Messed EQ

I don’t know.. but it really irks me when people tend to contradict themselves. I am, sometimes, contradicting myself too, but then at least I listen to other suggestions and see what are the next best steps to take. But no.. certain people just like to complain to you and when you give a few possibly great suggestions, they SURELY have negative things to say about it and in the end, whatever suggestions you made are just a bunch of rubbish that got thrown outside the window without being considered at all.


Wtf right? Ergh.

And then, there are those people who reject whatever ideas you have whenever possible cos they think your ideas are rubbish and their ideas are the best. Or, even worse, whatever decisions you made are deemed stupid to them and they just gotta stab you right in your heart by saying negative things. Sigh. Sometimes, telling people things/stories/problems/etc, doesn’t mean that I want your agreement. I just want your moral support. If you don’t have anything nice to say, just don’t make me feel bad by adding salt to my wounds lah right? At least wait until my mood gets better before you start telling me how great your life is and how terrible my situation was.

Aih.. I don’t know lah..

Anyway, I gotta start thinking for myself. It gets really tiring for being the tough one and in the end, I neglect myself. Over the weekend, I kinda broke down. It just came to a point where everything seems not right. EVERYTHING. And it’s really scary at one point.

Sometimes, it’s sad knowing that even the person who sleeps next to me for 5 years might not really know what’s in my mind. Am I giving the wrong impression all this while or it’s just how he sees things? I’m afraid of a lot of things, yes. I do like to dream about a lot of possibilities that could happen to me, yet I’m not showing any good initiative that I’m up for the challenge. Deep down inside, I’m just scared. At one point, I just felt that I couldn’t hold on to it anymore. Everything suddenly turned pitch black and there I was… lost and scared. And in case anyone wondered, no, I’m not talking about relationship problems. I’m talking about my problems.

But everything has a solution. Most powerful solution is tears. Shed some of it and immediately, you’ll see a light *tink*. Then everything seems to be a little clearer. Of course, with some rational advice from your partner who thinks that you went nuts a few minutes ago and with some pinching on your cheeks which leads you back to reality. And then, suddenly, you’ll feel that the person who sleeps next to you for 5 years now, actually might just be the best person you should turn to even though he might appeared to be an asshole for not showing that he cared. Suddenly, he turned out to be the person who kinda understands you the most.

I guess this monthly bleeding thingy really messed up my EQ this time around.

Pfft.