the conversation.

i went for a drink with jennhoel just now. talked a lot. no, crap a lot. his stupid jokes and mean thoughts. at this one point, we both remained silent for a while. i looked at the corner of the shop and started thinking bout some stuff. then he asked me, "what are you staring at la??" i grinned and say, "nothing la.. just looking around..".. so we talked a while and another silence came. i stared at another corner and i heard him saying, "just let it go. don't force yourself anymore. how long you still want to wait for him?" at that moment, i was shocked. i replied with a smile, "are you psychic? how come you know EXACTLY what i'm thinking now?". he just smiled. i was actually thinking bout harvey. our relationship. i was thinking about how is he doing now. have he received the stuffs that i sent him? etc.. i didn't even tell jennhoel bout my relationship's status. i didn't even tell him what i've been thinking lately. then he said, "i know you for how long? by just looking at you, i know exactly what's in your mind. you can't lie." and it's true. he knows whenever i'm in a dilemma even though i tried hard to hide it. then i told him, "yea, you know what i'm thinking, but you don't know how i feel. and i know how you feel whenever you're down, but i don't know what's in your mind." i grinned. like i know it all. "i'll wait until the day comes." and he said, "what do you know about him? what if he's already got a girl there?" i just smiled, "i'll be very happy if he tells me that he already got a girl. but i know he doesn't have one there. his girl is me." he replied, "how sure are you? you're wasting your time." still holding on my believe, i replied, "i know that we'll be very happy one day." and he said, "yea.. both of you will be very happy. it's just the matter of who you guys are with at that time." i just replied, "i know that we're gonna be very happy. and i hope that we'll be happy together, not with someone else." and jennhoel, still not giving up, said, "yea. you said HOPE only. you're not even sure about it." then i told him that everything will work out. i'm sure that we're gonna be very happy together in the future. this is only a trial for us. to see if our love is true or not. and i changed the topic.

jennhoel has been telling me to go on with my life and forget harvey. well, he's not the first person who told me that. a lot of people told me that long distance doesn't work. and they had been asking me to give up and move on. and that i'm wasting my time. but seriously, they are wrong. it's just the way we look at it. and even before i met harvey, i have always believed in long distance relationship. it's challenging. and for me, we'll know how true our partner is while we're apart for some time. and i have faith in harvey. despite the consistency of no replies from him, i know that he have me somewhere in his heart. and perhaps that's just the way he is. i used to think negatively back then. but now, i accepted it. the fact that he is like that.


i love harvey. nothing and nobody can stop me from doing that.