Goodbye.

so as i thought Ah Girl will get to heal and die naturally, i was wrong..

yesterday, Smelly's mom woke me up at 9 in the morning.. (damn sleepy and tired) asked me for the vet's number.. she said Ah Girl's pee still have blood. and she can't even make herself stand up.



so we HAD to call the doctor.



half an hour later, the doc called me and said his driver is on leave. (i was damn happy to hear that!)



but then Smelly's dad said we can drive to the clinic.






so we drove Ah Girl to the clinic.

while waiting for his dad, i watched Ah Girl..

she was struggling to get up. a few times.. but she can't seem to do it.

she didn't make any noise.

she struggled few times and she still can't get up. so she remained in her position. lying on the newpaper that we spread for her so that her blood didn't stained the floor.

so Smelly's dad put her in a paper box.

she still remained silent. Alfie barked when we put her in the box. i wonder if Alfie was just jealous cos he touched her or if he's wondering why we put her in the box.

so we drove to the clinic and asked the nurse to put her to sleep. she asked me to sign a paper.. i didn't read it. i know what's in the content anyway. i'm officially a murderer.

the nurse asked if we wanted to wait for the doctor to inject her. she asked if we wanted to see the process.

and she added, "she looked fine. still very nice."

i think she's lying.

Ah Girl is in a terrible condition and her fur is not fully groomed. cos Smelly's mom just cut whatever tangle she saw. she looked very scary. like patches all over her body. a bit hair here and there. (will upload photo later). she looked very old. she can't even stand.

and she remained silent.

she didn't make any noise when we're driving to the clinic. unlike Alfie, he hates going into the car. he hates going to the clinic. he will make noise. he will wail. he will kick. he will become very nervous.

we decided not to see the whole process cos surely enough, i will cry in the clinic. i will definitely change my mind. though i know i can't change Smelly's parent's mind.

so we left her there.

i didn't even give her a last pat and say "Goodbye Ah Girl, we love you".

i didn't do that cos i know i can't do it. i said that to her in Saturday tho.. at home when i thought i'm not gonna see her anymore.. i cried. i don't want it to happen in the clinic.

i prefer to believe that the doctor didn't inject her. i prefer to believe that the doctor took our money and heal her instead of putting her to sleep. i prefer to believe that the doctor kept her alive as long as she can.

maybe the doctor didn't inject her, right?

maybe the doctor will feed her and clean her and heal her?

maybe Ah Girl went to a better place now.

maybe.. just maybe.