.

4 favorite places to hang out:
Seputeh Heights – haha! Current fav place to hang out is our friend, Kenny’s house. Cos it feels like going to a resort… with pool, karaoke, ps3, bed! Lol!

Station One OUG – because it’s near my house and the only few places that I’ll go for yamcha. Oh.. because my current fav drink is their Iced Longan Milk!

Any mamak – cos it’s the cheapest place to hang out.

Home - still the best place cos I can watch porn no need to use money. Hahaha!

i'm his JEWEL!

We cuddled on the sofa lovingly and chatted. Which is something that we don’t normally do in front of friends. “Why are we so romantic today?” he asked.

“Don’t know… but it feels nice.” I said.

We’re in our own world. Neglecting friends who are present that night.

“Bie… I love you, you know?” I said in a very baby tone, I feel so pampered with his arms wrapped around me; his fingers playing with my hair, occasionally stroke my face. A treatment I don’t get to enjoy very often.

“Yes, of course I know,” he replied, kissing my forehead gently.

“You love me too?”

“You know…” he paused. “You are my jewel. You are very precious to me,” hugging me tighter.

“Is it?” smiled sheepishly.

He never said that to me before. He’s not that type who sweet talk and say mushy stuff very often. It was one of the very few times hearing those romantic words from him. I’m overjoyed. Though it was nothing, but I’m really happy. Yes, I’m easily satisfied.

It made my day.

Daddy's birthday/lostday

Went back for dinner yesterday. It’s daddy’s birthday. We supposed to go out for vegetarian dinner nearby, but he called last minute and asked us to take away KFC and eat at home cos he’s not in the mood to eat out.

He lost his gold chain. That gold chain followed him ever since I could remember. He stopped wearing it for a while and kept it in his bag wherever he goes before keeping it in his drawer when he pack for Japan last week.

So yesterday, he found out that it was missing. “That was the last gold chain that I keep and now it was gone…”

My heart broke, hearing what he said. The economy is bad, business is not good and he’s trying hard to make ends meet and suddenly, one of his most valuable things that he owns decides to disappear. Gold is very valuable now.. My godbrother told me that his gold chain is estimated to worth around RM6-7K now… and will go higher because the price of gold is increasing…

I can imagine… it’s like… when you only have RM2 left in your pocket to take a bus ride home, someone decides to rob you. It’s like… when you’re very hungry and wants to eat the last piece of chicken, the lizard decides to shit on it your dog decides to snatch it away and chew happily… it’s like… when your newly painted beloved 20 year-old car got stolen right at your doorstep while you’re sleeping soundly in your room… it’s like… okay… lame metaphors.. But you get the idea…

We don’t know how it just gone missing. We don’t know when, why, who and what made it vanished…
I hope he will find it back soon.

emo.

Have you ever take some time and think about what I really want and need?

Do you know what’s in my mind if I never take the initiative to tell you EVERY SINGLE THING?

Can you at least pretend that you’re sorry? Or at least admit what I said about you was right?

Why do you always get away with it by smiling?

You know it doesn’t take a lot of effort to persuade me, right? You know I’m THAT easy to give in, right? That’s why you bully me.

You know I can’t be angry for long.

You’re a selfish person.

You only think about yourself.

Have you thought at least a lil bit of me?

Have you prioritize me at least ONCE in any situation?

Have you at least cared for a bit?

Is it me or is it because I’m too sensitive to think that you never care?

Does it hurt when I say you didn’t care, right to your face?

Does it hurt when I told you you’re selfish, right to your face?

Does it hurt when I say you don’t love me as much, right to your face?



Cos it hurts me when I said all that.

my must-buy book wishlist.

i saw some books that i really wanted to get..

Sue Grafton's Kinsey Millhone series.. i've been wanting to read crime genre but never really had my hands on it. the last crime/mysterious book that i've read is Christopher Pike's Final Friends Trilogy (which the 3rd book still can't be found in any bookstore in Malaysia. hmmph. )

i don't know how good is the series but from the reviews that i read, i think it should be quite a good read. to date, it already has a total of 20 titles. i saw some of the title is in our bookstore but it's not complete. they only have some of the most recent titles. so i'll most probably get it online.. i'm going to start from the first book, "A Is for Alibi". hopefully i'll like it and keep a complete set of the series.

which again, reminds me that i'm currently on a book ban. i have to finish all the 20 new books before i can start buying again.

i hate online shopping sometimes.

too convenient to resist.

************************************

let's see what are the books that i still haven't finish reading...


1) Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov (abandoned after reading few pages)


2) Saving Fish From Drowning - Amy Tan (read halfway and borrowed it to Shorty)


3) The Opposite of Fate: A Book of Musings - Amy Tan (few more pages to go. yes!)


4) Grotesque - Natsuo Kirino (halfway. yay!)


5) How Starbucks Saved My Life - Michael Gates Gill (halfway. yay!)


6) The Prodigal Daughther - Jeffrey Archer


7) As The Crow Flies - Jeffrey Archer

8) If You Could See Me Now - Cecila Ahern

9) To Kill A Mocking Bird - Harper Lee

10) Specials -Scott Westerfeld

11) Extra -Scott Westerfeld

12) Stories We Could Tell - Tony Parsons

13) Man And Wife - Tony Parsons

14) My Favourite Wife - Tony Parson

15) The Life of Mahatma Gandhi - Louis Fischer

16) The Diary Of A Young Girl -Anne Frank

17) Marley And Me - John Grogan

18) The Secret Of Scent - Luca Turin

19) Breaking Dawn - Stephanie Meyer

20) New Moon - Stephanie Meyer

21) i forgot the title. something by Jeffrey Archer. i think it's either Shall We Tell the President? or Not A Penny More, Not A Penny Less.

whoa!!

that's 21 books to be finished!

hmm..

ok... let's challenge myself.

one book a week?

fair enough right?

since i only prefer to read on weekends cos i have the whole day to finish one book. ok.. two whole days.

reading on weekdays are a big no no to me... cos i tend to get carried away and i'll lose my sleeping time. (sleep time is very very important to me now.. )

let's see what i have in my must-buy book wishlist...

The Kinsey Millhone series (20 titles) - Sue Grafton
Teacher Man - Frank McCourt
The Memory Keeper's Daughter - Kim Edwards
Twilight - Stephanie Meyer
Eclipse - Stephanie Meyer
Out - Natsuo Kirino
Empress Orchid - Anchee Min
The Last Empress - Anchee Min
After Dark - Haruki Murakami
The Witch of Portobello - Paulo Coelho
A Walk To Remember - Nicholas Sparks
The Time Traveler's Wife - Audrey Nifenegger
Pretties - Scott Westerfeld
Uglies - Scott Westerfeld (just to complete the set. hehe.)
The Turn Of The Screw - Henry James
The Other House - Henry James

ok.. those are the titles that i can think of right now.

i hope i can get all of it before next year...

and the lucky one is....

It’s the first time I’m giving away a book online! (Well, it's the first time I’m giving away SOMETHING online!) And I’m very excited about it!

The book that I’m going to giveaway is ‘Tis: A Memoir by Frank McCourt. I’ve read McCourt's book when I was still in high school. The first book was Angela's Ashes. In fact, it's the first autobiography that I’ve read. I’m really glad that I bought the book cos it's one of the books that made me laugh and cry so much. My bestie, Ann was reading it that time and she told me that it's very good. At first, I don't believe her cos she has a "thing" for Ireland/Irish guys and I prefer reading Chic Lit and Horror at that time. Plus, I’ve always thought that autobiography is boring. But McCourt proved me wrong! I definitely LOVE his book and immediately bought his second book, ‘Tis, after I’m done with his first book. And that, was when I started to leave Chic Lit behind and get my hands on some memoirs like June Chang’s and Adeline Yen Mah’s (oh.. i LOVE LOVE LOVE Mitch Albom's Tuesdays With Morrie!). I love reading memoir-like books like Amy Tan’s (do they even have this genre? lol!). I know very little about books. I normally read books that are easy to understand and as you can see, I normally read those “commercialized” books and recommendation from friends…Just to play safe. =P

I don’t consider myself as a person who loves reading if compare to most people out there, but in my family, I’m the only one who reads. So in my family’s eyes, I’m considered as a booklover. I remember during my 16th or 17th birthday, I turned down my dad’s offer to get some clothes at Topshop and asked him to buy books for me instead. =P my mom even said I’ve got so many books that she can use it as my dowry next time. -_-! Very exaggerating right? I only own like.. 60 or 70 books (which is A LOT for a non-reading family like mine..) if she knows Alice, then my 70 is nothing.. (right Alice JieJie?? Lol! ) . even Smelly almost ban me from buying new books… cos I normally buy a few at one go even if I still have unread ones with me (which reminds me now that I still have about 20 books waiting for me to be read).

I wished that I picked up reading earlier though.. I only started when I was 15 or 16.. though I DO borrow books from the library when I was still in Primary school.. but that’s because we (me and my friends) always compete who’s the fastest reader and read most of the books. If I started earlier, and read more consistently, I think my books collection is triple of what it is now.. sigh~

Ok, back to the giveaway… Well, the reason I’m giving away this book is actually because I already have the book. I went to MPH warehouse sale the other week and I thought of getting Teacher Man. Actually, I THOUGHT I bought Teacher Man. But when I reached home and happily snapping photos of my books, I realized that one book looked VERY VERY familiar… then only I realized… I took the wrong book! But I guess it was fate… lol! I remember I went back to the shelf and look for another copy of Teacher Man cos the one that I took was torn. I guess because the color of the book is almost the same, I didn’t realize that I bought the wrong one…

Since I already have a copy, I thought… “Why not finding a new and better owner for this book?”

I know most of you is also very excited and can’t wait for the result already… sorry to bore you guys with a long story before announcing the winner.. hehehe… (like usual, I got carried away when I write.. bleh!)

So, the book's lucky new owner is….

Jayme of 365daysinthetriangle.blogspot.com.


Congratulations Jayme!! =) I hope you will enjoy ‘Tis as much as I did. Do share with us your thought after reading it yea? Will post it out as soon as possible. Email me your address? my email is denquerida@gmail.com

P/s- I bought this book during a warehouse sale. It’s in good condition but doesn’t look very “new” though. Hope you don’t mind!

P/p/s- Thanks Alice JieJie for hosting this giveaway!

p/p/s- Sorry for the late announcement. internet was down these few days.. *winkz*

The Warmth

i think i'm falling sick.

i can feel terrible sore throat is coming to my direction and very bad headache is looking for a good spot to park behind my skull.

ugh.

luckily tomorrow's Friday. only have to stand one more day before i can have REAL rest.

being back at home this week is not as bad as i've imagined... but it feels very different to wake up on a single bed ALONE. it's been 2 years sleeping in and waking up with Smelly beside me.. it DOES feel weird these few days.. nobody's there to fight for the comforter and the extra pillows.. no snoring sound in the middle of the night... no wrestling and kicking before sleeping.. i think the worse feeling is.. to know that there's no warmth beside me when i'm feeling cold in the middle of the night. i miss the warmth.

terpesong.

I was reading my 2006/2007 archives, when I was still working with Marriott as a Reservation Specialist... and I found myself laughing all the way through. I never knew my writing style was so funny! LOL!

It’s like.. I’ll write whatever that comes out and never edit it. Not that I do now, but I tend to think a lot before writing nowadays.. You know.. Select better vocab.

It’s funny how my working life back then. I kind of missed it too. Because we were the pioneer batch, everyone's like family. But somehow, after a year working and when you know your colleagues well, there comes gossips/misunderstandings/scandals/etc. but back then, we "focused" more on gossips.

LOL! Of course, the only place that I can let out my disagreement/anger/kaypoh-ness was my blog and only 2 of my colleagues knew about it. They were my bestest colleagues/friends..

Back then; my blog is my journal (still is, though not so personal now). I never thought that people will actually read it and I never ever thought that I’d make friends through my blog. I’m more of a silent reader to most of the blogs that I frequent and only leave a comment when I really think I should shout out. In fact till now, I’m still silent to most of the blogs unless they're my friends in real life.

Writing really comforts me in some ways.

Reading others is just to be informed and up to date about the happenings.

So back to blogging… when I read the past entries, I found out that I actually cursed a lot at some point. LOL! I think bad influence from Uncle Tiu la… haha! (ok lah.. I admit la.. I curse a lot in real life too… those who knows me in real life will not be surprised..)…

Even now, sometimes, it’s hard to hold back the words… especially when you’re talking about something very interesting and by adding some magic curse word into the sentence, it’ll become more “umpphh”! get what I mean?

I used to dislike people who curse back when I was in high school. We had a friend who curse a lot… to the extend that we salute her. She’ll insert a lot of vulgar words in one sentence. 7, 9, 67, 69, lan, hai, diu, and the list goes on. I used to think that it’s not good la.. some more girl…

But mommy was right. Don’t talk bad about people… got karma one..

So when I was in college, I always hang out with my bestie, whom is a guy, and his close friend, also a guy, who is The King of All Vulgar. I hang out with them almost every day and from a girl who doesn’t know how to insert vulgar words into a sentence, I became the next Queen of Vulgar. Of course, in the beginning stage, feel really weird adding diu,lan,7,9,hai,etc in a sentence. But practice makes perfect. Wtf!

From one vulgar word in ten words, it became six in ten. Kua jiong right?

But of course… I did not use the same language to talk to everyone la… only when I’m with my bestie and some of my close friends who happen to speak the same language.

It takes a while to get used to use-less-vulgar-words. But of course, the most difficult situation is when I’m playing mahjong with Smelly’s mother! Imagine NO CURSING while mahjong!! Damn difficult can die!

So my point is…

If you wanna get rid/control of your bad cursing habit, play mahjong with your partner’s mother!!

Definitely worked for me!!!



note: why every time i intend to write something, it'll end up with something else geh??? noticed that i was talking about my blogging style, suddenly it became vulgarity! damn out weh...

outdated post...

Daddy is going to Japan with Ben on the 9th. And last Saturday, I decided to clean my room. Initially, I thought just cleaning up those old junks that have been stacked in the room ever since my brother took my room. It’s like a storeroom.. ok la.. I know I’ve been promising myself to clean my room since like… last year?? But never did cos Shorty and Fatty moved my stuff, when Fatty took over my room, without waiting for me letting me choose my room and decided that I take over my late grampa’s room and just chuck everything inside. Including their unwanted-but-still-want-to-keep stuff in it!

So cannot blame me for procrastinating la..

So many things to clean!

Daddy’s going to travel for a week, so I had to stay home to look after my gramma, I HAVE to clean it no matter what la..

Cleaning is not enough, daddy asked me to switch room with gramma cos her room is actually my old room, got air cond. Very long never turn on cos gramma only use fan.

SWITCH room again. So means more things to clean and throw and organize!

So back to last Saturday, I woke up at 9a.m (9a.m on a weekend is miracle) and getting ready to go back home from Smelly’s place. Just when I’m about to call daddy to confirm that I’m going back to clean and switch rooms, he called… and asked if I could go down town to take some medicine for gramma. She’s not feeling well since the night before. She’s been “poo-ing” non-stop. I got worried so I offered to drive her to the clinic, which is in Pudu cos grampa used to go there, it’s his doctor.

I went home and there she was… sitting on her rattan lazy-chair, watching tv. I asked if she still feels sick, she said she’s not sick. Then, I asked the maid to get her ready to go clinic. I told gramma we’re going to see the doc, she refused and said she’s not sick. The maid came out and said she doesn’t want to shower… she told me she didn’t want to put on the adult diaper and urinated there. I looked down to see a yellow patch of watery marks just below the chair. My heart sank.

I felt sad for my gramma.

I tried convincing her to take a shower. Hold her hand and asked her to follow me… “come… I bring you… follow me,” I said. Somehow, she took my hands and started walking.

Phew! Relieved that she finally agreed to shower.

She have to walk very slow cos her bones are weak. After few drags of steps, a sudden rush of pungent smell flow through the air. I looked down. Thick stream of dark brown juice flowed down thru her pants, making tiny dripping sound… as she continued dragging her slippers, trying hard to walk, I can hear the squeezing sound made by the slippers, results of the encounter with the thick liquid.

“ahh.. sudah berak…” (ahh.. she poo-ed…) my maid said, holding her left hand, me on the right.

We couldn’t do anything but to continue walking to the bathroom, which is still about 15-18 feet away.

My heart sank deeper.

I look at my gramma, she’s trying so hard to walk and when she looked at me, she just gives me her usual smile. Like nothing happened.

She doesn’t know she have no control over her bladder and rectum (is that what you call it?). And she’s dementia. Can’t do much but to try talking to her as much as possible.. Sometimes, she remembers a lot of things. Sometimes, she remember me as her neighbor...

We had hard time trying to get her to the clinic cos she doesn’t want to go out. She’s always afraid to go out from the house. Maybe because she’s afraid that we’ll send her off to somewhere and leave her alone there. She held my hand very tightly when I helped her walk towards the gate. Every few steps she took, she’ll stop and say, “I don’t want to go.” Then, I’ll say, “It’s ok… just follow me..” and she’ll walk another few steps and say, “I don’t want to go.” This repeats for few times before I had to carry her into the car cos it’s almost 12p.m and it got very hot.

Everything went well in the clinic. Got some supplement and diarrhea pills for her. A lil bit of trouble getting her out and in the car…but other than that, everything went smoothly. She even remembers my name when we reached home.

So after a week, I went back home again to do a final clean up for my room… my dad told me that after all the supplements and pills, she can walk better. I saw her and her face glowed. I think she’s getting better now. She doesn’t even need us to hold her when she walks now. I guess the supplement worked a lil… but daddy also told me that she’s not been visiting the toilet for the whole week…

Hmm…

deja vu

i found this when i was reading my archive..

funny how feelings were.

funny how all the same feelings came back.

funny how i forgot that i had those feelings before.

no wonder it felt like deja vu all over again.

i was eating watermelon just now and i felt like i'm biting on some rock. then i found out that i my tongue ring just BROKE. -_-

i texted Shorty and asked how long does it take to heal up if you take out the bar bell?

she said about a week.

lucky me. still have enough time to go home and replace with the old one.

lesson learnt : never buy cheap bar bells!! *does this mean i have excuse to shop for new one?* heh..

now, my tongue feel naked.

gah!

choose lah...

you're getting ready to go out.

when you walked out, you saw two cars waiting to pick you up.

one is your current boyfriend who most probably also a potential husband.

another one is your ex boyfriend whom you love very much but reluctantly broke up due to distance issue.

which car do you follow?

pre-thirdniversary thoughts.

Two more months till our thirdniversary.

How time flies.

October 2005 is the first time we met each other.

Our relationship progressed very fast and on New Year 2006, we’re officially dating each other.

I don’t remember if I posted up anything about him previously. Like how we met, how we started, etc..

Actually, I kind of avoid writing about it on purpose.

I noticed that I’ll write every thing in detail about my previous relationships and every time I turn back and read those entries again, I felt like I’m ALWAYS contradicting myself. And every time I re-read those entries, I’ll go “how ironic!!”

So I made a pact to myself that I’ll try to refrain myself from writing too much about Smelly in my blog.

Funny how things turned out.

When I look back what happened within these two years we’ve been together, it’s very funny and surreal.

I never imagined myself to be THIS relationship for so long. The more unserious I want it to be, the more serious this relationship turned out.

I never thought that I’d be able to stand up again and continue walking THE PATH with him so far. The more I wanted to stop walking, the further I walked with him instead.

I always thought that I could be alone. Without him. I always thought that it doesn’t matter if he’s not by my side. I even thought that it’s okay to live without him.

I was wrong.

The more I wanted to be alone, the more I felt that I needed him around.

The more I wanted him to leave me alone for his games/work/whatever, the more I wanted him to be there, even if it means boredom.

The more I wanted to get him out of my life, the more important he became.

We’re just like any other couple.

We hang out with friends a lot, we watch movies some times, we do shopping together, we argue over silly things (like why am I so fat! And how inconsiderable of him, disapproving my already SLIM figure..) Seriously, besides me getting fatter/heavier AND spending without really checking my bank balance, there is really nothing for us to argue about. I used to silently wish that we argued a lot… just to spice things up. But it almost never happens.

If you ask me how my relationship is.. I really can’t answer. I can say it’s boring. But somehow when I say it’s boring, it turns out to be quite out of the norm (at least for me, I felt it’s a bit abnormal la..)

How can a couple never argue? [Too bored to start an argument? Too tired to care?]

How can a guy never get jealous? [Does he really care? or he’s just too confident?]

How can a girl let his guy hang out with whomever without her?

How can a guy never call to check on his girl every time she’s out, even after midnight? [Trust? Or careless?]

How can a couple trust each other so much that they never rarely question each other’s doing/behavior?

How can a couple be SO comfortable with each other that they don’t feel embarrassed anymore even if it means smelly farts or stinky feet?

How can a couple never get angry at each other for more than TEN FIVE minutes?

How can all these be love?

It’s SO BORING!

It’s so….

NOTHING.

Is this even normal?

Is every couple out there facing similar situation like me too?

Or is it just us?

Should I feel happy and glad that I don’t have a naggy/possessive/care-less/abusive/weird/monster boyfriend?

Should I feel blessed that at least we know each other well?

I think I should.

Maybe I should.

But..

Do we REALLY know each other very well? Or is it just because it’s becoming a routine? Is this love? Or is this companionship? Are love and companionship meant to go along with each other? Does this mean companionship is part of love? Maybe it’s just the same thing after all.

Ironically, even when the third year is approaching, I still feel like it’s only yesterday. I felt like there are still a lot of things that I still need to learn about him. Third anniversary only happen once. And how many more anniversaries we’ll be celebrating together?

There are times when I silently think… If one day I woke up knowing that he’s not in this world anymore, what will I do? What will I be? Can I cope? Can I move on? How can he leave first? I cannot say I’m 100% sure that I cannot live without him. But I’m definitely sure that live won’t be the same without his presence.

IF he’s not here anymore, can I find another partner like him? Do I WANT to have another partner like him? Will I be happier without him? Or will my live turn upside down?

What if I’m the one who’s gone? Will he lead a happier life after me? Can he move to the next station safely without me? Will he stay put or board another train to the next destination to forget about me? About us..

These are questions that will surface once in a while. And today is one of those days. I’ll think deep and feel terribly sad about it and after a good sleep, I’ll forget the answers to those mysterious questions.

Am I feeling paranoid? I’m not sure.

Does every girl thinks like me when they’re in a relationship?

Tell me this is normal.

i like la..

I like the way you hold my hand.

I like the way you smile.

I like the way you laugh at my silly statements. “stupid dum dum”

I like the way you imitate my silliness. “ugh… why I’m becoming like you?” you’ll say.

I like the way you touch my hair after shower. “why so dry?” you’ll ask.

I like the way you kiss me goodnight on my forehead. even if I had to remind you every night. “why I have to kiss you first? You cannot kiss me first meh?” you’ll complain.

I like it when you’ll pour a cup of water for me. even if you knew I was just lazy to get up from bed. “tsk… go get yourself lah!” you’ll say while walking to the kitchen.

I like it when you wrestle with me. even when I knew I’ll end up not able to move at all. “HAHA! You’re a caterpillar!!” *wraps comforter over my shoulder with my head sticking out* UGH!!!

I like it when you say “NO!” every time I asked if I could eat something. (I was just teasing you..*tho sometimes I really do feel like eating la..*)


I like to call you “Bie” randomly. For no reason at all and you’ll fall for it every time by answering “hmm?” or “what?”.
I love you.