Should I?

Today is just like the many Fridays that I was looking forward to. Weekend is always exciting tho I know my Saturdays routine would be staying at home and go to Japanese class and spend the whole Sundays at home surfing, lazing or just lepaking at some café with the usual faces, updating each other about things that happened around us.


But today will also be a Friday that I’d say, significant to me.

It’s a day where I got to know that my dad is going through a depression. I’m not sure how serious it is in actual fact, but from what I see, it’s quite serious.

To be honest, I’ve prepared myself for this day, confirming that he is depressed. Because these few years was a tough one. A lot of things happened and I kinda know that he will be going through a nervous breakdown any time.

Now, even though I’m prepared for it, I still feel terrible. In a lot of ways.

For a second, I couldn’t find the answer to all the questions in my head. I couldn’t comprehend what just happened and why this is happening to him. To me. To us.

For a second, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know that to say to make him feel better. I don’t know how to make him feel optimistic. I don’t know how to make it go away.

I know that this sickness is purely psychological and nobody but himself could cure it. What we/people around him can do is to support him morally. But even so, we can’t make the things in his head go away in a split second no matter how desperately we want it to.

Depression is not an uncommon sickness. It is in everybody’s mind. It’s the way that person handles it.

I guess, dad finally lose it. He chose to let it take over his mind.

For a moment, I felt so afraid. So many uncertainties floated in my head.

It’s a feeling that I never had before. I almost don’t know what to do. Not that I know what to do now, but all I know is, I need to stay strong. For him.

I know this sounds silly, but a thought crossed my mind few days ago, before we confirmed that he’s depressed, I thought of turning into a vegetarian. Yes. You heard me right. I don’t know why but all I thought was, “if it will make things right, why not?” perhaps it’ll help? Maybe I can try pledging to become a vegetarian for a hundred days? See if it helps?

Shrug.

I don’t know.

Should I?