After A Long Hiatus.

It's been a while since I last posted anything here.

Too caught up with stuffs... mostly work and just living my life undocumented.

Reading back old posts and looking at past years photos got me jealous of my old self. "Was I THAT happening last time?" LOL. I used to be so active, going everywhere, doing random stuffs and I had so much energy. Now, I just prefer sitting at home doing nothing. Yes. Nothing. Well, except for occasionally bringing out my niece and nephew for lunch with grandma and aunts, my life for the past year was just working and staying in. Nothing much interesting happened. It's kind of like a soul-searching year for me. I'll try to document more here, as I find that my memory keeps failing me so it's good that I do it more, haha! I read back some of the posts here and I can't even remember certain things happened. LOL.

Well, work is hectic but still bearable. It's so flexible that I can work from anywhere during prep and non-event days. I mostly work at home and I told myself that I'm taking this as an opportunity to rest before I'm back on my foot again. It's good. After so many years of working in strict-and-full-of-office-politics environments, I got tired and it got me thinking, so what if I made a lot of money but I'm not enjoying it? I'm not happy and I'm stressed most of the time and all we (colleagues) do was to bitch about things that we actually can make changes to if we made our effort and have a little courage to change ourselves. So I made the decision that makes most sense to me. I quit and took the leap of faith. Not knowing what will happen, not knowing if I can ever find any suitable job or if anyone would want to hire me. And until today, I still thank God that I found it. I chose the least favorite option that most people would. In return, I have a lot of freedom in terms of work schedule, working style and most importantly being trusted. I'm not earning a lot more than before, but I gain more in terms of personal development and experience. Many friends were shocked when I told them I took a 60% pay cut. I don't mind it. Seriously, at that point of time, all I wanted/needed was good rest and pull myself out of the bad system. I'm glad that I did. I'm so much happier now.

One year passed and it feels like just yesterday. They said happy times passed quickly. Indeed.

So to everyone (anyone?) that are still coming back here to read my updates, thank you. I wish everyone to just take your time, do the things that you love most. Don't be afraid of changes. After all, God has planned for us in His way.

I LOVE Peaches!

Peach Melba without raspberry sauce. replaced with a few drops of maple syrup. 

SO SO SO addictive.

Perfect Weekend

28th.

I wonder what does it take to really complete a task. To finish what we started. To accomplish a goal set by ourselves.

I realized that I’ve been abandoning many projects. Many goals. Many dreams.

Some stopped half way. Some stopped a quarter. Some even stopped before executing it. Pfft.

Then I realized what my problems are…

Procrastination. No motivation. No determination. Laziness.

All of that… stopped me from accomplishing my goals, my dreams.

It got me nowhere. It just stopped me from growing.

It’s bad enough that I have all that bad traits. But it’s even worse that when I knew what my weaknesses are and NOT doing anything about it.

Sigh.

*pray* Please give me more strength to complete something. Anything. Really…

I Love You, Mommy!

 So it was Mother's Day yesterday. Woke up extra early to call mommy..

It's been so many years we had to celebrate via video call. sigh.

Will work hard to achieve my goal to visit NY. *pray*

 

Bliss...

Are you living your dream?

For me, I don’t think I am. Not yet. Not even sure if it’s near.

I envy those who are courageous enough to take the big giant step of their lives, chasing their dreams, fulfilling their goals in life, living the way they want, enjoying every moment of the path they chosen.

That big giant step is a leap that not everyone dares to take. At least to me, it isn’t easy.

Many times, I looked back and wondered… “What if…”s

What if I never do this? What if I never do that? What if I did that? What will happen if…. And the questions went on and on…

Most of the time, I’d end up accepting the answers by convincing myself that everything is better now than whatever it was. I’d give myself an answer that I wanted to hear.

But the truth is… am I really accepting it?

Am I living the life that I intended to? Am I enjoying it? How do I achieve what I dreamed of? Am I dreaming too big? Or am I just being a coward?

Why didn’t I have enough of that courage to take the path not taken? What stopped me? Why I worried so much back then? Why is it getting more difficult now than before? Is it because of aging? Maturity? The older I get, the less courageous I am? Or perhaps the older I get, the more rational I am?

Rational? What is rationality? How does someone justify that whatever I’m doing is rational or not?

In the end, the basic rule of living, to me, is… just to be happy.

But what is happiness?

Being contented? Having great friends? Making lots of money? Being loved?

What is it?

I envy those who love their lives. Enjoying them like there’s no tomorrow.

How do they do that? Are they not worried at all? How do they find balance?

I believe that He has a plan for me. But the thing is… what is IT?

I Love Jackfruit!

 

"whatcha lookin' at Alfie?"

I LOVE Suki-ya!

I'll never get tired of this...

I Miss...

 

 

 

 

 

I Love Stars!

spot the star :)

I Love Fisheye!

Bought a super budget camera for Daddy's birthday. Testing out one of the filters... Quality and functions are quite impressive! I think it's perfect for him! Don't you think?

(minor contrast edited)

that little bits of hope.

saw a tiny little glimpse of the light unexpectedly.

just a tiny one.

enough to make me feel secured and happy.

but then, it vanished.

again.

it went all dark again.

waiting.

just waiting for it to come again.

when?

Trust

This whole month was a month of trusting.

Trusting God.

I believe that I’m being put into a test of faith.

There are a few occasions where I’m being “tested”.

Of course, there are still doubts.

“Are You real?”

“Do You really hear me?”

“Are You punishing me?”

“Are You just testing my faith?”

“If You really heard me, then why everything seems to be falling apart?”

“Are You scheming something?”

Is it true that we have to go through real hardship before we can be sure of what is the best for us? I’ve learnt. I will be good. Am I not good enough so You’re giving me obstacles?

Have I asked too much that you think it’s nonsense?

Too much that you gave me a lil glass of smoothie but at the same time put in some rocks in it?

I don’t know.

I feel helpless. I can’t do anything but just talk to You. But really… do You really hear me?

I LOVE Sunrise....!