memories with the crack family.

i miss The Crack Family. a LOT!! i missed the first berbuka puasa with them on saturday... sobz...! next week.. they promised next week..........

when i come to think of it, though i never really hang out with The Crack Family a lot, i've learned many things through our various conversations while we're trippin'..

i still remember the first time i went to my sister's place after party. haha..! it was awesome! at first, everything i saw were sooooooooo nice.. the lights, the colors, the feeling, the atmosphere. PERFECT. well... almost perfect. then, i think about one hour after that, i went to the balcony for a cigarette. fazral and man were there too. so, we're like.. talking and laughing.. all of a sudden, i felt a pang in my heart... then i told them, "eh, takut la..."... i was sitting in the middle that time, but they were facing me. fazral on my right, man on my left. then fazral said, "eh.. eh... eh... jangan takut... berdiri.. berdiri.." so i did as he said... i stood up, then i squat down... i did that a few times and i felt better. and then.. we started talking and teasing each other.. i still remember our conversation...

denise : eh.. you know... actually, i miss my sister a lot...
man : ye ke? hmm..
fazral : it's ok la.. she's busy..
denise : i know la.. that's why i didn't kacau her always.
fazral : next time, we go back to your place and hang. ok?
denise : i actually miss hanging with her a lot.. but when i see her, i pretend that i didn't miss her.. ego i guess.. (started to get emotional)
fazral : hehe... you still remember how long we know each other?
denise : of course la!! almost 5 years!! the day we sent mommy to the airport. (paused for a moment... thinking bout mommy)
fazral : yup!! dah lama kan?? *grins*
denise : yeah.. mommy... i missed her a lot too... you know.. that night was the first time i hugged her as a teenager.. (getting MORE emotional..)
fazral : nah.. it's okay.. nanti bila dia balik, you can hug her and tell her that you love her la..
denise : hmm... yeah... (paused for few seconds).. yeah.. and harvey.. i also miss him a lot... you know.. i didn't send him to the airport... (getting more and MORE emo...)
fazral : oh.. ye ke?? why ah?
man : because you don't want to see him leave?
denise : yalor!!! but actually i really wanted to send him.. i miss him...
fazral : it's ok la.. nanti bila you holiday, go find him..
denise : (kept quite...)

after few seconds.. i felt tears strolling down my cheeks...

man : eh denise.. kenapa diam?? (looking at me..)

after a while...

man : eh!! denise... (looking closer...and took off my shades.. ) alamak! eh.. denise.. jangan nangis... jangan nangis...

fazral : takmau nangis..takmau nangis...

both of their hands rubbed off my tears on each side of my cheeks at once..

denise : i don't want to cry.. but i don't know why tears came falling down.. i rememebred harvey told me not to cry. or when i do, i can only cry for ten minutes..

man + fazral : ok.. ok...

then debb came out... gave me a hug and promised me that she'll come home often.. that we'll hang out more too... she asked me why i cry..

denise : fazral la... (put all the blame on fazral..) he talk bout u, then i thought of mommy, then harvey... ish!! jahat la.. (hahahahahah!!!)

i remember crying myself out that night.. after a while...

man : eh denise... ten minutes already... cannot cry...
denise : oh is it?? okay!!! (smiled HAPPILY as if nothing happens and went to the pc station to kacau korkor...)

hahaha!!!!! THAT was my first time hanging out with them.. hehe...

another event that i can never forget... PD rave.. the best rave so far. i can still feel the happiness lingering inside me whenever i look at the photos or think about that night. great.. seriously, no words can describe how happy everybody was...

i remembered what korkor always tell me.. "be rational, not emotional.."

they were there when i needed someone to talk to.. and they're always there even though i know they're not listening when we're all tripping.. but they're always there to make me think less about my thoughts and made me feel good bout myself.

i'm gonna miss them a lot since that i can't hang out so often anymore.. since that i've promised harvey that i'm gonna stop doing what i've doing for the past two months..


i'll miss hanging out with them. The Crack Family.


[music on air]
Imitation Of Life by R.E.M.

[current mood]
better than bad.

[quote of the day]
sometimes, you just have to be truthful.

[next station]
dream?

The Thought.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

i just watched 'Tuesdays With Morrie'. it made me think about many issues of my life. it certainly changes the way i think. a very nice movie indeed.

i'm going through the turning point of my teenage life. lotsa things that i'm not so certain of. but i certainly know and realised that i've done things which i'm not so proud of. but whatever it is, i'm glad that i still have harvey's love and trust.

i'm disappointed knowing that i won't be able to give harvey the thing that i've been thinking of giving him as a birthday present. i think i'll just postpone it to Christmas. haha!! i'm sure he don't mind. ekekeke....


[music on air]
Les Trésors Du Ciel by The Hypercubes.

[curent mood]
good.

[quote of the day]
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; But NEVER forget the blessings that comes each day.

[next station]
sleep.

The Sarcasm.

another amazing fact that i've discovered this morning..

girls can be VERY sarcastic whenever she wants to. (note: WHENEVER)

yes. girls. beware of their sarcasm whenever you're with one.

so, i was having trouble to sleep last night. i guess it must be the 3 hours afternoon nap i took. so i decided to watch dvd. "Himalaya Singh". i laughed my ass off all the way.. alone.. aih.. at that moment, i thought of harvey.. he used to be around at night, watching tv together, leaving only when he sent me to bed. i miss that..

i dreamt of him last night though... we had a GREAT time... a VERY good one.. haha.. (if you know what i mean..) ekekekeke.... >:)

i seriously miss my yummy sugar doughnut blueberry danish chicken pie chocolate muffin.


[music on air]
almost here.

[current mood]
good.

[quote of the day]
it's just words.

[next station]
meeting!

The Meaning.

too many things happened in just a week. and i've learned another lesson of my life...

i've always thought that i'm matured enough to think the way i am. i've always thought that i'm the right one. but when i really come to think of it, i'm not always right. i'm not as matured as people thought.

things happens and it happens for a reason. and i know the reason now.

i'm really blessed to have harvey, a person who can understand me and accept me for what i was, am and going to be. i'm wrong to think that he's selfish all this while. i'm the selfish one. not him.

i'm thankful to have a best friend who can really make me crack my head and think rationally without being emotional by just a few words of criticism from him.

greatful to have a bunch of crackheads surrounding me and trying to comfort me when i'm having a bad time. *grins*

i realised that i can't live without my family, harvey and my best friends.


i wonder what is a promise? is it just a word to make other people feel happy and secured? or is it something that can keep us going? i wonder why people make promises that they can't keep.. well, i made a promise too. a promise to harvey, jennhoel and myself.. a promise that i'm trying to keep. not so hard yet not easy to do.. haha! it's funny. how the two of them made me think. how much their words meant to me. how they made me a better person.

i can't wait to see harvey on semester break.. hehehe... just hope that everything will go on smoothly.. can't wait to see mommy too... muahxxx!!!


[music on air]
breathing by lifehouse.

[current mood]
happy.

[quote of the day]
life if full of irony.

[next station]
shower and sleep!!

the memories.

where have those days gone?
when we used to stop by the playground,
sitting on the swings, talking and laughing,
lying on the bench without a word,
staring at each other without a thought?

those days...
when we sit in the car,
listening to the radio,
holding each other's hand,
gazing the moon, which seems so near...

those days...
when we used to drive around town at night,
riding on the highway with tons of street lights,
trying to count the stars up the sky,
going to places that we never went,
wondering what our conversation meant.

those days...
when we have each other's shoulder,
when we don't mind lending our ears,
when we don't feel ugly if we shed a tear,
when we don't feel shy letting out our fears.

those days...
even a lil whisper of care meant a lot,
even a weak smile felt so warm,
when a simple gesture of hug was familiarity,
when a gentle kiss on the forehead was a sign of appreciation.

those days...
when we're there for each other,
sharing our ups and downs,
when we're growing separately without growing apart..

those were the days that i miss most..
days that i will never forget,
memories that will stay in my heart always,
memories that nothing can replace.

Thoughts.

Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most.

i don't understand why people just HAVE to think negatively. being so pessimistic. it really amazed me.. the way they can think of something which is totally the opposite way.. which is totally different from the reasons behind everything.. and it's annoying, knowing that they got all emotional and started thinking nonsense when all they need to do is to understand the situation by reasoning out with their right state of mind.

i don't fucking understand why certain people can be so fucking sensitive over another person, who's not in a right state of mind and taking everything they said and done so personal. what the fuck ballz? it's totally unfair and it's fucking childish to get all emotional over whatever fuck a person said or done while they're drunk or tripping. they should and they CAN think better than a crack-head. what really surprised me is that they don't fucking use their brains to think properly even though they are the sane ones.. what the hell is their problem man..?? seriously, it's fucking AMAZING how they think and response to certain situations.

i don't fucking understand ballz..


[music on air]
breathing by lifehouse.

[current mood]
clueless.

[quote of the day]
ANGELS EXIST but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call them FRIENDS.

[next station]
knit.

friends.

so i actually made it to jerome's birthday party.. (Happy Birthday dude!!) but i didn't know that it will turn out to be a disaster.. well, not exactly a disaster, but it just didn't turn out the way that i wanted.. but i'm glad that jenn hoel is there for me. once more.

and i hurted jerome's feeling without realising.. well.. i was just saying what exactly on my mind that time.. which is.. "i ONLY trust jenn hoel.." honestly, he's the only one whom i trusted among everybody else present yesterday night. ok.. i was a lil tipsy.. a lil emo.. and i cried.. i finally told jenn that i actually missed him a lot.. it's been few months since we talked. i told him that he don't seem to care anymore.. but i was wrong. i know he still care for me.. and i know why he don't want to talk to me for the past months.. because i did something that he doesn't like me doing. because i did something that everybody was against me doing.. well, almost everybody..

and i accidently injured myself last night. i didn't even know what happened.. i didn't even know how it happened.. i only realised that my hand was bleeding heavily.. blood all over my wrist.. (no, i did not cut my wrist.. it's the joint..) they said that i fell and cut myself with those broken glasses on the floor.. some said i broke the glass myself.. i have no idea which one is the truth.. fucking painful this morning.. another lesson to learn.. NEVER get drunk and try to walk fast. -_-:

not so happy lately.. i wonder where is everybody when i needed someone to listen to my silence.

i felt like talking to harvey now. but i couldn't call him... i don't know how to get him..



[music on air]
some chinese song.

[current mood]
depressed.

[quote of the day]
be strong. everything will be fine soon.

[next station]
talk and smoke with michelle.

The Rain.

it's funny how fast feelings changes. how serious a person can think.

i met Lisa, a friend back in Stamford's foundation. she's working there as a receptionist now. studying part time at Systematic. it's been a while since we see each other. so we had lunch together and talked bout our recent life. without knowing, i learned something new from the conversation today.

it rained the other day... and it reminds me of how much i miss the rain.. it's been a while since i sat down at one corner and watch the raindrops. i've always liked the rain.. i've always liked watching the rain and walking in it..

i kept wondering how certain things would turn out if certain things were to be done in a different way. how a person would feel if different words were to be used in a same situation. how strong a word can be in different situation.

i wonder why people tend to say things when they don't mean it. do things when they don't want to. make promises when they know they can't keep.



[music on air]
hed kandi's.

[current mood]
down.

[quote of the day]
win yourself before thinking of winning others.

[next station]
sleep.

the wedding..

the photos.

the bride. 

the hooi siblings and the newlyweds. 

on the way.. 

smiles~ 

she's my mommy's younger sister.. hehe.. 

that's my mommy's daddy..