Being Stubborn.

How to move forward if you keep repeating the same mistakes? Doing the same thing over and over again..

How do you forgive and not forget?

Perhaps it's true that being persistent and being stubborn is a thin line.

And I happened to have fallen in the latter category.

Perhaps it's true that I'm being stubborn. Too stubborn to admit a mistake I've made. Too stubborn to admit I was wrong. Too stubborn to acknowledge it.

All these things happened to myself, I am the main culprit. The one who is slowly killing. Slowly slicing off little by little. And when the time comes, when there's nothing else to slice, what will happen?

There's nothing left.

What will I become?

A monster.

Cold blooded killer

Loop.

Another year filled with ups and downs.

I often wonder.. When will it end? When will this cycle stop looping?

It keeps coming back to haunt me every now and then. What did I do? Or perhaps, should I ask, what is it that I didn't do or did wrong?

The feeling of uncertainty is constantly hammering my heart.

I'm tired. Exhausted. To a point where it doesn't seem to matter anymore.

The fear of unknown is so overwhelming. How do I stop myself from fearing? How do I start? Where shall I start?

I'm constantly putting myself in a position where I couldn't bring myself back to where it begin. Nothing is going to be back to square one. Who am I kidding? Damage is done and will be done no matter what. What is stopping me from moving forward? How do I move forward without hurting? How strong will I be? How strong am I to begin with?

They always say, time will tell. Yes, told and brutally smack my face with a reality that I refuse to accept.

Do die, don't do also die. Why must it be this way?

Sigh.

Appreciating Life...

I kinda stopped updating this blog for very long time.

Looking back, I used to document my life here quite often. I kinda missed it though. 

I was too busy living a life that I enjoyed so much for the past 2-3 years. As I grow older, I realized that some moments are best kept private and in memory. However, I still feel that I should update more often... My memory not enough RAM... haha! I read back older entries and some of it I REALLY have no idea what I was talking about. Yeah... Some post are too cryptic that I don't even remember what it was.. Some post I read back... I suddenly felt "Wow! Was I THAT happening?" haha! 

I grew older and things gets a bit boring and mundane... Just the usual work and home on repeat cycle.

Last year was exciting... I finally managed to visit Japan. It's the country that I've always wanted to go since forever. Japan and New York. So I'm planning for Japan again this year. and probably New York in year end cos sis just got her visa! (yeay!)

Anyway, for the sake of refreshing my own memory next time... I'm gonna post some photos here from last September through December... 

one of the many dinner nights..

Tang Shifu's charcoal bun or something..

while waiting for meeting at Merc office..

my all-time favorite food to cook! the original carbonara..

portobello mushrooms... yumssss...

cheekyboy

one of the sleepovers...

tried couscous salad... mm... still trying to like this recipe...

someone so shy speaking in Mandarin

one of the bonding weekends having our usual sushi...

super sedap keropok lekor at cherating.. i miss this so much..

selfie with sis at Eva's graduation concert..

spot Eva!

ahhh... so big girl already... another 15 years or so will be her Diploma grad.. then Degree and Masters...maybe PhD! haha!

last minute training for Japan trip...

treat after our "training"

last training before Japan.....

fresh out from groomer!

"what?? I can't hear you..."

super bomb takoyaki in Osaka! I miss this very very mich!

and this combini's onigiri.........

and this sandwich!! OMG their sandwiches in combini are the most delicious EVER!

on our way from Osaka to Kyoto... we rode long the Yodo River for the scenery

we met a super nice Uncle riding along the river and he insisted to show us the way to our Kyoto Hostel... and that's like over 30-40km distance! right after he sent us, he have to ride alone back.. which will take about 2 hours.. we had dinner and he doesn't let us treat him! such a nice person! he's 65 years old and he's physically fitter than me! During the trip, we met many nice people there. We we concluded that all Japanese people are nice! haha.. 

another bomb.... Okonomiyaki in Kyoto.

Japanese fruits are very expensive but it's totally worth it! It's the biggest grapes I've ever tried and so sweet and yummy!

random octopus we found in the wet market. 

sunrise in Lake Biwa

a rainy day from Lake Biwa back to Kyoto

cute dog in raincoat.

the little one's first tooth that fell off!

Eva with her great-grandma!

of of the many lunches....

random dinner...

Well... that's all about my last quarter of 2014... I'm looking forward to our Japan trip this year... We're gonna make it a yearly thing... cycling and touring the city.