Being a Gemini.

This is like… the turning point of my life. Again. I found myself in a dilemma. AGAIN.
Sigh…

Sometimes, I do feel like I’m a true Gemini.

Quoted from here.

“General behavior:
Gemini (the twins) is a very complex and confusing sign. To some people you can seem like a wonderful friend, while to others you will seem two-faced and sneaky. You will act like a child for most of your life. That includes both the good and bad characteristics of children. You are happy and energetic when things go right for you. However, when things go wrong, you can be passive-aggressive and very mean. You find decisions hard to make, since you can never stay with the one that you originally choose. You tend to fight loosing battles for something that you call a "moral" cause (even though you know it isn't). One quality (you decide whether it's good or bad) you have is the ability to lie and appear that you are telling the complete truth. You prefer to use someone else's solution to a problem than thinking of your own. Many of Gemini's poorer traits are due to your lack of self-esteem. It is very tough to get your attention. You will be thinking about many things at a time and you can't concentrate on any particular thing at one time. You may be praising somebody but at the same time you will be thinking against him(her). But the most intelligent people on the earth are Geminians.”
When I read those, I thought, “Wow.. It’s so ME.” it’s like… 90% me…

Especially about the lack of self esteem part. Yes. I admit that I have very little self-esteem and I seriously need a very high dose of confident to be pumped in my blood.

It also says that I have the ability to lie and make it like I’m telling the truth. Ok. Let’s just treat it as a good thing.

“You will act like a child for most of your life. That includes both the good and bad characteristics of children” – whoa… this one… I got no comment la.. must ask people around me to certify it.

“You will be thinking about many things at a time and you can't concentrate on any particular thing at one time. You may be praising somebody but at the same time you will be thinking against him(her).” – Sounds like a hypocrite huh? But I guess it’s harmless lah. thinking only ma.. Not DOING against.. (ok lah.. maybe I’m hypocritical at times… hey, I’m a Gemini lah.. it’s IN me.)

It also says that I’m indecisive. Which I think is very true lor.. My super main weakness is indecisiveness. Which I think is not a very good thing in the long run. But this trait followed me for as long as 23 years. I think it’s very hard to get rid of it. I think this leads to being hypocritical lor..

Anyway, I’ve been talking to Smelly these few days. Like.. Serious talk, you know.. turns out he thinks that I’m not mature enough when it comes to facing the society. He thinks that I’m too weak. Too soft hearted. Easily bullied by other people… which I think is only half true (or maybe he’s right about that. I don’t know). He wants me to be more aggressive, something that I doubt I can achieve. But I’m trying my best la.. just that sometimes, it’s really hard to be unsympathetic towards certain issue.

I certainly don’t blame Smelly thinking that way cos I naturally portrayed myself as The Weaker One not only in our relationship, in friendship as well. I guess I prefer trying my best to please people around me rather than being The Bossy One or The Annoying One. Usually, I’ll just try to agree on whatever they say and oblige to whatever they ask me to do… of course, if it’s logic, I’ll accommodate them la… if I think that it’s not reasonable, I’ll try my luck to disagree politely and shut up/give up if they counter again. Even though sometimes, if I really don’t disagree on something, I’ll counter them back as much as I could and try my best to have the last word. But I don’t usually do that cos what comes out from my mouth might hurt them. I can be very very mean if I wanted to. So normally, to avoid any unwanted misunderstandings, I’ll just keep quiet. I envy people with high confidence. And most of the times, if not often, I feel intimidated by the good trait of theirs. I feel small when I’m with them. Maybe this is why people tend to bully me. Maybe this is why I always give in during arguments.

A lot of times, people take my silence for granted. More often, they will take chances to use me… as a friend, I don’t mind being used (to certain extend) la… but then I seriously think that sometimes, they went overboard and totally ignoring the fact that I too, have a feeling. Being in silence doesn’t mean being stupid lor.

Like I said earlier, I can be a very mean person. If I can be super nice to you, I also can be awfully mean to you lor. Just that 99% of the time, I chose to become The Good Twin.