rant. rant. rant.

It’s been a while since I write anything serious here.

Today, I feel like writing.

I feel like ranting. I feel like bitching. I feel like back stabbing.

I feel like complaining. It’s my blog. I can write whatever I want here right?

I feel like shit right now. So shitty that I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Talking right now is like throwing a bomb to those who’re listening. It’s like listening to a volcano that’s going to explode soon. Like that “psssttttttt pssstttttt” sound that came out from a boiling kettle. Like that “tick tick” sound from a time bomb that only left three seconds before exploding.

I don’t know what I’m writing.

Bah!! Bear with me.

I’ve been listening to a lot of things lately.. from many people around me.. especially in the office.

Damn 7 sien.

Damn 7 dulan.

Damn 7 no idea what they want.

Hou 9 lan 7 hai 9 farn. (read it in Cantonese. If you understand what I tried to express.)

Gah!!!

I hate people who think highly of themselves.

You are not smart, don’t act smart!

You are not pretty. Don’t say other people ugly!

Everything you said doesn’t really make sense. Don’t say other people’s idea is pointless.

You’re not thin as chopstick. Don’t say other people FAT!

You hate that person too, don’t pretend that you’re not.

You don’t wanna do it, you don’t have to pass those shit to me lor.

Like I don’t already have enough shit on me.

You think I’m not fit for the task, then you think you’re fit for it? Lick my smelly toes!

Gah!!!

Okay… those people I mentioned above are compilation of certain people that I deal with everyday. Yes. Few of them. Not one. FEW. Damn sien right?

Imagine I have to see them every fucking working day.

That why I chose not to talk to them if it’s not necessary. Trying hard not to get close to them. Trying hard to avoid them if I can.

They’re fuckheads who are fucking two-faced. Maybe three or four-faced creature.

Damn 7 ugly. When I mention ugly, I don’t mean physically only. It includes mentally also.

Grrrr!

Ok.. let’s not talk about those fuckheads.

Ok. I just found out that I’ve used up all my Annual Leave for this year. Whoa!! Record man!! It’s only July. Damn 7 regret for not going to the doctor when i have monthly period cramps. But it doesn’t matter anyway.

Sigh! No more annual leave means Hong Kong trip will have to postpone.

Just found out that Smelly have to wait til after New Year before he can go for long holiday. He said year end is when people buy cars. He doesn’t want to miss any good prospects.

Sigh.

Never mind. Next year is good also. More time to save money. I really need to get a part time soon. Grrr…

Why I’m not born wealthy? Why my surname is not Gates, Hilton or Marriott? (sorry ancestors.. I don’t mean to blame all of you. Forgive me please. Hikhik..)

Ok, enough of ranting.

Updates! Well, I’ve been hanging out with my girl colleagues lately. It’s been a while since I got so close with girls. Well, since high school to be exact. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing though. Hanging out with girls was like… the last thing that I will do. But this time around, I felt comfortable when I’m with them. Perhaps I’m used to being a lone ranger.

I usually won’t choose to hang out with the same person for long. I prefer to be alone most of the times. Right now, right here, at this moment, I still prefer to be alone and not to get so close with someone. I hate it when something bad happens, things go wrong, and all. If you get what I mean.

I hate the feeling of losing something. Someone.

That’s why I normally won’t get attached emotionally with people around me most of the times. Knowing more is not always a good thing. People knowing more about me is not a good thing also.

Haih.

I don’t know what I’m writing.

Pointless.

Gah!!!

i have a nice boyfriend.

smelly just bought a car for me to buy.

how cool is that?

very.

he paid down payment and i have to pay the rest in 5 years time.

that's why i said he bought a car for me to buy.

cool leh.....

stupid Picasa.

damn.

i hate Picasa!

just when i thought "oh.. let's use Picasa to upload photos. it looked easier..", some of the photos that i posted previously are GONE. i didn't know that the web album was automatically created cos all the photos are not in order. so i thought, "maybe i did something wrong" so i deleted all the photos in the album and *poof* photos all gone in the blog too!

grrrrr...

that's why some previous entires are removed until i found the photos. grrrr... i hate Picasa.

why? kenapa? 为什么? どうして?

why sad news and good news always come together...?

:(

grrr...

ok.. lemme tell the sad news first.

sad news= dy have to put down weight to FORTY NINE/49/EMPAT PULUH SEMBILAN/四十九/よんじゅうきゅう KG by SEPTEMBER!!!

THAT is almost 10 kgs!!!

how how how?

how to put 10 kgs away within 3 months?

i'm so sad now.

because the good news relates to the sad news, i have to be determine this time.

good news= an all-expense-paid trip to Hong Kong with the condition above.

ALL EXPENSE PAID wor!

which includes air tix, stay and SHOP!

SHOP! can you believe it?

SHOP!!

well... i kinda doubt that i can do it lah... it's 10/TEN/SEPULUH/十/ じゅう KGs weh!

i asked, "if i can only managed to go 50~53 kgs only, how?"

"oh... then we go Bangkok only lah..."

=.=




i don't want Bangkok! i want Hong Kong!

:(


i shall starve to thin from now. or starve to death so that i can travel around the world by teleporting.. (all ghost/angels/devils travel by teleporting right?)

shed off 10 kgs for Hong Kong... worth or not?

tell me lah... worth it or not?

go away.

i don't need your sympathy.

Day Out

guess where i went last weekend??


















heh...


no... i didn't go gardening...



went to Bukit Jalil with Chris and his gf.. with Jimmy 仔 and Alfie too.


this is one poser cat. very the poser...



see?



it was actually a photo session. we planned to start at 4pm.. since i'm not a morning person, 4pm is good.. but i woke up at 3om and brought Alfie for grooming and we reached BJ around 6pm.. the sun was setting, so the photos are not so nice lah..



the fountain behind is actually brown colored water.. imagine how dirty the pond is.


Alfie is very active. so difficult to get good photos off him.





it was very hot and humid though there's no sun.. probably because Alfie was running once i put him on the ground and i had to keep up with him.



there's a lot of people jogging there.. and a lot of kids and teenagers running around, kicking football and all.. so healthy.. unlike me, go to the park just for photo session.. :P

btw, i'm thinking of getting a bike.. so that i can go to places nearby, like going back home from ming's place, go mamak, or just cycle around.. (petrol price go up, must cut down driving.. lol! plus, can cut down my calories also) *lame*






this part is the part where Alfie likes the most... got treats!



see? if not, he won't stay still.


i love Alfie so much that i can't imagine leaving him alone one day.



poser me.


when Alfie had enough and got tired...

你在那里？

你曾经说过你会一直在我身边。

看着我。

保护着我。

好像守护星一样。

但好像星星一样，你和我的距离却是越来越远了。

现在， 我只能从远处看着那颗星星。我只能对这那颗星星许愿。

我只能希望那颗星星永远都会那么明亮。永远都不会灭。

永远都会在那里照着我。

可是最近我再看不到那颗闪亮的星星了。

我再找不到那颗属于我的星星了。

也许。。。它已经掉下去了。

也许。。。它已经不在那一个位置了。

也许。。。是我已经看不见那么远了。我想。。。是我自己不想再找那颗在我心里已经灭掉的星星了。

It's About Love.

click on the banner for more info. lazy to explain. watch and listen to this song.

i think it's a great effort for making this song. read the FAQ. interesting.

the Malaysian Artistes For Unity did a great job. well, at least now we know there ARE people out there who cared for Malaysian, not only for their own race, but Malaysian.

we are all the same race after all. we are Malaysian. =)



both the recording and the video would be given away for free. a gift to the nation. from those who love Malaysia to those who feel the same.

it's a good song! what are you guys waiting for? download and play the song all day! in the car, at office, at hoe... everywhere you go. it's FREE. and we Malaysian LOVE free stuffs. *winkz*

it was a birthday?

yesterday was my birthday.

it didn't felt like a birthday.

it was a very dull and boring day, just like any other days. i spent the whole afternoon sleeping, cleaning the room and washing all the dirty clothes that's been piled up since God knows when..

Ming brought me out for dinner at Roadhouse Grill with Gary, Joyce and Mun. dinner was ok.

my colleagues actually asked me to go for karaoke last night but then i turned them down. was quite late after dinner so i thought no point going la.. i know... quite "sou hing"cos Vincent texted me and told me everyone was there.. only waiting for me to appear la.. but then.. sorry Vincent.. was too tired for karaoke...


so i'm officially 23 years old now.

i didn't know what to expect, turning 23 is like... nothing.

nothing out of the ordinary happened. nothing changed. nothing extra memorable. well, i think i can see a few wrinkles started to form on the edge of my eyes and mouth.. or was it just an illusion? was it just me? or it was already there ever since?

a year older.

i still don't feel any wiser. or perhaps i DID get a lil wiser unknowingly. but i still felt like a little girl, crying for the same attention i thought i needed, hoping to get love that i thought was not enough, trying to fit in knowing that it was just a courtesy, wishing for the simplest miracle to happen. i still felt like a little girl.. too easy to trust. too easy to give in. too easy to be satisfied. still a lil naive.

giving this much does not mean that you'll get that much in return. sometimes, you wouldn't get anything at all.. but you'll still give this much. why? perhaps you thought there might be still a lil hope there.

this is what always happen to me. hoping to much when too much is never there.

*********************************************************

oh.. btw, no cake and candle blowing this year... does that mean that i'm still 22? 22 sounds nicer.. younger.. :P

i should start spending on facial products!

thank you.

was it a plan to have me?

or was it just because you had me, so you kept me?

i've always thought that i'm not as important to you.

i've always thought that i'm only a responsiblity to you.

i've always thought that i didn't get enough love from you.

i've always thought that you abandoned me.

i thought you weren't giving much attention to me.

it wasn't until you're away.

i realised that i'm not only your responsibility, i was your love too.

i realised that you loved me from the very first day you hold me.

you didn't show your love that much because you knew i was strong.

you knew i was understanding.

you knew that i'm not the one who need the most attention.

you knew i will get back on my feet even if i fall hard.

you made me stronger without me realising.

you made me learn to forgive and forget. to be cheerful.

it wasn't until you're away, i realised how important i am to you.

it wasn't until you're away, i realised how much you sacrificed and lose.

it wasn't until you're away, i knew you loved me equally.

you always wanted to give the best.

you always believed in me.

you were always there to guide me through hard times, even though we'd always argue and disagree with each other's way.

you were always ready to give out all of you, though most of the time i didn't realise it.

thank you for having me. thank you for keeping me around. thank you for all the hardship you went through for me. thank you for all the things that you provided me.

thank you mommy.

thank you for everything.

happy birthday to us.

=)

Greetings from Bangkok!

we arrived Bangkok yesterday around 5.15pm local time. we took AirAsia flight. uughhh... i tell you.. the flight is damn tiring! the chair is stiff, can't turn it down.. just. that 2 hours of flight is not a pleasant one lah.. well, it's Air Asia.. what more can i say? pay peanuts, get monkeys... right?

we went to Pratunam market last night to have dinner. not bad lah the thing there. no mood to shop last night cos we're all very tired from the flight! so we went back the hotel room and rest.

i shared room with Fatty.. he went out and came back around midnight and never buy food for me!! somemore wanna say the porridge very nice! i'm too lazy to go out already so i decided to just sleep ler.

wokey.. i gotta go n ow. the hotel only provide us with 30 minutes of free internet access per day. heh.. i'll write when i come back!

Worse Mother's Day..

going off to Bangkok on Monday!! weeeeewooooooohooooohikhik..

anyway... Eva had a fever yesterday. i hope she'll be alright after seeing the doctor.. i miss her!! hmm.

Mother's Day was a disaster!!!

tiu!

so i planned to call mommy around 8a.m on Sunday (NY time), cos she normally will be taking the bus or train to work, so have time to talk la. i didn't send any sms though cos wanna call her ma..

then around 7.30pm (KL time), i got an sms from her...

"very good... now i know... well... this is d best gift? so disappointed n sad... well... well... well..."

that's exactly what she wrote in the sms.

i'm like.. "wth?"

why she send this kinda sms? then i quickly call her... mahai! she hang up after 2 rings... i call again, thought maybe she press wrong button lah.. but she hang up again! then i tried calling, off her phone pulak.

then i called shorty, she told me she got the SAME text also.

cis!! our mother suddenly got emo pulak..

shorty also thought of calling her at 8a.m cos don't want to disturb her from sleep.

and plus, we bought her gifts, but tak sempat send out cos there's some issue with the courier person..

plus, lately Shorty, me and Fatty(my brother), been asking her to sponsor this and that, so i think there must be a reason the got upset la.. cos it looked like we don't care. but actually we did! i looked for a nice gift for her (sexy lingerie/nightie) and Shorty also bought nightie.. cos summer is coming and we thought she'll like it.

anyway.. after all that saga, we went to have dinner on Monday with gramma. every year we'll have mother's day dinner with her on behalf of mom la.. since she's not around to celebrate with gramma, we as her daughter, must eat on her behalf. =P

i told gramma what happened the day before and she told me that mom is angry la.. cos we didn't do anything on mom's day. then we used gramma's phone to call mom. (gramma's idea) she called back and Shorty asked her why she's emo, "oh.. now you know how to hang up on us lah?? you know we're worry sick when you didn't answer and can't get through or not? cis!".. she said, "last time 3 of you will race, who is the first person to sms me.. "

we're like.. -_-! then we assure her that we already planned to call at 8a.m cos we know that time is the best time.

i told mom that i follow her time. and it's mom's day ma.. normally will wish in the morning when wake up, right? unless it's birthday, 3 of us will race to be the first to sms her (cos last time no money, sms lor.. now got money mei call lor)

i told her that i follow her time, she said "i'm not Caucasian, why follow their time? of course follow malaysia time lah. mother's day is on sunday ma.. 12a.m is sunday already ma. not 8a.m"

-_-!

zha dou!

then i told her, "must follow your time ma... cos you see.. if birthday follow our time 12am, you will be older by half a day! hikhikhik!"

the point is.. she say follow our time means follow our time..

ok lor.. next time we follow our time lor..

i very zha dou lor.. cos of this small thing, she dun answer phone.. cannot d... must do something to make her happy. her birthday is in June... one more month to go.. must do something d... lemme go Bangkok first.. then i think!

TruDtox Vs Clenx

it's been a few weeks i drink detox tea.

first, it was TruDtox. i only tried it for 5 days. cos it's kinda expensive.. RM 28 or 29 something for a packet of 5 sachets. it tastes just like normal green tea.. just a bit stronger. well, previously, i did wrote about the tea, stating that it didn't make me go toilet as often as i thought it would be.

well, because i already have a habit of going to toilet every morning after breakfast, i didn't really feel the difference. but thinking back, it DID made some difference.

i still go to toilet in the morning, but i realised that after i drank it in the evening, my stomach gets very uncomfortable in the MIDDLE of the night. usually it'll be around 3 or 4 a.m. for 3 days in a row, i woke up feeling very painful. like you HAVE to go toilet and let it out. but when i went, nothing happened. only that i farted few times. =P but then i realised that the shit is very watery compared to the normal ones. and it's very smelly. in that 5 days of drinking it, 4 days in a row besides going in the morning, visiting toilet after dinner is a must too. and all that came out of me is water. yes... i didn't shit out shit. i shit out water and fart. day 3 or 4 of drinking this, the fart and shit got less smell. almost no smell. i think it should be working la.. cos when Dad did his detox last year, he told me that the first few time he go toilet, it's damn smelly cos of the toxic. after few days it's become normal or less smell. oh, and he told me the shit is supposed to be black... (why mine is not black one? does it means that i don't have toxic?)

ok, that's about the toilet part.. about body, i do feel less bloated in the stomach. feels flatter than usual. (maybe it's due to after menstrual) but then it works a little bit if not a lot.

after finishing TruDtox, i tried Clenx Tea . another type of detox tea from NH Detoxlim. it's definitely cheaper than TruDtox. RM 28.80 for a packet of 20 sachets of teabags.

after finishing TruDtox, i waited 2 days after only i started drinking Clenx. the taste of this tea is not as nice as TruDtox. is has more herbs smell and taste.. don't really like it cos it tastes weird. but then still acceptable lah..

this tea made my stomach uncomfortable like TruDtox too. but not at night... normally right after i gulped my first glass of water in the morning. which is quite rare for me la.. cos normally, have to eat first before going to shit.

this tea make me go toilet at least twice a day. morning and after lunch or dinner. the shit is better than TruDtox ones la.. at least i know something came out instead of and fart. and not only it flush out the shit, it also regulate the pee.

a bit troublesome lah i think.. cos have to walk to toilet so many times in a day.. but then it's a good thin la... shows that my kidney is functioning. the shit... also very smelly..

stomach still the same.. but then after the tea, i feel that i'm not bloated easily anymore. =)

i think both of the tea is the same for me. maybe i should try TruDtox one more time for 2 weeks.. see got any obvious difference with Clenx or not since i drank Clenx more.

i think everyone should try detoxing once in a while.. well, at least now i don't have to sit (or in my case, squat) in the toilet for hours trying to flush things out.

Fishing My Way To Made Of Honor

Nuffnang is giving away 40 invites for Nuffnanger (30 of it are for Glitterati members!) to an 8 course dinner at JW Marriott KL. it'll feature some wedding themed performances and the movie premiere of Made Of Honour after the dinner.

to get the invites, all we need to do is play a fishing game by Hong Leong bank, print screen your score and post it in your blog...

since i never won ANY contests that i've joined, i'm gonna try my luck today.


here's my screenshot.

*UPDATED!!!!* kuang kuang kuang!

very bad score.. i tried so many times and this is the best that i've got. and it's my first attempt! after the first attempt, i tried like... 5 or 6 times and the scores are lower than this! grrr!! and my colleagues are like.. "what's that sound??" cos when you pull the fish out, it'll make some water sound.. :P

you guys can try to play too.. can release some stress as well.. =)


hopefully Ah Girl will bless me in heaven and let me win the invites!

Goodbye.

so as i thought Ah Girl will get to heal and die naturally, i was wrong..

yesterday, Smelly's mom woke me up at 9 in the morning.. (damn sleepy and tired) asked me for the vet's number.. she said Ah Girl's pee still have blood. and she can't even make herself stand up.



so we HAD to call the doctor.



half an hour later, the doc called me and said his driver is on leave. (i was damn happy to hear that!)



but then Smelly's dad said we can drive to the clinic.






so we drove Ah Girl to the clinic.

while waiting for his dad, i watched Ah Girl..

she was struggling to get up. a few times.. but she can't seem to do it.

she didn't make any noise.

she struggled few times and she still can't get up. so she remained in her position. lying on the newpaper that we spread for her so that her blood didn't stained the floor.

so Smelly's dad put her in a paper box.

she still remained silent. Alfie barked when we put her in the box. i wonder if Alfie was just jealous cos he touched her or if he's wondering why we put her in the box.

so we drove to the clinic and asked the nurse to put her to sleep. she asked me to sign a paper.. i didn't read it. i know what's in the content anyway. i'm officially a murderer.

the nurse asked if we wanted to wait for the doctor to inject her. she asked if we wanted to see the process.

and she added, "she looked fine. still very nice."

i think she's lying.

Ah Girl is in a terrible condition and her fur is not fully groomed. cos Smelly's mom just cut whatever tangle she saw. she looked very scary. like patches all over her body. a bit hair here and there. (will upload photo later). she looked very old. she can't even stand.

and she remained silent.

she didn't make any noise when we're driving to the clinic. unlike Alfie, he hates going into the car. he hates going to the clinic. he will make noise. he will wail. he will kick. he will become very nervous.

we decided not to see the whole process cos surely enough, i will cry in the clinic. i will definitely change my mind. though i know i can't change Smelly's parent's mind.

so we left her there.

i didn't even give her a last pat and say "Goodbye Ah Girl, we love you".

i didn't do that cos i know i can't do it. i said that to her in Saturday tho.. at home when i thought i'm not gonna see her anymore.. i cried. i don't want it to happen in the clinic.

i prefer to believe that the doctor didn't inject her. i prefer to believe that the doctor took our money and heal her instead of putting her to sleep. i prefer to believe that the doctor kept her alive as long as she can.

maybe the doctor didn't inject her, right?

maybe the doctor will feed her and clean her and heal her?

maybe Ah Girl went to a better place now.

maybe.. just maybe.