Is This What I Really Want?

Lately, I don’t dream about weird dreams so often anymore.
I can’t say that I’m more focused lately but I think I’m feeling more stable. As in emotionally (hopefully financially will come next though).

I went yumcha with a college friend, who’s getting married end of this year btw, last week and we talked about quite a lot of things. Like work and personal life. After we went home, he texted me something and got me thinking for a while.

I’m not sure whatever he sees in me (after 3 years we didn’t talk cos he’s oversea) or the way he sees me now is still the same like what I was when we used to hang out together last time. Somehow, I disagree to one of the two things he mentioned, which, I’ve replied him with my reasons and another one, I’m not sure myself whether to agree or disagree so I just ignored it.

I think it’s time for me to really sit down and ponder upon that issue. Not that I’m avoiding it completely before this. Not that I’ve never thought about it before this. I knew about the existence for a while now. It’s just that I don’t really have the courage to give a deep thought to it. I don’t have the guts to think about the next step if the issue is going to affect me forever.

Perhaps I had chosen to live in denial when it comes to this issue.

I don’t know.

I hope this will not haunt me forever. I guess this is a part of growing up old.