the story.

i woke up feeling ugly+fat+stupid+angry+crazy today. and yesterday.

let me start with yesterday.

okay, normally, i will wake up at 7a.m and switch on the monitor to see if harvey's online. that's a routine. everyday. without fail, i will turn it on at 7a.m and turn the speaker volume to the highest so that when i go back to sleep, i'll know if he goes online. but everyday without fail, he did not go online and i will go back to sleep like usual. i was thinking about him the day before yesterday though. and yesterday, i woke up at 7a.m like usual. but i thought, since that i didn't see him online lately, i assumed that he's not online and went back to sleep without bothering to go to the pc. so, i finally woke up at 9.30a.m and switch on the monitor. and guess what? yes. i think you guys guessed it right. i saw his messages in yahoo messenger. offline text. and it says there, "harveybaby has signed out at 9.24a.m". GREAT huh? there goes a day, missing him more.


so, i was sitting at this chinese shop for a hot drink. it's been raining since morning so i decided to hang around there. i was sitting there alone, watching the rain. around half an hour after that, there's this bunch of guys came. i think there's around 8-10 of them. one of them were pulling chairs from other tables for the rest of his friends. i looked up. and i saw a familiar face. i walked nearer to him and stood in front of him. i just kept my eyes on his. he stopped what he's doing and looked at me. words can't come out of my mouth at all as i was too shocked to see him there. he just stood there and look at me. after a while, i began to feel angry. angry because he didn't seem to care. angry because he didn't tell me that he's there. after a few seconds of staring, i angrily took my bag and walked off. i walked in the rain. and i never felt so sad walking in the rain. my anger covered my eyes at that moment. i couldn't think of anything else to do but to leave that place. to be away from him. but deep down inside, i really wanted to give him a big hug and tell him how i feel. how happy i was seeing him there. after walking a few yards, i looked back. he's not there. he didn't stop me from walking away. i looked up and i saw the water dropped like crystal falling from the sky. i closed my eyes to feel the rain drops. when i opened my eyes, i realised that it was only a dream. but i felt tears in my eyes.

and that person i saw in that dream, it was harvey.

it seems so real. the feeling still lingers until now. and i swear i can feel the raindrops.

seriously, if he ever comes back without telling me beforehand and meet other people before me, i'm gonna kill him. i'm sure i'm gonna kill him.

haha.

part of me wished that it was true. at least i got a chance to see him and get mad. at least i can stare at him without saying a word. at least he's right in front of me.


i looked in the mirror this morning and i feel so fat. my face is like... bloated. and today was my bad hair day. and also, my pc didn't run yesterday. lagged like shit. and i thought i have to get it fixed one more time.. but i tried my luck just now and it runs normally. (well, after a few times of banging the casing and pulling off and pushing in those cables..)

this week is just not my week.

but not so bad though. i went to the flea market at mont kiara with my college friends yesterday. i bought a butterfly choker. black colored. something like crystal and it has tiny diamond-like stones on the body. going to shoe-hunt next week. *winkz* but i'm broke like shit. haha!


[music on air]
the middle by jimmy eat world.

[current mood]
moody.

[quote of the day]
believe in yourself in order to make others believe in ourself.

[next station]
watch tv.