I Love Myself

I have a lot in my mind that I wanted to share here. Yet words just don’t come out easily anymore nowadays.

So many things happening at one time and it’s drowning me.

I kept holding on to it, hoping that miracle would happen.

Hoping things would turn out differently.

Hoping things will change.

But in the midst of hoping, I realized that I’ve not done anything to make it happen.

Perhaps it’s time to grow up.

Time to change myself and face the reality.

Time to admit it.

I deserve better than this.

A lot more than this.

Which One?

in a dilemma again. can't decide between this two babies...

 Olympus PEN E-PL2

Retails at RM2,499

or this one...

Olympus XZ-1

Retails at Rm1,799

one is micro four third and one is compact. both kinda similar in some ways.

i personally prefers E-PL2, with interchangeable lens option, more function to play around with, and obviously better quality photos compared to the XZ-1. But then again, the XZ-1 size is perfect for me.

how how?

p/s - please don't ask me choose S90, GF1 or any DSLR. i want opinion on this 2 option only ah..

options.

I realized that I’ll be 25 in about 2 months time. It seems like quarter life crisis starts early last year and dragged on until now, not showing any signs of retreat. One issue after another. Sigh.

So many things happened lately that I don’t have time to stop and think for myself. Have been busy thinking and dealing about family stuff and it’s really tiring and resulting my face covered with tiny red spots/pimples. So not fun. So after a few weeks of family meetings, yelling, crying (not me), reasoning, banging the wall (not me again. I’m steady, wtf!) and whatever bullshit that we all (family) have to endure, I can safely say that we’ve come into a conclusion and possibly the best solution to our problems. I’m glad that the planning part is already kinda final. Now we’re waiting for the execution part, which involves a lot of commitment for me and Shorty. Heck, I’m not so confident that I can safely go through it.  Sigh. At times like this, I wish wake up blanketed with endless supplies of money. Sigh. There goes my vacation fund.

With all the problems going on and after scrutinizing on my personal expenses budget, which is barely enough to survive, I’m really tempted to look for other options. Better options of course. Sigh.  Yet another dilemma.  There’s an option that will, kinda, totally change my life and I’m not sure if I’m prepared to face the consequences and the change itself. But it seems exciting and probably one of the best option that’s available for me right now. So I’m keeping my mouth shut and fingers crossed before anything concrete is confirmed.

Well, I guess it’s now or never. Mom always tells me, “Work hard while you’re still young. Don’t wait until you’re old like me only start saving for retirement.” Sad but true.

I hope I’m able to support my parents when they’re retired.

PerspireX and Holiday Plans

So I tried PerspireX for a week now. I applied it 4 days in a row and stopped for 3 days now. And I think it’s too soon to tell whether it works or not but honestly, the next day of each application, my hands got really dry. So I think can consider it works la.. but then.. cos it’s too dry, I’m not used to it and had to apply lotion and like always, after I applied lotion on my hands, it’ll start sweating again. -_- but it’s okay.. next time I’ll try to refrain from applying lotion, see whether it works to stop the sweating or not. Oh, btw, I think I kinda know why my hands sweats so much… maybe it has something to do with my heartbeat…(Remember it’s always above 100bpm? ) I think it’s logic la.. Heartbeat fast = sweat. Right? When you exercise, your heartbeat faster that’s why you sweat.. right? Hmm… besides using PerspireX, I think I must go see doctor and take Chinese meds to “alter” my internal organs a bit.

 

 

OMG!!! Have I written anything about Gem Island? Yes yes.. Gem Island or Pulau Gemia. It’s located at Marang, Terengganu (near Kuantan). It’s actually a private island. Ming’s aunty worked there as a resort manager and his parents and sister went there for holiday last year and they said it was very nice place. I think few months ago, his aunt showed me some photos of weddings held there and seriously, it instantly became my dream wedding location! *hint hint*though the photos they put in the website is not so good quality, but imagine it taken with a good camera and by a professional. *imagine* and best part is, it’s VERY affordable lor.. (oi Smelly, start saving NOW!)

Ming’s parents said that the water there is super clear and can really see the fishes clearly, unlike PD or Penang. Wtf.. ok.. it’s better than Perhentian actually. I really wanna go there lo… who wanna go? Lets! Hmm.. always discuss with Uncle Mun and end up he will splash cold water again and say, “why not we go somewhere further? Like Phuket or Bali? Almost same price mah.. Since have to sit plane, might as well go far a bit…” a bit wtf one.. when I say go short trip, within Malaysia, he ask me to suggest, then cos Langkawi and Redang is very sien jor and Gem Island is like, we talked about it since forever, so it makes sense to suggest this place right? But he wanna go somewhere that can fly over cos he like to sit plane. -_- wtf. So I think I better plan myself and go myself cos always kena splash cold water so I better go sun tan a bit to neutralise it. I really wanna go there ASAP lo.. end of January, maybe? If not, have to wait til March or April. So long!!! Erm.. Ann, let’s go together gether.. just the two of us! Want? *big shiny eyes*

reality bites.

i have so many things to write and bitch about. but i guess i'm over the "bitching" phase.

i'm quite amazed at myself sometimes. 

at my life.

nothing pretty my surprises me anymore at this very moment. i think i'll just take whatever it is given to me. 

i've learnt how to swallow it.

even if it's a chicken bone, i'll just swallow it.

happily. 

any donor?

can someone show me the way?

i'm very lost.

all this time, i've been searching and striving and searching... for something that i'm not sure of. something that is not there.

Sam (my very good ex boss) is right. i don't know what i'm searching for. 

now, i need to know what i'm looking for. i need time. a lot of it. but i'm afraid that i don't have the strength. 

okay.

i know i can do this. i can face this. yes. i can. 

but when?

Farewell With A Heavy Heart.

I finally went in and see my boss.

I told him that I wanted to resign and he persuaded me to stay.

I nearly cried. I was kinda holding back those tears.

Of course, I also nearly thought of dropping the idea of resigning after what he told me. Some encouraging words of wisdom. But I didn’t succumb to that idea cos I know it’s not what I wanted. Though I know this is a very comfortable place to work in, a place where I can learn many things but at the end of the day, it’s not what I’m looking forward to. Like he said, “you already have the right attitude, just that you don’t have the passion. All you need is to put in a lil bit of effort and passion into what you’re doing. It’s not about job. It’s about the passion. You HAVE to like what you’re doing..”

I told him I don’t think I can be a good secretary. I don’t think I can do it.

“You cannot think that way. How do you know you can’t do it? Don’t look down on yourself… you have to think that you can… you have to have positive thinking…”

“I think this is not what I wanted and it’s not what I’m good at…”

So I told him that I’ve made up my mind and he also agreed that if my heart is not here, it’s difficult to do things. Totally agree.

I’m gonna miss having a nice boss like him!

brainless conversation.

me: ok
so my 2-balls are gutless

vincent: hahah
u where got balls one
u got hai only

me: i got 2 tits ma.. round also
can consider as balls

vincent: tiu
cha lan tou

me: hahaha

vincent: yalorr
then u also made up decision liao

me: ya.. but i dunno how to tell my boss ma

vincent: u go in
and tell la u have something u wanna tell him
then tell lo
this one u can honest say
not like u need to cock

me: haih... why is it so hard to resign this time...
the last time all also very easy one

vincent: coz the ppl are kind mah
last time u sudah dulan one
but this time is not really dulan mah

me: yawor.. come to think of it.. last time all boss also nothing to shout about.
nothing for me to stay

vincent: yalorr

me: but this time.. boss so good until i dunno how to break his heart
hahah

vincent: so u see, ur boss also good
so is like u wanna break up with ur bf, but ur bf did ntg wrong
lolz

me: mahai
must use this example meh
i terasa one u know
HAHAHAHA

vincent: HAHAHAHAHAHAH
i pura bodoh lo
but is gd example mah

me: cb

no guts.

Life is funny. Definitely unpredictable.

When you’re in a position where you need to make decisions and you’ve finally made up your mind, somehow, something tells you that “hey.. maybe there’s another better way of doing it… maybe what you have decided is not so much of a help… maybe that’s not the best way of getting out of the system…”

Ugh. I don’t know.

They say, “you only see the person’s good things when he/she is gone”. I think I’m in this situation. Only that… nobody is dead. *choi!!* (no.. I’m not referring to relationship either..)

One thing about me is that I’m very impulsive BUT indecisive.

I hope that my subconscious isn’t telling me to chicken out.