Reminisce.

Two years ago *click* , I kinda ditched my personal journal and started to write online instead. At first, the blog add was http://bhjorzholicious.blogspot.com (if i remember correctly). Why i use that as my add? I also dunno.. bhjorzho (pronounced as "bozo"), was actually my ex's nickname. I thought it's cute, so I modified the spelling and made it as my blog's address. Two years ago, I write things here mostly to express my feelings. Just to release some tensions. I started writing journal since very young. Most of it was daily happenings/rants/gossips/secrets/feelings/thoughts. Then I got tired of buying thick books to write and carry around, I switched to online blogging. I admit that at the beginning of this blog, those things that I've posted were mainly just to let my then boyfriend to read (I think he's the only reader back then).. Some of the posts were not so true. I remembered writing some of the posts carefully just to keep him happy. After a while, I can't stand it and we broke up. And I continued writing here. Back to writing normal stuffs. Writing with my heart. Like how I write my journal.

I then changed the blog add to http://harveylicous.blogspot.com (I know, it's very lame). because Harvey was the person I thought I'm gonna marry (I know.. Naive..). The title of this blog was "Everything Changes" back then ( I know I know.. lame.. and I took Taylor Hanson's favourite quote as my blog title..) That was two year ago *click*. From that time onwards, life's been great. Tho it was kind of a short term one, but I did enjoy everything that happened between me and Harvey. He made me realised a lot of things in life that I should learn. I learnt a lot of things indirectly from his absence. That was after he migrated to New York on 22 April 2004.

Few months after he went to NY, I again, changed my blog title. Which is the one that I'm using now- :: confessions of a drunken mistress :: That was the time when my life turns around, goes up and down, left and right, flew from earth to Pluto, back and forth.. in and out..

Things gets a lil bitter and sour between me and Harvey seven months after he left Malaysia. He's still the one that I love most but I can't hold on any longer. That time, I finally knew what's the meaning of "When you really love a person, you have to let them go. Give them freedom. Pray for their happiness." That's what I did. I've dwell too much since his absence. I cried almost every night, missing him. The first thing I do when I woke up in the morning is to check if he's online, check my phone to see if I missed his call. I go to sleep every night praying that he could hear my heart. Praying for his happiness. Telling God to give him strength to do his work, give him lotsa happiness, give him good health and repeatedly asked God to remind him not to forget me. Praying that we'll hold on to it no matter what. Every night without fail, I prayed. But I can't hold on to it any longer. So I gave up on him with a heavy heart. Even so, I continued to pray for him every night without fail. Pray that he will be strong. Pray that he will be cheerful. Pary that he will not forget me.

Such a selfish person I was.

One year ago *click*, I found Ming. Thanks to his presence, I'm not a "drunken mistress". Life's shitty before I met him. Life's turning just before I met Ming. I'm lucky that I bumped into him. If not, I'll really become a drunken mistress.

So many things changed in two years time.

So many people came and went.

And there's more waiting for me.. More to come..