bad decision made.

not the end.

far from the end.

the journey has just begun...

fuck you!

i've resigned.

yes. you read it correctly.

I'VE RESIGNED from the new job that i've worked just for 5 days. 

that fucking arrogant piece of shit director just made me realised that i've made a WISE decision to leave that company.

no wonder you don't have a long-term staff.

now i know why.

so long..

so today will be my last day in Kurnia.

quite a very jinxed day cos my stomach is full of gas since 11pm last night. i couldn't do anything but to bear with the pain that come and go the WHOLE FREAKING NIGHT! so the pain started from the upper abdomen and by the time i finally woke up for work, the pain moved to the lower abdomen.

pff!

i hope it will move all out soon cos it's annoying to have the pain but no shit come out!! grrr!

another jinxed moment is that the stupid coffee machine decided to DIE ON ME when i wanted to make the LAST cup of coffee for my boss before he went outstation this morning! (i managed to make him Nescafe though... only drank 2 sips and he rushed off!)

sobz!

even last few days, there are few series of unfortunate events happened.. maybe i'm meant to stay!

whatever.

note to self : dy, don't be silly.. you've made a decision and there's no right or wrong decisions.. there's only good or bad! don't.. don't.. dont even think about it you evil brain!

ok.

off to lunch!

I Am Feeling Adventurous!

It’s been 3 years since the last time I’ve caught a hangover.

Not.Funny.At.All.Damn.Sen.Fu.

My head is spinning like madness.

I don’t understand why people actually liked drinking.

I got no choice. But you have a choice… why drink leh?

But then again, if you don’t drink, I won’t make money.

How ironic.

******************************************

woohoo!! off to Cherating this weekend!!

it's an ad hoc trip. i just thought about it this morning and i texted a few people.. many can't make it cos it's too short notice. but my best friend, Ann (i love you! muah muah!) replied and agreed to go with me! so the two of us will go together and relax for the weekend (bonding after so long didn't see each other!!).. sun.. beach.. books.. turtles.. camwhoring! yay!! i feel damn adventurous cos it's like so last minute and it's gonna be our girl's day out and both of us never been there before! but then i still feel a bit dangerous for two girls to go alone.. so, i texted Deric and he said he'll go if Shirley(his fiance) is going.. so i kinda left Shirley with no choice but to agree cos she got no plan yet and my plan is her plan.. lol! so off we'll go!! (hopefully they won't ffk me). will go home and ask Ming if he wanna follow us.. still waiting for Kenny and Peks' reply..

Farewell With A Heavy Heart.

I finally went in and see my boss.

I told him that I wanted to resign and he persuaded me to stay.

I nearly cried. I was kinda holding back those tears.

Of course, I also nearly thought of dropping the idea of resigning after what he told me. Some encouraging words of wisdom. But I didn’t succumb to that idea cos I know it’s not what I wanted. Though I know this is a very comfortable place to work in, a place where I can learn many things but at the end of the day, it’s not what I’m looking forward to. Like he said, “you already have the right attitude, just that you don’t have the passion. All you need is to put in a lil bit of effort and passion into what you’re doing. It’s not about job. It’s about the passion. You HAVE to like what you’re doing..”

I told him I don’t think I can be a good secretary. I don’t think I can do it.

“You cannot think that way. How do you know you can’t do it? Don’t look down on yourself… you have to think that you can… you have to have positive thinking…”

“I think this is not what I wanted and it’s not what I’m good at…”

So I told him that I’ve made up my mind and he also agreed that if my heart is not here, it’s difficult to do things. Totally agree.

I’m gonna miss having a nice boss like him!

*sobz*

Home pc was spoilt. Don’t know what's wrong with it. Can’t seem to turn it on. We suspected that it got struck by lightning cos the house phone is spoilt too.

So there’ll be no photos until it’s fixed.

I’ve drafted a post on my facial product purchase 2 weeks ago, but the card reader was spoilt so no photos yet. Now the pc spoilt.. grr.

Oh.. I heard that Stila is having clearance sale. I was at Pavilion last Saturday and I didn’t notice! Hmphh.. should’ve drop by and use my vouchers on cosmetics instead of some stupid lingerie that I don’t get to wear huh..

Eh.. randomness… I think I started to like it Blackberry! Though I still think that it’s a bit bulky. Ok.. Blackberry shall be my next target! But then.. iPhone sounds great too. But.. touch screen is a major turn off for me. For a phone lah.. cos I think it’s not so convenient. Stick to Blackberry *dream*

brainless conversation.

me: ok
so my 2-balls are gutless

vincent: hahah
u where got balls one
u got hai only

me: i got 2 tits ma.. round also
can consider as balls

vincent: tiu
cha lan tou

me: hahaha

vincent: yalorr
then u also made up decision liao

me: ya.. but i dunno how to tell my boss ma

vincent: u go in
and tell la u have something u wanna tell him
then tell lo
this one u can honest say
not like u need to cock

me: haih... why is it so hard to resign this time...
the last time all also very easy one

vincent: coz the ppl are kind mah
last time u sudah dulan one
but this time is not really dulan mah

me: yawor.. come to think of it.. last time all boss also nothing to shout about.
nothing for me to stay

vincent: yalorr

me: but this time.. boss so good until i dunno how to break his heart
hahah

vincent: so u see, ur boss also good
so is like u wanna break up with ur bf, but ur bf did ntg wrong
lolz

me: mahai
must use this example meh
i terasa one u know
HAHAHAHA

vincent: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
i pura bodoh lo
but is gd example mah

me: cb

My 2-Balls Are Gutless.

So I have made a decision to resign from my current job.

 

Time to move on to the next station.

 

The thing is... I don't know how to do it. I kinda chickened out just before I'm going in to see my boss this morning, which is my supposedly planned best time to tender my resignation.

 

My boss is, no doubt, a very nice boss and very nice man in general. He gave me no difficulty in my job but the longer I work with him, the more I feel that I'm not fit for the job. Like I said, even my close friend cum ex-colleague told me that I am definitely not a Personal Assistant material, which I kinda agree.

 

I feel bad for not being able to meet up to his standard. I feel bad that I'm so lost in this industry and not taking much initiative to be better (maybe it's really because I don't have much interest in insurance generally). I feel bad to have such a goldfish memory. I feel bad that I'm not sensitive enough in certain areas. I definitely feel bad when the CEO's PA is damn good compared to me. Like heaven and hell. I kinda feel like I'm not much of a help to him.

 

When I first join this company, I thought that I can do better than before. I thought that I'm well-prepared. I thought that it's gonna be easy. I thought that I can become a super-PA. But I was wrong. I am not suitable for this position. At all.

 

For a person who can't sit still, I'm considered doing a good job for this whole 6 months. This place, for a lot of people, is a very comfortable place. Fixed working hours. Fixed days. Good benefits, like lunch, medical, gym, more AL compared to most small companies etc. but for me, this is not the things that matter most. I needed something more exciting. That lil something that keeps me motivated and keep me striving for more. of course, the new job awaiting for me have less AL, more working hours/days, less benefits cos it's not a big company, but the things that I'll learn and the experience that I'll get in return, I think it's worth it. I cannot say it's 100% worthwhile, but at least I know it's something that I'll love doing.

 

Now.. how am I going to tell my boss that I wanted to leave?

 

He's such a nice boss. It hurts to think that I'm letting him down.

 

 

 

Lazy Weekend Singing With Singers. Hahaha!!

I wasted last weekend doing nothing.

Oh.. actually I wasted the whole Sunday.

Went to Bukit Bintang on Saturday. Appointment at KL Plaza at 2p.m. but was postponed to 3.30p.m. last minute. After appointment, went to Pavilion for a walk. To Parkson cos I got RM100 cash vouchers expiring soon so I was wandering in Parkson thinking what to buy. I went in and out 3 times, nothing caught my eyes. So finally I bought some lingerie from La Senza.

Reached home just before a heavy rain. Napped a while before going off to work.

Woke up at 10.30a.m. on Sunday thinking to clean the very VERY messy room and do some laundry that’s been piled up since a month ago. *Gasp*

But went back to sleep cos it’s too early.. woke up at 12ish cos someone called and went back to sleep naturally. And when FINALLY woke up, it’s already 5.30p.m.

-_-

So I returned a call and got invited to Redbox @ The Gardens. Reached there at about 6.15 and went to pharmacy to get some toiletries before going to Redbox. You wouldn’t believe who I went singing with… hehe.. very good singers in real life. Imagine singing a song with the real singer… (G, your dream came true.. *winkz*) Hope to see them around again soon.


So I was saying that I want to clean the room, rearrange some stuff and especially do the laundry! And also, clean the closet. Damn.. so messy now. I REALY NEED A CHEST DRAWER!!!! I don’t care.. I’m going to get one this weekend!

Back to work!

no guts.

Life is funny. Definitely unpredictable.

When you’re in a position where you need to make decisions and you’ve finally made up your mind, somehow, something tells you that “hey.. maybe there’s another better way of doing it… maybe what you have decided is not so much of a help… maybe that’s not the best way of getting out of the system…”

Ugh. I don’t know.

They say, “you only see the person’s good things when he/she is gone”. I think I’m in this situation. Only that… nobody is dead. *choi!!* (no.. I’m not referring to relationship either..)

One thing about me is that I’m very impulsive BUT indecisive.

I hope that my subconscious isn’t telling me to chicken out.

S.A.F.S (Save A Fat Soul) wtf.

I’m worried.

I looked fat lately. Really fat. I feel fat. But strange thing is… I didn’t put on any weight and all my clothes still fits me like it used to.

How come leh?

Maybe because I feel ugly so I naturally feel fat too.

Damn.

I think it’s either because of my hair, or I’m already used to seeing myself in make-up.

And lately.. I think my nose is too big.. HUGE.

*Gasp! Horror!*

Am I becoming vainer?

Please.tell.me.i’m.not.

Thank you very much.

p/s- seriously.. I think my nose is very big.


******************************************

I don’t know about this anymore.

Hmm.

It’s a mixed feeling of irony, indecisiveness, heavy heart and curiosity.

Part of me wants it so badly. But another part of me doesn’t because I’ve fallen into the comfort zone. Not that I cannot adapt to changes. But then… I’m more than happy to live in comfort than to live in surprises. Seriously. But I don’t mind surprises since it’ll bring excitement.

I seriously need a professional advice.

Anyone care to help a lost fat soul?

maybe unfit?

I don’t understand why some MOST people had to use the lift even if it’s only ONE FLOOR up/down!!! Got staircase cannot use meh? Walk one floor up/down is very difficult meh?? Hphh! Because of you people, people like ME, had to stop floor by floor before reaching my destination! UGH!
-end of rant-

It’s already April! One more month tour trip! Oh.. Deric and Shirley might be coming along too. Yay! The more the merrier! Hopefully they won’t ffk last minute though.

Oh.. Supposed I booked the flight at noon, but I think they cancelled their 12pm flight and we had to reschedule to either 3pm or 9am. So I changed it to 9am cos more time for us there! Hehe.

I’ve been refraining myself from buying any clothes, shoes and accessories lately cos I wanted to get everything there cos it’s so very the cheap compared to here! (ok lah.. maybe not shoes.. but I’ll try my best not to buy anything form now on except for food… ok.. and cigarettes).

I seriously can’t wait for it man!

*****************************************

Today is like… quite a very dull day. Boss went for a workshop for SMC so there’s nothing much to do. I’m beginning to feel that I’m not much of a help to him and what Vincent said all this while (to which, I very agree!) that I’m not fit to be a personal assistant/secretary/whatever you wanna call it. Seriously, I think it’s very true lor! I don’t have a good memory. I can’t concentrate in something that I’m not interested in ie: meetings. I’m not super well-organized compared to other PAs. I just.. ok, I admit it.. I just can’t sit still all day long. That’s so not me.

As much as I tried stopping myself comparing the current job to the previous ones, I found myself stuck in the thoughts more. I’m trying hard. But I’m not sure if I’m giving my best (ugh.. confidence issue..) gah! Whatever.

*****************************************

Things happen for a reason. And I hope I don’t have to always find a reason for an excuse.

Is This What I Really Want?

Lately, I don’t dream about weird dreams so often anymore.
I can’t say that I’m more focused lately but I think I’m feeling more stable. As in emotionally (hopefully financially will come next though).

I went yumcha with a college friend, who’s getting married end of this year btw, last week and we talked about quite a lot of things. Like work and personal life. After we went home, he texted me something and got me thinking for a while.

I’m not sure whatever he sees in me (after 3 years we didn’t talk cos he’s oversea) or the way he sees me now is still the same like what I was when we used to hang out together last time. Somehow, I disagree to one of the two things he mentioned, which, I’ve replied him with my reasons and another one, I’m not sure myself whether to agree or disagree so I just ignored it.

I think it’s time for me to really sit down and ponder upon that issue. Not that I’m avoiding it completely before this. Not that I’ve never thought about it before this. I knew about the existence for a while now. It’s just that I don’t really have the courage to give a deep thought to it. I don’t have the guts to think about the next step if the issue is going to affect me forever.

Perhaps I had chosen to live in denial when it comes to this issue.

I don’t know.

I hope this will not haunt me forever. I guess this is a part of growing up old.

Renew Passport take 1 - FAIL.

Yesterday, I took leave to renew my passport with Ming. We went out around 9.30a.m because he needs to stop by at Taipan, Subang to drop his car at workshop. I was a bit annoyed at first because we were quite late already because the last time I went to renew my passport, I reached there before 8a.m and the people waiting in line is enough to make you just give up and go home. But Ming told me that his colleagues said it’s better to go as late as possible because there’ll be not much people since everyone went there in the morning. -_-

We reached Subang Airport around 10.30 and luckily, there weren’t as many people as I thought there’ll be. So we were looking for a parking space and Ming asked, “We only need to bring IC right?” and I was like… OMG!!! Shit shit shit! “I FORGOT TO BRING MY EXPIRED PASSPORT!”

Since it was Ming’s first time applying, he only needs photos and IC. But for renewal, we need to actually give them our expired one. So I try my luck asking if it’s okay to submit the renewal form first, while I go home to take the old passport, which, of course, cannot!

So Ming continued with his application and I took the instant passport photo cos I don’t have one and I purposely make up to look good in the new passport :P So while Ming was at the counter taking his number, they check his IC and read it in the reader thing.. so just in case, I just pass them my IC to see whether my card’s chip is functional… and they checked and say, “Sorry Miss, this card is spoilt.”

Horror!

She told me that I cannot renew passport without a functional MyKad and said I can go to JPN and get a temporary IC and it’s very fast only. So I look at the list of JPN nearest to Subang Airport, which is in Padang Jawa. So I left Ming there waiting for his turn to submit his application. Since I’m a bit of a direction idiot, I just follow signboard.

I reached the first toll (to take ticket), asked the staff, she said follow Shah Alam. So I follow Shah Alam and reach another toll (to pay), ask the staff again, she said, “Padang Jawa? You follow Klang faster. Here very far lah. You can U turn back.” so I U turn, follow Klang. So I reach the toll again and asked, “Padang Jawa how to go?” the staff replied me dunno what then I asked, “Padang Jawa nearer or Jalan Kapar nearer?” he told me Jalan Kapar.

So I went to Klang direction following the signboard. Then I reached a place that I’m not familiar with. I called JPN’s number and get direction. That brings me to another very unfamiliar place. Kebetulan there’s a police station. So I stopped by and asked for directions from the abang polis. He directed me to Jalan Kapar. But the building that he said “you boleh namapak bila you sampai Jalan Kapar” was not anywhere in sight. So I stopped by a petrol station and asked a couple there. rupa-rupanya it’s just right after the petrol station.

Luckily the process of getting a temporary IC is less than 5 minutes, but then the journey there. Hmphh! When I reached the immigration to get Ming, he told me he has to wait another 2 hours after he make the payment. That time, he’s still waiting for his turn to make payment. So we had our lunch there and about 1.30 or 2pm, we make payment and told them that we’ll come back another day to take the passport cos Ming cannot wait so long cos he have to work and I have another appointment at 4pm.

So there.

Renew passport became renew IC.

T_T

Have to take leave to renew passport AGAIN! ccb!

New Phone

Backdated post.

3 weeks ago...


Oh.. btw, yea.. I finally got myself a new phone Smelly got me a new phone. Cos my spare phone decided to act funny on me. pffft.

First, my SE w810i always shut down on its own (after I changed the housing from black to white, which I totally regret now). Then, I switched back to black housing cos apparently the white one doesn’t suit the phone. After I switched back to the black one, it STILL shut down by itself AND the camera doesn’t work. Send it for repair and after few weeks I got it back, it shut down automatically AGAIN and this time, some buttons are not functional!! I sent the phone and they say some electronics inside is spoilt. Need to change. GAH!! Money again!! Being cheapskate, I decided to use my spare phone, my trusty Nokia 7200. After more than half a year, it decided to act funny. -_- First, it shut down by itself (is it ME or is it normal??). Last weekend, it decided to turn the loudspeaker by itself whenever I answer calls! Wtf? Why all my phones like to do things by itself geh?? Very funny.

So want it or not, I need to get a new phone ASAP. Tak kan want the whole world to hear whatever the caller said to me every time I’m on the phone right?

Smelly’s been telling me before Christmas that SE T303 is not bad. Cos it’s small and nice looking. Well.. it IS small and nice looking. But it has got no function at all! Compared to my w810 la..

But I got no choice. Since I got negative money, and it’s within Smelly’s budget, so we bought it yesterday (Thank You lah.. Muahx!).

The phone comes with built-in 8GB memory without additional memory slot, 1.3mp camera without flash, er.. The rest I no need say lah.. It’s a very basic phone. Perfect to use as second phone. Since it’s almost the same like my Nokia 7200 (but better cos it can play mp3 files and not VGA camera), so I don’t mind using it for now.

I’m thinking of fixing the w810 cos I’m used to it already. This T303 is a slide phone, which I think the 1,2,3 buttons are quite hard to press cos the upper space is quite small. The ‘C’ and Menu button is also quite hard to press, as I need to press it harder than usual. It’s so small that it feels quite fragile.

Talk about fragile, I dropped the phone even before I insert my SIM card!

Smelly lah! I passed to him to open the back cover for me and his leg stretched out and knocked on my hand and *piak*.. The phone dropped.

Both of us gave each other a -_- look.

I guess it’s time to get used to this mini phone!