ark...

hmm...life is tough... hmm... talked to mom yesterday... she nagged for half an hour on the phone... hmm... she's got her point there anyway... but i hate it when she doesn't want to understand me... always jump into her own conclusion... but it's okay... i don't really listen anyway... hehe...

well..i guess i'll have to let go my dream... which is going to New York.... mom said she can't support my fees and she'll probably come back to Malaysia end of this year.. i don't know what to do now... perhaps i should listen to her.. study here work for a while, then go up... hmm... well... maybe she wants me to study here, work here, get married here and die here.... :P i really don't want to stay here anymore... well, you can say that i'm avoiding things.. but that's the best way that can make me forget everything and go on with a new life.. but then again... life IS ironic........ perhaps i should really stay here until i'm really ready to leave...

i just want to find my life... and my love.... silly, huh?? well.. that's denise...




[music on air]
keane - somewhere only we know

[current mood]
normal...

[next station]
class!!!!!

happy!!!!!

well.. it's been almost a month i didn't write this... well... a lot of things happened this month.. i realised so many things that i didn't even noticed before.... i've discover a lot of things... good things, of course.. :)

i've finally let go a precious thing.. i mean.. it used to be precious to me... but it's not anymore.. i broke up with rahime.. and i'm happy bout it... i don't have to suffer anymore.. well, why should i hold on to someone who doesn't trust me? and take me for granted? and doesn't even appreciates me?? i finally understand the fact... i won't be happy if hold on to it... well, maybe my presence DOES bring happiness to other people.. but if i'm not happy when i'm trying hard to please other people, why still doing it, right? i've learnt a lot for the past month.. A LOT! i've learnt the meaning of true love.. i've discover that trust is really the most important thing in a relationship.. i need someone who understands me... someone who really care,not only for me, for my future as well... someone who trusts me... someone who appreciates me... not a person who take me for granted... not someone who treats me like a punch-bag...

when it's time to let go, we've got no choice but to let go.. well, letting go is one way of saying "I LOVE YOU".. heh... now, i'm so sure and certain that i'm ready to let go... they always asked me to look forward and not to hold the past to live... the past might be a sweet memory.. but if it hurts, then i must not let it haunt me... and i'm ready to look forward... to be a better person.. to be a lil wiser... to be more confident..

someone DID changed me... taught me to be more confident.. someone who loves me.. someone who appreciates me... someone who trusts me... someone who have faith in us... someone who's also not around..

i'm a happier person now.. i know what i'm doing is right for me.. i'm ready to grow up... i'm ready to turn 20... *wink*


[music on air]
uhm... something from the cd vey gave me...

[current mood]
la~ la~

[next station]
dreamland!!!

[quote of the day]
no turning back..

a long journey... 

*uh-hum*

life is funny... when i thought everything isn't going the way it should be, there's always something happened to make me realised that actually everything's okay..

i know there are things i did when i shouldn't do it... there are also things that i'm doing when i'm not supposed to do.. well.. it's true that i still can't pull myself together.. i still can't think the way i should be thinking.. something just pulled me back from the reality... i admit that i'm still confused with myself.. i'm not confident.. i've always thought that things aren't getting right for myself.. things aren't getting alright at all... i don't dare to be confident.. i don't even dare to be myself anymore..

perhaps i tried too hard to make other people happy.. and at the end of the day, it started to hurt..someone asked me.. "what's the point of making other people happy when you have to be sad??" well.. my question to myself will always be this.... "what's the point of being happy when everybody's going to be sad??" hmm..

sometimes, things happens without a warning... and i'm learning to face it.. i've always believed that things happens for a reason.. and we'll know the reason after we face the problem, not running away from it..

but there are times that we can't do anything bout what happened.. things just HAPPEN.. it's just the matter of how you would want to deal with it..

well.. there are too many things happened to myself lately that i can barely breath.. too many things happened that i really feel like running away from everything... or maybe stop everything from moving on further...



[music on air]
Vanessa Carlton- A Thousand Miles

[current mood]
"mood-less" *wink*

[phrase of the day]
BE FIRM

[next station]
work... ugh...! -_-: