Shifting Priorities

Two more Fridays before the New Year begins. Scary how time flies. As usual, everything seemed so blurry. Everything happened so fast, like nothing happens before. Another year passed without a sense of achievement. I know by saying that, it shows how weak I am. How little confidence I have. How suck I am in juggling priorities. How lazy. How naïve. Very immature in some ways.


Perhaps what they say is true. When you reach certain age, your priorities shift. What was important might mean nothing now. What was precious might be useless. What deemed insignificant might be the key to success. What seems materialistic became realistic. It became necessity. It became priority. It became the battery of life.

Every year around this time, I will reflect at the past. I think of all the things that happened and did not. The things that I encountered and missed. People that I met and friends that I’ve lost. Experiences that I gained, judgments and decisions that I’ve made, wrong or right. Tears that I’ve shed, happy or sad. Words that came out, thoughtful or hurtful. Screams that were made, angry or excited.

I realized that I learn something new every day. About things that are significant or petty… people around me, people that I love, and people that I loathe… about myself, my emotions, my priorities…

It almost always end up with me being so confused and frustrated at one point, and then the so called problems /issues suddenly don’t seems to be a problem/issue at all… it’s like magic… but I believe it’s just PMS… pfft.

Lately, I’ve concluded that my brain stop progressing. It’s stagnant. I felt wasted… I don’t know… maybe it’s the people around me. By people, I really do actually mean colleagues. I felt that everybody is so comfortable of their (old) way of doing things and their level of acceptance towards new ideas/ ways is super low, or rather selective. By everybody, I do actually mean bosses… So I believe no matter how much effort I invest in whatever I do, the result is never like what I imagined. I felt stupid and limited, yet I cannot do anything about it because it’s just the way they are. But if I don’t do anything about it, I’m afraid that they will think that I’m stupid. Damn conflict. I’m just afraid that I’ll slowly morph into what they are.

Sigh.