the depression.

i went for a movie with wei leng and swee sum. watched 'the longest yard'. it was nice. well.. at least it's not a sad movie..

been quite depressed lately. i don't know how to let it out. i began to wonder if i'm really depressed. i wonder what is depression. what is sadness? and what is happiness? what am i feeling lately...? i have no idea. i felt strange. all i want to do is cry myself out.. but that is the thing that i couldn't do. i can't even drop a single tear.

i remember what my lecturer back in Stamford told me when i talked to him last two years. i was trying to surpress myself from crying when i talked to him. but at towards the end of our conversation, i cried.. yet, i was holding back my tears.. i don't want to look weak in front of others. then he told me, "denise, you don't even know how to cry in a proper way." that's exactly what he said to me. and i thought, "i AM crying now.. how can he said i don't know how to cry?" and i'm still wondering why he said that to me.

serious fuck, i really feel like crying myself out and go to sleep and wake up to be a happier person the next day.


[music on air]
qi li xiang by jay zhou.

[current mood]
not good.

[quote of the day]
you'll learn how to live when you've learned how to die.