Being Stubborn.

How to move forward if you keep repeating the same mistakes? Doing the same thing over and over again..

How do you forgive and not forget?

Perhaps it's true that being persistent and being stubborn is a thin line.

And I happened to have fallen in the latter category.

Perhaps it's true that I'm being stubborn. Too stubborn to admit a mistake I've made. Too stubborn to admit I was wrong. Too stubborn to acknowledge it.

All these things happened to myself, I am the main culprit. The one who is slowly killing. Slowly slicing off little by little. And when the time comes, when there's nothing else to slice, what will happen?

There's nothing left.

What will I become?

A monster.

Cold blooded killer

Which One?

in a dilemma again. can't decide between this two babies...

 Olympus PEN E-PL2

Retails at RM2,499

or this one...

Olympus XZ-1

Retails at Rm1,799

one is micro four third and one is compact. both kinda similar in some ways.

i personally prefers E-PL2, with interchangeable lens option, more function to play around with, and obviously better quality photos compared to the XZ-1. But then again, the XZ-1 size is perfect for me.

how how?

p/s - please don't ask me choose S90, GF1 or any DSLR. i want opinion on this 2 option only ah..

Should I?

Today is just like the many Fridays that I was looking forward to. Weekend is always exciting tho I know my Saturdays routine would be staying at home and go to Japanese class and spend the whole Sundays at home surfing, lazing or just lepaking at some café with the usual faces, updating each other about things that happened around us.


But today will also be a Friday that I’d say, significant to me.

It’s a day where I got to know that my dad is going through a depression. I’m not sure how serious it is in actual fact, but from what I see, it’s quite serious.

To be honest, I’ve prepared myself for this day, confirming that he is depressed. Because these few years was a tough one. A lot of things happened and I kinda know that he will be going through a nervous breakdown any time.

Now, even though I’m prepared for it, I still feel terrible. In a lot of ways.

For a second, I couldn’t find the answer to all the questions in my head. I couldn’t comprehend what just happened and why this is happening to him. To me. To us.

For a second, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know that to say to make him feel better. I don’t know how to make him feel optimistic. I don’t know how to make it go away.

I know that this sickness is purely psychological and nobody but himself could cure it. What we/people around him can do is to support him morally. But even so, we can’t make the things in his head go away in a split second no matter how desperately we want it to.

Depression is not an uncommon sickness. It is in everybody’s mind. It’s the way that person handles it.

I guess, dad finally lose it. He chose to let it take over his mind.

For a moment, I felt so afraid. So many uncertainties floated in my head.

It’s a feeling that I never had before. I almost don’t know what to do. Not that I know what to do now, but all I know is, I need to stay strong. For him.

I know this sounds silly, but a thought crossed my mind few days ago, before we confirmed that he’s depressed, I thought of turning into a vegetarian. Yes. You heard me right. I don’t know why but all I thought was, “if it will make things right, why not?” perhaps it’ll help? Maybe I can try pledging to become a vegetarian for a hundred days? See if it helps?

Shrug.

I don’t know.

Should I?

Blazer Hunting Begins NOW!

ok.. so i've been looking for a blazer since i started working in a new office. i need it for my formal events.. you know.. cos i need to look presentable?

and i'm looking for something less formal... not like the old school blazer that you can find in G2000..

after hunting it online.. there are a few that i like and i guess i know what style i want!!! btw, i went to Topshop 2 months ago and saw one, but didn't get it cos it was like RM350 and i cannot justify the worthiness. -_- in other words, i'm stingy and cheapo. i rather spend on shoes and bags rather than clothes. but lately i think i need to start investing on nicer clothes cos i'm like 25 already. cannot wear jeans and baby-t all the time already! i need a whole new wardrobe man..

back to the blazers... i found some really nice-looking ones.. 

it really changed the whole look with a blazer. so simple. so smart. not too formal. i totally love this look!! it's so so so simple that i think anyone can pull it off! *mental note: diet starts NOW. so that i can get that skinny legs!!!*

this one too.. love the contrast lining on the sleeves. ah.. another similar look! so simple that you can pair it with a skinny pants and loose shirt inside and turn it into a smart casual outfit! *need to get a similar shoe!!!!!*

i like the cutting. but i'll stick to black. i guess by now, you can notice what i like about blazers huh? another similar cutting.

no need to explain anymore. hahah!

in conclusion, i'm loving how you can just roll the sleeves up or just get one with a contrast inner lining to create that look! ♥

gonna go hunt for it this weekend! can't wait!!!

so long..

so today will be my last day in Kurnia.

quite a very jinxed day cos my stomach is full of gas since 11pm last night. i couldn't do anything but to bear with the pain that come and go the WHOLE FREAKING NIGHT! so the pain started from the upper abdomen and by the time i finally woke up for work, the pain moved to the lower abdomen.

pff!

i hope it will move all out soon cos it's annoying to have the pain but no shit come out!! grrr!

another jinxed moment is that the stupid coffee machine decided to DIE ON ME when i wanted to make the LAST cup of coffee for my boss before he went outstation this morning! (i managed to make him Nescafe though... only drank 2 sips and he rushed off!)

sobz!

even last few days, there are few series of unfortunate events happened.. maybe i'm meant to stay!

whatever.

note to self : dy, don't be silly.. you've made a decision and there's no right or wrong decisions.. there's only good or bad! don't.. don't.. dont even think about it you evil brain!

ok.

off to lunch!