For me, I don’t
think I am. Not yet. Not even sure if it’s near.
I envy
those who are courageous enough to take the big giant step of their lives,
chasing their dreams, fulfilling their goals in life, living the way they want,
enjoying every moment of the path they chosen.
That big
giant step is a leap that not everyone dares to take. At least to me, it isn’t
easy.
Many times,
I looked back and wondered… “What if…”s
What if I never
do this? What if I never do that? What if I did that? What will happen if…. And
the questions went on and on…
Most of the
time, I’d end up accepting the answers by convincing myself that everything is
better now than whatever it was. I’d give myself an answer that I
wanted to hear.
But the
truth is… am I really accepting it?
Am I living
the life that I intended to? Am I enjoying it? How do I achieve what I dreamed
of? Am I dreaming too big? Or am I just being a coward?
Why didn’t I
have enough of that courage to take the path not taken? What stopped me? Why I worried
so much back then? Why is it getting more difficult now than before? Is it
because of aging? Maturity? The older I get, the less courageous I am? Or perhaps
the older I get, the more rational I am?
Rational? What
is rationality? How does someone justify that whatever I’m doing is rational or
not?
In the end,
the basic rule of living, to me, is… just to be happy.
But what is
happiness?
Being contented?
Having great friends? Making lots of money? Being loved?
What is it?
I envy
those who love their lives. Enjoying them like there’s no tomorrow.
How do they
do that? Are they not worried at all? How do they find balance?
I believe
that He has a plan for me. But the thing is… what is IT?
2 comments:
Though i know u want it, but the consequences of it, is too big for a person to sustain alone if he/she himself is to chase the dream. It comes with anxiety, alcoholism, depression while maintain saint and up to go everyday. Hence, this is not something a normal human should go. I do, but i dun wish u do. In the mean time, i still can take it, and~~ like i said to you always..one day! haha! dun think so much la dy.
By the way, the one that like you said = no one can do that, is just that they(me) can just give up their soul~ becoz there r something that hurt them so much, they can't continue if they dun do that. is a bad cycle. u r good~~~ u got me mah~~aiya~ no worry la. And may god bless you~~pray to god ya~( I duwan to get success, ironic to what i did, but in my guts i really duwan, but well~~ maybe god mission for me when i ask him is same...go ahead and fuk urself up and u will be fine.. LOL, dafuq rite? even u ask god and god answer u...
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