more thoughts..

ok.. finally there's time for me to write something here.. was quite busy lately so i kept the past entry short.. anyway.. there lotsa things that i wanna write down.. just don't know where to start.. guess i'll just write anything that crossed my mind..

well.. talked to azuree few weeks back.. and she taught me lots bout handling relationships.. tho i didn't really follow 100% what she said.. but then, i take it as a guidance for future reference.. most of the things that she told me was kinda true though i personally didn't really agree at first..

hmm.. like i said, life's not bored.. yet not so colorful.. but i'm fitting in.. trying hard to fit in since harvey went to NY.. at first, i thought i won't fit in.. i thought i won't get used to it.. i thought i can't live without him.. but as time passes by.. it's not as hard as i thought.. sure enough, there are times where i got really emotional and really feel like seeing him and talk to him, but i couldn't get him... i feel sad.. and disappointed at the same time.. at those moments, i thought, "what's the difference of being single if the situation is like this??" but then again... i chose to start this relationship despite knowing that he's going to fly. and when i thought of the reason we started it, all my senses came flying back to me.. i told myself once again, "you knew it's gonna be like this.. just fit yourself in and things will work out as time goes by.." and now.. i don't dwell on it so much anymore.. at the end of the day, whatever the outcome is, i have nothing to lose.. it's either we'll be together after few years or we'll go on with our seperate lives after few months.. as long as i do whatever is right, and whatever i thought is good for myself, i know, harvey will not stop me.

thinking bout harvey makes me sad sometimes... and sometimes, i don't know whether to be angry at him or to understand the situation... sigh~ and talking bout him now makes me miss him more..

i don't know myself so much anymore lately.. felt strange yet familiar..

i told myself not to care so much anymore.. but everytime i said that, without realising, i'm actually caring more.. sigh~

i'm so disappointed... in a lot of things... friends, boyfriend... myself.. surprisingly, i found myself loving my sister more lately.. and i miss her.. and mommy too...

i guess i better stop writing before i start crapping non stop..


[music on air]
judge jules cd.

[current mood]
better than bad.

[next station]
layan emo.