me and cousie, peijun. 

us! 

debb and desmond.. love them! 

debb and denise 

me posing..  

debb posing 

kiss the bride!! 

me and aunt yin 

three monkeys from my dad's salon.. 

debb and the pau! 

what is love and relationship?

i woke up at 7a.m. this morning and i saw harvey online... we talked a while and i went back to sleep. things are totally different now. i don't know what is wrong with me.

i don't know who to turn to now. last weekend, i went to my sister's place for afterparty. so, i was sitting at the balcony of her 13th-floor condo alone, smoking a cigarette.. i was doing some thinking.. and i looked down at the swimming pool, which is not so far away from her block. as i was looking down, i wonder.. "how it's gonna be like to jump down from a tall building like this? what is the feeling when a person is going down?? how it feels when a person landed from the jump???" i was so curious that time.. and suddenly, i felt a chill from my neck down to my spine.. i got paranoid and went in the house to avoid other unthinkable scene to happen. it's funny how a person's mind work during certain times. and it's scary too..

so, few hours after that, i went back to the balcony for another cig.. this time, korkor is with me.. he knows i'm not feeling good. i told him i wanted to talk.. but nobody wants to listen anymore. he told me that he'll be there whenever possible.. and he told me.. "it's okay to let it out.. it's okay to tell me.. BUT.. no emo emo, no cry cry ah...." (hehe) he's nice.. though he's always with his harsh tone and all.. but that's just the way he brought himself in the public.. with his behaviour, people won't dare to undermine him.. i seriously respect him for being able to control his emotions well. (korkor, if you're reading this, i really meant what i said... love you!!! muahxxx!!!) so i told him what's bothering me.. too bad i didn't have the chance to finish what i was telling him.. but i'm sure there'll be next time.. *winkz*

one good thing i like bout hanging at my sister's place is that... her friends are super nice people.. i know they won't let me down (in terms of comforting and protecting me).. they really have the ability to make me forget bout my problems and enjoy myself..

i know they love me and they will protect me if whatever shit happens to me. *grins*

well, sometimes, i wonder what is a relationship.. and what is love...? i'm sure there are different interpretations on those terms..

just wanted to share my thoughts..

love is not about taking and keeping.. it is not about dominating and conquering.. not hoping too much.. not just waiting for something to happen.. not about "you" or "me"..

it's about giving and learning how to let go.. sharing and giving in.. to make things happen and go through it together.. it's about "us".. it's about understanding and not to take anything too personal.. it's about being sensitive and alert..


[music on air]
yesterday by the beatles.

[current mood]
lagging.

[quote of the day]
learn to stand up yourself after a fall, so that you won't be afraid of falling in the future.

[next station]
tv time...!

What Can Happen In A Week.

so i was trying to be a good daughter lately.. lol!! serious!! i stayed at home the whole weekend, i go to college everyday.. (well.. ok.. not today cos i skipped computer lab..), i go home after class.. i watch tv at home.. i hang around at home... well, the point is.. i didn't go out late at night already.. which, my dad thinks, is a good thing since i started class. and yea.. i kinda made a promise to people around me that i'm not going out on weekend nights until my holiday starts... bad promise eh?? but i still think that i can do it.. hopefully.. lol!!

so anyway, i've got my pc fixed... (thanks a bunch to jerome!!).. and finally, harvey responded to my "rage" by sending an offline text to me the other day. and yes.. we IM the day after and i felt better. and THAT was the only time that i feel good. and after that, all back to square one... -_-:

i'm so not going to try hard anymore.. i'm sick and tired of it.. i think i'll use another way to deal with this kind of situation.. which is..... to be a copy-cat.... simple right?? do what he's doing. he keep quiet, i'll shut my mouth.. i'll just follow what he's doing.. fair and square. he don't care, i'm not going to care too.. i've never believe in revenge, but sometimes, we really HAVE to be evil... sigh~


[music on air]
collide by howie day

[current mood]
better than worse

[quote of the day]
"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." - Theodore M Hesburgh

[next station]
zZzzzZZzZz

so, i went late to college today... class at 10a.m. but i reached there at 10.30a.m. went in the class, no chair, went next door to take one, he locked the door. ugh! so i decided to wait for the 2p.m class.. went to mid valley for lunch with amanda and daphne... went back college around 1.20p.m.. brad said wanna eat.. accompanied him but i decided not to go for the 2p.m. class since i was gonna be late.. so i waited at main block with brad's laptop.. thought of going for the 4p.m. class.. but then again.. the devil was right beside me, telling me not to go, better go home and sleep... aih... so i went to college for nothing today...

hmm..
too many things happened lately... but i think everything will be okay soon.. hopefully.... though things aren't always as good as it seems, but i think nothing is as bad either..



[music on air]
breathing by lifehouse.

[current mood]
swingy.

[quote of the day]
he could be anywhere in the world, but he chooses to be with her cos life is better with her by her side.

[next station]
knit.

merdeka eve after party... 

troubles, thoughts and feelings.

well, yesterday was fun. though unplanned, it went great. went to a production house's opening, there was a party there. at first, i thought it was bored, so me and fazral went to KJ for a drink. few hours after that, debb said it's happening. there's a dj spinning, so we went back there. it's unexpectedly fun. so i guess, everybody enjoyed the night though everything was last minute. after that, we went to another place, i forgot where it was.. i think it's somewhere in damansara perdana, nearby the production house. we chilled there for one or two hours i think.. everybody's so friendly though we just met. they're nice. we went back to fazral's place and i spent the night. poor Man, he waited for us at home the whole night. how i wished that he was there. at least he's one of a person whom i know there last night besides my sis, fazral, amin and korkor. met a few people though. they're nice too. i enjoyed it pretty much.

hmm... friendship.. it's something that you really can't predict. and most of the time, friendship is like a betrayal of all time. i mean.. it's ironic.. you trust them wholeheartedly, yet you can't trust them so much. i really don't understand.. how can a friend, a best friend, whom you know for years, all of a sudden, feel that you're not that good anymore. perhaps, that you're never good, even though he knows you very well? even though all this while, he tells you that you're actually a nice person, that you're different from others.. that's why he feels very comfortable talking to you.. but in a split second, you became a total stranger to him.. everything looks ugly.. and he don't see you like he always does.. in just a split second, you lose it... hmm.. and that's what you call friend. a friend who understand you the most. a friend who's there anytime, everytime. a friend who used to care. a friend who used to say that you're the only best girl friend that he can talk about almost anything and everything. a friend who did what normal friends doesn't do. a friend whom you trust the most.. turns out to be something that you never even expect... he just let you go.. when he knows that you're falling, he just let go off his hands and watch you fall hard on the ground... THAT'S a friend that i have. disappointed and clueless. i wish i know what's the reason behind all this.. i wish i know...

sigh~
i wish there's someone who can understand me and accept me for who i am. i wish there's someone whom i can talk to no matter what mood i have. i wish there's someone who can cuddle me and tell me everything's gonna be okay. i wish to be heard.. i prayed to God almost every night, and i wonder if He heard my prayers. i really wish that He does.


[current mood]
sober.

[quote of the day]
"To the world you might be one person, but to one person you just might be the world" (i wish this is true...)

[next station]
sleep.