the day i suddenly become 30 years older.

Ahem!! i finally curled my hair last week.

but it's not the curl that i wanted lor!! i wanted wavy... but then it turned out to be CURLY... sigh! now all my friends are calling me Aunty! >_<>

NAH! preview......

very curly right?? right?

see what i mean?



i think i miss my straight hair now.

hmmphh!


see? straight hair looked 20 years younger.



my silky(ceh!) straight hair!


but right... i think i miss my short hair more... see?



short hair is even better! look 30 years younger!



you see what i mean? and i looked slimmer too!



see? so the baby face. (wakakakaka!)





but then i was lucky lah.. even with curly hair, i think i won't even end up looking like this...




WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAA!!!!!

random.

i saw Alice did the "What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?" quiz and i thought of giving it a try since she said that the analysis is quite accurate for her. here's my result..

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything. You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey. You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

eh...

a bit agree overall. but i don't think i tend to set blogging trends lor... i'm not that influencial afterall. hehe.

****************************************************

Smely starts working on weekend starting form today. =( his offday will be on Mondays. =( so it means that i have to spend my offdays without him again. sigh! 

but never mind! last time when i was working with Amex, i worked on weekend shift too... not the first time spending my offdays alone anyway. but then... it's been a year we spend our weekend lazing together, fighting to use the PC, fighting over the tv remote, asking each other to go out and buy food cos both are lazy.... hmm..

now i'm here alone on a weekend, blogging (no one fight to use PC with me).

have to go out and buy food. =( [even though i'm almost always the one who gave up and go out to buy food or cook instant noodles]...

i can hug the tv remote... or even bring it to the toillet with me.. bleh!

hmm.. who wanna yamcha, shopping, lunching, or do anything with me on weekends? i'm totally free to be your partner.. :P

how will you feel and what will you do...

when you got de-promoted from your current position? well, kinda technically got depromoted from a kinda good position to a kinda not so good/grand/sounded nice position? but your salary is still the same?

when almost everyone, especially your bosses still calls and spells your name wrongly even after a year working with them? they spells it wrongly EVERY TIME even when your email spells your CORRECT name? when there are not one version but a lot more other version of your name that got mispelled and you know it's not typo error?

when 30-40% of your colleagues starts to resign or at least are thinking about resigning or talking about getting another job?

when you know your direct superior is leaving and you got "thrown" to another department, work directly under another superior that you dread working with due to no respect?

when you woke up in the morning everyday hoping that is was still Sunday?

when you heard the alarm rang and you pretended that it was your neighbor's alarm?



tell me la...

how will you feel?

what will you do?

my gramma.

i went home 2 days ago. dad asked me if i want to go home for dinner. one of his staffs' birthday. thinking that i haven't been seeing him for a week, i thought of going home.

had dinner and gramma haven't sleep yet. it's already 8.30pm when i got home. she's sitting there, watching tv. gramma is like that.. everytime there are visitors, she can't sleep. or should i say, she won't sleep. maybe she felt insecure or something. she will be very worried and keep on asking where my father is.

she's been naughty. dad asked her to sleep cos it's late. she normally sleeps at 7pm. she just walked up and down till everyone went home.

she sat beside me. my bag was on the chair opposite where i'm sitting. she pointed at the bag and asked, "who's bag is that?" i told her it's mine. "don't put there. later people take away."

i assured her that it's ok.

after five minutes, she pointed at the bag again. "who's bag is that?"

again, i told her it's mine.

"don't put there. later people take away."

this repeated for almost 6-7 times.

then i took my bag and put it on my lap.

she stopped asking.

she saw my phone on the chair, just beside me, "is this yours?"

"yes"

"keep it. later you lose it"

sigh.

then my dad came out, after cutting the cake, he asked gramma, "do you know who is this?" pointing at me.

gramma smiled. "i know.. i know.......*mumbles*"

she can't remember me that moment.

"she's your granddaughter. remember?"

"ahh.. yes.. i remember."

no. she didn't. she said that just to make us feel better. she's afraid that we know that she can't remember.

dad's staff always comes over our house and gramma will scold them and ask them to leave the house cos she don't recognize them. dad will tease her. "she's your grand daughter, remember?" she won't believe. but when dad told her that shortie, me and fatty are her grandchildren, she will smile and say "ah.. yes.. yes.."

i felt sad.

sometimes, she remember me clearly. asking me where i went. if i'm going to school that day. (cos before her condition got worse, i was still in college).

sometimes, she thought i'm her neighbour.

sometimes, she thought i'm a friend.

but luckily most of the time, she remember my name. but when asked, she got mixed up. i hope gramma won't forget me totally. i wish she still remember i'm her grand daughter.



before she went to bed, she stared at me very long and smiled. "you lose weight" she said.

"is it?"

"why you lose weight?"

"i diet... am i pretty?"

"yes yes... of course!" she laughed.

missing home.

i found out that my baby brother started blogging yesterday. i read his first entry and it made me cried.

his english wasn't as good as me and shortie . yet he wrote something that made me teared. he wrote about his daily routine. just like when i started blogging, i wrote about my daily routine and musings.

though he's not good at english, i still think that he wrote wonderfully. why he started blogging? i wonder..

is it because he's got nobody to talk to?

is it because evrybody owns a blog, he wanna have one too?

is it because he's lonely?

i can't figure out.

i felt kinda bad for not being at home so often. and everytime i went home, he'll get some kinda scolding or lecture from me. not taht i intend to argue with him every time we met la.. just that sometimes, it's difficult talking to a teenager. (do i sound like a mother?)

the thing that made me teared is when i read about what he wrote bout my gramma, who have Alzheimer's Disease.

"my grandma knock the door...she thought a thief...so i told my grandma she is my dad staff can say my dad 'Kai Lui'...than she go away...so get back to my pc play some old games...Gunbound..after playing 20 min i heard my grandma knock louder n louder...so i tell her she sleeping dun kacau her...then get back the same things after 5 min...hiahz...so cham...because she got abit sick...sometimes she can' remember me...sometimes she call me as his son...hiahz...but nvm...old ady is like tat lor...hmm.."

after reading this, i felt a lump on my throat.

it's been a while since i go home.

i think it's time to go home now.

should i cut my hair?

OMG!!! bad-brows day!

or keep it long???

i don't know... i looked back all my short-haired photos.. i looked slimmer in it. really!! see??

so.. should i cut my hair short again???

huh? huh? huh? should i???????

rant. rant. rant.

It’s been a while since I write anything serious here.

Today, I feel like writing.

I feel like ranting. I feel like bitching. I feel like back stabbing.

I feel like complaining. It’s my blog. I can write whatever I want here right?

I feel like shit right now. So shitty that I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Talking right now is like throwing a bomb to those who’re listening. It’s like listening to a volcano that’s going to explode soon. Like that “psssttttttt pssstttttt” sound that came out from a boiling kettle. Like that “tick tick” sound from a time bomb that only left three seconds before exploding.

I don’t know what I’m writing.

Bah!! Bear with me.

I’ve been listening to a lot of things lately.. from many people around me.. especially in the office.

Damn 7 sien.

Damn 7 dulan.

Damn 7 no idea what they want.

Hou 9 lan 7 hai 9 farn. (read it in Cantonese. If you understand what I tried to express.)

Gah!!!

I hate people who think highly of themselves.

You are not smart, don’t act smart!

You are not pretty. Don’t say other people ugly!

Everything you said doesn’t really make sense. Don’t say other people’s idea is pointless.

You’re not thin as chopstick. Don’t say other people FAT!

You hate that person too, don’t pretend that you’re not.

You don’t wanna do it, you don’t have to pass those shit to me lor.

Like I don’t already have enough shit on me.

You think I’m not fit for the task, then you think you’re fit for it? Lick my smelly toes!

Gah!!!

Okay… those people I mentioned above are compilation of certain people that I deal with everyday. Yes. Few of them. Not one. FEW. Damn sien right?

Imagine I have to see them every fucking working day.

That why I chose not to talk to them if it’s not necessary. Trying hard not to get close to them. Trying hard to avoid them if I can.

They’re fuckheads who are fucking two-faced. Maybe three or four-faced creature.

Damn 7 ugly. When I mention ugly, I don’t mean physically only. It includes mentally also.

Grrrr!

Ok.. let’s not talk about those fuckheads.

Ok. I just found out that I’ve used up all my Annual Leave for this year. Whoa!! Record man!! It’s only July. Damn 7 regret for not going to the doctor when i have monthly period cramps. But it doesn’t matter anyway.

Sigh! No more annual leave means Hong Kong trip will have to postpone.

Just found out that Smelly have to wait til after New Year before he can go for long holiday. He said year end is when people buy cars. He doesn’t want to miss any good prospects.

Sigh.

Never mind. Next year is good also. More time to save money. I really need to get a part time soon. Grrr…

Why I’m not born wealthy? Why my surname is not Gates, Hilton or Marriott? (sorry ancestors.. I don’t mean to blame all of you. Forgive me please. Hikhik..)

Ok, enough of ranting.

Updates! Well, I’ve been hanging out with my girl colleagues lately. It’s been a while since I got so close with girls. Well, since high school to be exact. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing though. Hanging out with girls was like… the last thing that I will do. But this time around, I felt comfortable when I’m with them. Perhaps I’m used to being a lone ranger.

I usually won’t choose to hang out with the same person for long. I prefer to be alone most of the times. Right now, right here, at this moment, I still prefer to be alone and not to get so close with someone. I hate it when something bad happens, things go wrong, and all. If you get what I mean.

I hate the feeling of losing something. Someone.

That’s why I normally won’t get attached emotionally with people around me most of the times. Knowing more is not always a good thing. People knowing more about me is not a good thing also.

Haih.

I don’t know what I’m writing.

Pointless.

Gah!!!

i have a nice boyfriend.

smelly just bought a car for me to buy.

how cool is that?

very.

he paid down payment and i have to pay the rest in 5 years time.

that's why i said he bought a car for me to buy.

cool leh.....

stupid Picasa.

damn.

i hate Picasa!

just when i thought "oh.. let's use Picasa to upload photos. it looked easier..", some of the photos that i posted previously are GONE. i didn't know that the web album was automatically created cos all the photos are not in order. so i thought, "maybe i did something wrong" so i deleted all the photos in the album and *poof* photos all gone in the blog too!

grrrrr...

that's why some previous entires are removed until i found the photos. grrrr... i hate Picasa.

why? kenapa? 为什么? どうして?

why sad news and good news always come together...?

:(

grrr...

ok.. lemme tell the sad news first.

sad news= dy have to put down weight to FORTY NINE/49/EMPAT PULUH SEMBILAN/四十九/よんじゅうきゅう KG by SEPTEMBER!!!

THAT is almost 10 kgs!!!

how how how?

how to put 10 kgs away within 3 months?

i'm so sad now.

because the good news relates to the sad news, i have to be determine this time.

good news= an all-expense-paid trip to Hong Kong with the condition above.

ALL EXPENSE PAID wor!

which includes air tix, stay and SHOP!

SHOP! can you believe it?

SHOP!!

well... i kinda doubt that i can do it lah... it's 10/TEN/SEPULUH/十/ じゅう KGs weh!

i asked, "if i can only managed to go 50~53 kgs only, how?"

"oh... then we go Bangkok only lah..."

=.=




i don't want Bangkok! i want Hong Kong!

:(


i shall starve to thin from now. or starve to death so that i can travel around the world by teleporting.. (all ghost/angels/devils travel by teleporting right?)

shed off 10 kgs for Hong Kong... worth or not?

tell me lah... worth it or not?

go away.

i don't need your sympathy.

Day Out

guess where i went last weekend??


















heh...


no... i didn't go gardening...



went to Bukit Jalil with Chris and his gf.. with Jimmy 仔 and Alfie too.


this is one poser cat. very the poser...



see?



it was actually a photo session. we planned to start at 4pm.. since i'm not a morning person, 4pm is good.. but i woke up at 3om and brought Alfie for grooming and we reached BJ around 6pm.. the sun was setting, so the photos are not so nice lah..



the fountain behind is actually brown colored water.. imagine how dirty the pond is.


Alfie is very active. so difficult to get good photos off him.





it was very hot and humid though there's no sun.. probably because Alfie was running once i put him on the ground and i had to keep up with him.



there's a lot of people jogging there.. and a lot of kids and teenagers running around, kicking football and all.. so healthy.. unlike me, go to the park just for photo session.. :P

btw, i'm thinking of getting a bike.. so that i can go to places nearby, like going back home from ming's place, go mamak, or just cycle around.. (petrol price go up, must cut down driving.. lol! plus, can cut down my calories also) *lame*






this part is the part where Alfie likes the most... got treats!



see? if not, he won't stay still.


i love Alfie so much that i can't imagine leaving him alone one day.



poser me.


when Alfie had enough and got tired...

你在那里？

你曾经说过你会一直在我身边。

看着我。

保护着我。

好像守护星一样。

但好像星星一样，你和我的距离却是越来越远了。

现在， 我只能从远处看着那颗星星。我只能对这那颗星星许愿。

我只能希望那颗星星永远都会那么明亮。永远都不会灭。

永远都会在那里照着我。

可是最近我再看不到那颗闪亮的星星了。

我再找不到那颗属于我的星星了。

也许。。。它已经掉下去了。

也许。。。它已经不在那一个位置了。

也许。。。是我已经看不见那么远了。我想。。。是我自己不想再找那颗在我心里已经灭掉的星星了。

It's About Love.

click on the banner for more info. lazy to explain. watch and listen to this song.

i think it's a great effort for making this song. read the FAQ. interesting.

the Malaysian Artistes For Unity did a great job. well, at least now we know there ARE people out there who cared for Malaysian, not only for their own race, but Malaysian.

we are all the same race after all. we are Malaysian. =)



both the recording and the video would be given away for free. a gift to the nation. from those who love Malaysia to those who feel the same.

it's a good song! what are you guys waiting for? download and play the song all day! in the car, at office, at hoe... everywhere you go. it's FREE. and we Malaysian LOVE free stuffs. *winkz*

it was a birthday?

yesterday was my birthday.

it didn't felt like a birthday.

it was a very dull and boring day, just like any other days. i spent the whole afternoon sleeping, cleaning the room and washing all the dirty clothes that's been piled up since God knows when..

Ming brought me out for dinner at Roadhouse Grill with Gary, Joyce and Mun. dinner was ok.

my colleagues actually asked me to go for karaoke last night but then i turned them down. was quite late after dinner so i thought no point going la.. i know... quite "sou hing"cos Vincent texted me and told me everyone was there.. only waiting for me to appear la.. but then.. sorry Vincent.. was too tired for karaoke...


so i'm officially 23 years old now.

i didn't know what to expect, turning 23 is like... nothing.

nothing out of the ordinary happened. nothing changed. nothing extra memorable. well, i think i can see a few wrinkles started to form on the edge of my eyes and mouth.. or was it just an illusion? was it just me? or it was already there ever since?

a year older.

i still don't feel any wiser. or perhaps i DID get a lil wiser unknowingly. but i still felt like a little girl, crying for the same attention i thought i needed, hoping to get love that i thought was not enough, trying to fit in knowing that it was just a courtesy, wishing for the simplest miracle to happen. i still felt like a little girl.. too easy to trust. too easy to give in. too easy to be satisfied. still a lil naive.

giving this much does not mean that you'll get that much in return. sometimes, you wouldn't get anything at all.. but you'll still give this much. why? perhaps you thought there might be still a lil hope there.

this is what always happen to me. hoping to much when too much is never there.

*********************************************************

oh.. btw, no cake and candle blowing this year... does that mean that i'm still 22? 22 sounds nicer.. younger.. :P

i should start spending on facial products!