Don't Judge Me.

I had a wonderful but sad dream last night. It seems so real. Everything seems perfect.

It was in impromptu trip. I remember clearly in that after I touched down on New York airport, the first thing I did was to text my boss and say “I had an emergency. I’ll be in New York for a few days.” The exact words I typed out. I was panic cos it was a working day and I didn’t remember applying leave. Wtf.

I dreamed that I hopped on the plane, without planning, with dad. We went there to surprise mom. When they met, they hugged. They kissed. Just like teenagers in love. So sweet. So loving.

I remember calling his mom, telling her that I’m in town for a visit and I’ll drop by soon.

I remember trying to call him. But somehow, things were blurry every time I tried calling. So I text him.  “I’m in New York. =)”

Then, the alarm went off. (why does this always have to happen?)

Everything seems so real that it doesn’t feel like a dream at all. It doesn’t occur to me that it was just a dream. Until I woke up. Until reality hits me.

What I dreamed was just the opposite of my reality.

There’s no impromptu trip, especially to New York. I can never afford to have one. Not yet.

There’s no loving mom and dad. They were history. But I’d like to see them happy again. Regardless of who they spend the rest of their lives with. Who knows, maybe miracle will happen?

I felt like a traitor after I woke up.

Tockie was right. It’s about time.

I have to learn how to be cold-hearted.

“I’m actually very angry!!!”

“No you’re not. You’re just disappointed. *smirk*” (I swear I can feel you smirk even if it’s over the phone ok!)

“I’m serious! I am very very angry!”

“I know you won’t…”

*defeated* “Sigh. That’s why you take me for granted. You knew I wouldn’t do that to you, right? Next time, I’ll stress the word ‘REALLY REALLY REALLY going to STOP calling you’”

“Yeah, next time stress the words like you really mean it. Cos when you do that, I’ll know I still have one month grace period to make it up to you before you really take action.”

-_-   “Can’t you just pretend that I will? Ugh.”

I hate it.

I hate that you know me too well.