I Love You, Mommy!

 So it was Mother's Day yesterday. Woke up extra early to call mommy..

It's been so many years we had to celebrate via video call. sigh.

Will work hard to achieve my goal to visit NY. *pray*

 

Bliss...

Fifthnniversary.

A delayed fifthnniversary thoughts.


Without realizing, five years passed. When I started going out with Smelly, I’ve never thought that we’ll last this long. Considering my age when I met him and especially my personality, it’s amazing how we can preserve this relationship to where we are now.

Things progressed rather smoothly, despite his usual discontentment about my body size and almost out-of-control credit card debts, and my never-ending annoyance with his obsession with gaming and lack of sensitivity towards my feelings. I guess that’s how things are supposed to work.

I used to think that we’re not a normal couple. But after listening to so many relationship stories from friends, I felt blessed and grateful for what I have. One can never be too greedy and keep wishing for the impossible, yet cannot be too contented with what we have. So I guess everything needs balance.

Happy Anniversary!

i meant to post this up on 1st January, but got lazy and procrastinate instead.

Happy 4 years, SmellyBie!

it's a record for me to stay in a relationship for so long. i've never thought that i'd be able to keep it for such a long time.

to many people around us, they might think that it's an easy one for us. but actually, it's really not what most people around us sees it. well at least, it's not easy for me. i dare not say that i'm very certain of this relationship. i dare not hope for anything right now at this very moment because as cliche as i might sound, nothing is certain. not until the day we die.

at times, i felt so weak that i thought of giving up this relationship just because i can't see what's in it for me. and sometimes, i thought i know what's on your mind, but i realised that i don't. maybe i'm just afraid. but i know i'm not being fair thinking that way. love shouldn't be weighed and judged the way i did sometimes.

don't worry. i think it's just another emo phase.

you still brighten up my days.

you still make me smile for no reasons.

you're still the one who keep me grounded.

love you lots!

tumblring more now.

at times, i wished Smelly has all the characteristics that Edward Cullen has.

damn romantic lor.


*cloud nine*

How Relationship Lasts VI

Recently in Penang, i saw many people parasailing... so i thought of trying out also...

Dy: Bie.. I wanna ride that tomorrow ok??

Smelly: huh? Er…

Dy: I want.. can ah? Can ah? Can ah? Can la… I wanna try!! But a bit scared lah.. so high!! *worried but still wanna try*

Smelly: no need la.. it won’t go up one =P

Dy:   -_-  *dark

Wtf right? Cis!!

How Relationship Lasts V

Gf and bf started wrestling. Obviously gf losing cos her hands and legs are not long enough to counter attack. So she pretend to stop fighting back and the bf let go her hands. Once her hands are free, she smack his arms damn hard and they started wrestling again and the bf counter attack by pinching super fucking hard on her thigh! *cibai punya bf* then she screamed and hide and cover herself on the pillows and started crying *damn pain you know*. Thinking that her bf will manja her back.. she heard…

“bie….”

*ignore*

“bie……”

*ignore*

“bie.. why your pants got hole one??”

*ignore* thinking to herself “wtf.. got hole meh??? Where got” *ignore*

“really la.. got hole!!!”

Gf sit up and check.

“HAHAHAHAHA!!!!”

Cibai! Kena con!

My new love - Eva Xafira Elme.

But i prefer calling her Chinese name, Choi Yi. 

My baby niece is growing up.. her facial features changed bit by bit now.. she looks more like Shorty to me.. her curly hair is so nice.. so cute! every time i see her, i feel happy. and i'm glad that even though we don't see each other often, she still remembers me. hehe. she's 20 months-old now. *cubitz* but she don't really like the idea of talking. i guess it's because we speak to her in Malay, Mandarin, Cantonese, English and sometimes Hakka. wtf.. confused. but she's getting better at it now. she like to say "No!"(imitate the mother. lol) and she knows a lot of words.. like car, key, zerd (lizard), ney (Barney), didi (daddy)... and of course.. yiyi (aunty, which is ME!)

 Shotry brought her to Genting.. dunno when cos i stole these photos. she likes to put her tongue out like that. i think because the tooth is growing.

cute Minie romper. 

and one of her signature expression.

see? so "express". <3

i requested to babysit her this weekend. can't wait!!

Ideal Guy

I’m sure every girl has an Ideal Guy in their mind. But somehow, we’re living in reality, so mostly likely, we’ll settle for the Closest-To-Our-Ideal guy. Just like my case, Smelly is not exactly ideal, but somewhat ideal. Let me share why I say so and tell how/what is MY Ideal Guy (in no particular order). [note why I say “somewhat” in the brackets / or maybe it’s just some excuses for me to say he’s ideal cos I’m living in denial. Wtf.]

A guy who reads. Because I like reading and I like to have someone to share my thoughts and views on books that I read. Unfortunately, Smelly doesn’t read. So we can’t really share thoughts on books that I like and he doesn’t know why I like it. (though he doesn’t read books, he reads a lot of articles about cars on the internet. Still counts as READ right?).

A romantic guy (which girl doesn’t like??). I’m not talking about extreme romantics here (like renting out the whole hotel’s swimming pool area just for dinner for two) cos I still prefers practical. I’m talking about simple romantic thoughts or gestures like star gazing or cuddling? Another trait that Smelly doesn’t have. He falls on Totally Very Practical category, so don’t expect any candlelight dinner or a bouquet of flowers from him. (although he’s practical, he still surprise me with some offhanded sweet-nothings once is a blue moon. Which is very rare. But at least he unknowingly made me feel romantic at that moment. Wtf.)

A guy who can hang out with MY friends. Because I want my close friends to know him and vice versa. Just like how I’d always tag along when he’s out with his friends (now became my friends too). Smelly is totally NOT interested to hang out with ANY of my friends if he has a choice. Which is why until now, even my best friends never really met him. (But this, I can understand, cos generation gap. Wtf. And he tried hanging out with one of my friends that I hang out with very often that time, and he had a very bad experience. At least he tried.)

A guy who cares. About my whereabouts, at least. Smelly definitely don’t ace in this area. He never call to check on me whenever I’m out, even if it’s 4a.m. Most of my friends said it’s good cos their boyfriends calls every 5 minutes to check on them. Of course I don’t like my boyfriend to call every minute, but at least check on me if it’s too late? Isn’t he worried? (but it’s because he trust me and usually, I’ll let him know before I go out so he doesn’t call. Wtf. He trust me ma.. ok next time I don’t let him know.. see he will call or not!)

A sensitive guy. By sensitive, I meant sensitive towards my emotions. Don’t get me started on being sensitive towards my feelings… ugh.. sometimes, I really think that he’s a wood. Wtf. Cos most of the time, he doesn’t know if I’m angry or sad. He thought I’m being funny. Fml. (this one really no comment cos obviously he failed. It’s either he purposely pretend dunno or he really thought I’m being funny!)

A guy who remembers important days. Like anniversaries and birthdays. Because I think these type of special days are important for all girls. It shows how romantic, sensitive and caring a guy is! Well this, so far I cannot say anything for it cos I’ll take initiative to plan something out and he’ll automatically remember. Hahah. Next year must stop planning, see he remembers or not!

So.. we will search for high and low for our ideal partner. But most likely, we’ll end up with someone least expected. But if you look at the person with your heart, they’ll become somewhat ideal to you. At the end of the day, it’s how you accept the person beside you and learn to turn their flaws to perfection. Just like how I accepted Smelly.

Do You Have One Too?

In every relationship, surely there is some special something between 2 people that we can categorise it as “Our *noun*”. For example, Our Song, Our Place, Our Movie, etc., you get the drift. I can safely say that most people who are in a relationship have that “special something”. Or at least it occurs in my case(s).

 

I was trying hard to remember what was my first “Our Song”.. to my surprise, my first “Our Song” does not belong to any of my ex boyfriends… it belongs to me and my best friend. The song was “Ai, Hen Jian Dan” by David Tao. I don’t know how it became “Our Song” and why it was that song. It’s just… Our Song. Now, every time I listen to that song, it’ll remind me of those bittersweet memories that we went through (sorry to disappoint anyone, but we’re really just best friends if you’re wondering now, so no juicy stories okay).

 

With one of my ex, we have “Our Path”. Which is the road that we used to automatically walked every time, when we wandered aimlessly. It’s from KL Plaza towards Low Yat Plaza via BB Plaza sidewalk. We used to end up walking towards that direction unknowingly and walk back to the starting point. Thinking about it now makes me feel like an idiot… no direction, just walk and make a U-turn. Damn waste time. Wtf.

 

With another ex of mine, we have “Our Language”. We used to turn the first letter of a word to “W” in our conversation for example, “I miss you” became “I wiss you” and “I love you” became “I wurve you”, and we would make up some gibberish words that only we would understand and ended up competing who “invented” the most complicated word and we had fun guessing the meaning of those words we created for each other. (sigh… bitter-ing)

 

When most people will have some normal type of “Our *something*”, me and my Smelly have most of “Our *something*” quite differently. For example, Our Song. When most people have romantic Pop, R&B, Soul or Classical songs, Our Song is a Trance song.  A bit wtf right? Lol. Damn un-romantic. But the title is ok la… It’s “Angel Falls” by Ayla. I forgot when or how we declare it Our Song, but I had fun teasing him when I know he used it as his ringtone for my number when we first dated..

 

“Why you use this ringtone for my number geh?”

 

“Dunno.. I like la..”

 

“Oh.. I know… Angel Falls.. like, I Fall, like that la??”

 

Geddit? Geddit?? Ok. Might be lame. But it works every time, to make him feel jah dou. So every time we heard that song, I will say, “Bie!! I Fall!!  *slump on him*” wtf!

 

Our Song is weird enough.. and to add more weirdness (weird to me lah), we have “Our Phrase”. Which is “stupid dum dum”. We’ll call each other “stupid dum dum” whenever there’s a chance. No miss one! I ask you la.. where got people call their girlfriend/boyfriend stupid (and still get away with it) one?? Ish..  

 

There’s still a list of “Our *something*”  but I shall not disclose too much here. Wtf.. later you all say we stupid dum dum.

 

Bleh!

 

What’s your “Our *insert special something*”??

Pre Fourthniversary Thoughts

It’s October again, which marks the 4^th year since the first time we met. For the past two years, around this time, I wrote some thoughts. And I shouldn’t make it an exception this year and the years after. It feels like just yesterday I wrote this and this. How time flies.

January 2010 will be our Fourthniversary. Just like the previous years, I didn’t feel any major changes (yet). They said the 3^rd, 5^th and 7^th year is a very crucial year in a relationship. And most people tend to break up in the 3^rd, 5^th or 7^th year. However, I don’t really believe it cos it hasn’t happen to me (yet). (I guess the reason why most people breaks up within that duration is because:- 3 years is enough to learn what type of person your partner is, try to sort thing out for another 2 years after knowing them inside-out, then to be patient for another 2 years after trying hard to hold on and if it doesn’t work, means it will never work. So why waste another 4 years of playing the patient one when you’re not? and holding on to something that you know is hard to keep? Why waste that precious 4 years when you can use those 4 years to know someone better? Ok, I digress.)

Honestly, these 3 years of being with him are definitely a breeze, compared to most relationships that I’ve heard of (from friends, family and previous experience). No doubt, there are times that we annoy each other, got angry for petty things, sick of each others’ bad habits, bore each other to death, etc. but that’s what makes us stronger, right? All these while, I have to give some credit to him for keeping this relationship so well, he’s been patient enough to layan my childishness. He stayed around to keep me sane. Humorous enough to keep up with my silliness and his hands are always there to wipe away my tears.

Last year, I remember I wasn’t sure how can our relationship be so simple? So many questions. So many doubts. So many worries. So paranoid. But it’s all good now. Cos I believe it’s just a phase.

Ahh.. how I wish I can plan for an anniversary getaway! Hmm… 

ghost of us.

we looked like aliens! lol!

sobz..

Another Insignificant V Day.

So I celebrated Valentine’s Day working at Genting. Smelly and some friends came and booked an apartment at Ria though. I joined them as soon as I finished packing my things. The gala dinner ended around 11pm and by the time I’m done packing, it’s already midnight.

We stayed one night there and the next day, we went for late lunch and hang around before going back home. Oh, we did a video too. LOL! Will upload once I get the link.

V day is just another normal day to us. Well, the most significant V day was the first year we celebrated together, which is year 2006. We went to Bagan Lalang, Morib, for cheap yet superb delicious seafood dinner. And that was the only year that I remembered receiving and giving Valentine’s present. Hehe..

Just a week before V day, I asked Smelly, “What did we do last year? Where did we celebrate our V day last year?” and he replied with a, “Hpmhh!! How can you forget! We went for dinner!”

Hah! I knew it! he forgot about it too! Haha..

“Where we had our dinner?” I asked.

“Got lah…”

“You also forgot, don’t say I didn’t remember lah.. bluek!”

That’s how insignificant our Valentine’s Day. I remembered the year before; we celebrated few days earlier at Ritz Carlton. I was still working with Marriott so the rooms at Ritz are cheap. And the service is best! I can’t remember what we did last year at all. I remembered it falls on Chinese New Year.. But I’m sure we went out for dinner or something, with friends. Yea.. we usually celebrate anything and everything with friends. Valentines Day, Christmas, Birthdays, New Year, Chinese New Year, Public Holidays, etc.

Oh.. I found my 2007 V Day post. LOL!

Note how every year I will say "still no flowers, no chocolates, no other gifts".. and how I will make cards for my other half? hehe.. I guess those card-making, present-hunting, romantic getaway planning, mushy talking days are over for me.

I prefer hassle-free quality time with loved ones now ;)

Third Anniversary.

To my dearest Smelly bB,

Happy third anniversary!

Three years is not a very long duration, but it’s long enough for both of us to understand and know each other thoroughly. It’s certainly long enough for both of us to decide whether we really want to be with each other… if not, I’m sure we won’t hold on until today, huh?

Like every relationship, I’ve definitely learned a lot in this. You watched me said goodbye to my teenage life and lead me through when I stepped into adulthood. You made me realize that it’s important to be selfish sometimes. You made me realized that it’s not about getting how much that we gave, it’s about receiving and enjoying something that other people don’t.

I’m not sure how much I’ve changed your life after we met, but I’m very sure that things are different after you appeared in mine. I hope that my presence brings a lot of joy in your life and I hope that this relationship will be your most wonderful and memorable one. We cannot guarantee what will happen in the future, but I really hope that we both learned something from each other and be a better person for each other.

I wanted to write more, but I guess I'll just save the mushy part.. =)

Muahx! Love you bie!

i'm his JEWEL!

We cuddled on the sofa lovingly and chatted. Which is something that we don’t normally do in front of friends. “Why are we so romantic today?” he asked.

“Don’t know… but it feels nice.” I said.

We’re in our own world. Neglecting friends who are present that night.

“Bie… I love you, you know?” I said in a very baby tone, I feel so pampered with his arms wrapped around me; his fingers playing with my hair, occasionally stroke my face. A treatment I don’t get to enjoy very often.

“Yes, of course I know,” he replied, kissing my forehead gently.

“You love me too?”

“You know…” he paused. “You are my jewel. You are very precious to me,” hugging me tighter.

“Is it?” smiled sheepishly.

He never said that to me before. He’s not that type who sweet talk and say mushy stuff very often. It was one of the very few times hearing those romantic words from him. I’m overjoyed. Though it was nothing, but I’m really happy. Yes, I’m easily satisfied.

It made my day.

The Warmth

i think i'm falling sick.

i can feel terrible sore throat is coming to my direction and very bad headache is looking for a good spot to park behind my skull.

ugh.

luckily tomorrow's Friday. only have to stand one more day before i can have REAL rest.

being back at home this week is not as bad as i've imagined... but it feels very different to wake up on a single bed ALONE. it's been 2 years sleeping in and waking up with Smelly beside me.. it DOES feel weird these few days.. nobody's there to fight for the comforter and the extra pillows.. no snoring sound in the middle of the night... no wrestling and kicking before sleeping.. i think the worse feeling is.. to know that there's no warmth beside me when i'm feeling cold in the middle of the night. i miss the warmth.

pre-thirdniversary thoughts.

Two more months till our thirdniversary.

How time flies.

October 2005 is the first time we met each other.

Our relationship progressed very fast and on New Year 2006, we’re officially dating each other.

I don’t remember if I posted up anything about him previously. Like how we met, how we started, etc..

Actually, I kind of avoid writing about it on purpose.

I noticed that I’ll write every thing in detail about my previous relationships and every time I turn back and read those entries again, I felt like I’m ALWAYS contradicting myself. And every time I re-read those entries, I’ll go “how ironic!!”

So I made a pact to myself that I’ll try to refrain myself from writing too much about Smelly in my blog.

Funny how things turned out.

When I look back what happened within these two years we’ve been together, it’s very funny and surreal.

I never imagined myself to be THIS relationship for so long. The more unserious I want it to be, the more serious this relationship turned out.

I never thought that I’d be able to stand up again and continue walking THE PATH with him so far. The more I wanted to stop walking, the further I walked with him instead.

I always thought that I could be alone. Without him. I always thought that it doesn’t matter if he’s not by my side. I even thought that it’s okay to live without him.

I was wrong.

The more I wanted to be alone, the more I felt that I needed him around.

The more I wanted him to leave me alone for his games/work/whatever, the more I wanted him to be there, even if it means boredom.

The more I wanted to get him out of my life, the more important he became.

We’re just like any other couple.

We hang out with friends a lot, we watch movies some times, we do shopping together, we argue over silly things (like why am I so fat! And how inconsiderable of him, disapproving my already SLIM figure..) Seriously, besides me getting fatter/heavier AND spending without really checking my bank balance, there is really nothing for us to argue about. I used to silently wish that we argued a lot… just to spice things up. But it almost never happens.

If you ask me how my relationship is.. I really can’t answer. I can say it’s boring. But somehow when I say it’s boring, it turns out to be quite out of the norm (at least for me, I felt it’s a bit abnormal la..)

How can a couple never argue? [Too bored to start an argument? Too tired to care?]

How can a guy never get jealous? [Does he really care? or he’s just too confident?]

How can a girl let his guy hang out with whomever without her?

How can a guy never call to check on his girl every time she’s out, even after midnight? [Trust? Or careless?]

How can a couple trust each other so much that they never rarely question each other’s doing/behavior?

How can a couple be SO comfortable with each other that they don’t feel embarrassed anymore even if it means smelly farts or stinky feet?

How can a couple never get angry at each other for more than TEN FIVE minutes?

How can all these be love?

It’s SO BORING!

It’s so….

NOTHING.

Is this even normal?

Is every couple out there facing similar situation like me too?

Or is it just us?

Should I feel happy and glad that I don’t have a naggy/possessive/care-less/abusive/weird/monster boyfriend?

Should I feel blessed that at least we know each other well?

I think I should.

Maybe I should.

But..

Do we REALLY know each other very well? Or is it just because it’s becoming a routine? Is this love? Or is this companionship? Are love and companionship meant to go along with each other? Does this mean companionship is part of love? Maybe it’s just the same thing after all.

Ironically, even when the third year is approaching, I still feel like it’s only yesterday. I felt like there are still a lot of things that I still need to learn about him. Third anniversary only happen once. And how many more anniversaries we’ll be celebrating together?

There are times when I silently think… If one day I woke up knowing that he’s not in this world anymore, what will I do? What will I be? Can I cope? Can I move on? How can he leave first? I cannot say I’m 100% sure that I cannot live without him. But I’m definitely sure that live won’t be the same without his presence.

IF he’s not here anymore, can I find another partner like him? Do I WANT to have another partner like him? Will I be happier without him? Or will my live turn upside down?

What if I’m the one who’s gone? Will he lead a happier life after me? Can he move to the next station safely without me? Will he stay put or board another train to the next destination to forget about me? About us..

These are questions that will surface once in a while. And today is one of those days. I’ll think deep and feel terribly sad about it and after a good sleep, I’ll forget the answers to those mysterious questions.

Am I feeling paranoid? I’m not sure.

Does every girl thinks like me when they’re in a relationship?

Tell me this is normal.

i like la..

I like the way you hold my hand.

I like the way you smile.

I like the way you laugh at my silly statements. “stupid dum dum”

I like the way you imitate my silliness. “ugh… why I’m becoming like you?” you’ll say.

I like the way you touch my hair after shower. “why so dry?” you’ll ask.

I like the way you kiss me goodnight on my forehead. even if I had to remind you every night. “why I have to kiss you first? You cannot kiss me first meh?” you’ll complain.

I like it when you’ll pour a cup of water for me. even if you knew I was just lazy to get up from bed. “tsk… go get yourself lah!” you’ll say while walking to the kitchen.

I like it when you wrestle with me. even when I knew I’ll end up not able to move at all. “HAHA! You’re a caterpillar!!” *wraps comforter over my shoulder with my head sticking out* UGH!!!

I like it when you say “NO!” every time I asked if I could eat something. (I was just teasing you..*tho sometimes I really do feel like eating la..*)


I like to call you “Bie” randomly. For no reason at all and you’ll fall for it every time by answering “hmm?” or “what?”.
I love you.