fuck!! love is really blind...

all this while, what i tried to do is to make him happy.... and now... what do i get?? mistrust.. (never mind).. scolding... (that's his nature... ego.. -_-") .. we loved each other more than anything in this world, we know that... but just because of some stupid stuff.. it ruined everything... i cherish this love.. i never regret those things that i've sacrificed just to be with him.. because i know one thing.. "you lose some, you gain some"... i've been trying to save and keep this relationship... but seems like its beyond my control... the more i care, the worse it gets...

everytime i think of the days without him, i became so weak that i couldn't even think properly... i'm so used to having him around me all the time.. each and every possible seconds, minutes, days... i don't mind if he doesn't trust me... as long as i'm doing the right thing.. it doesn't matter anymore.. i don't mind if he scold me every possible chances that he get.. cos i know he'll be okay after a while.. cos i know it's his temper.. it's him... i don't mind if he never calls.. cos i know that he's busy.. cos we see each other everyday..

i just want to be loved.. to be protected.. to be appreciated.. i'm a human.. i have feelings too... the most important thing is.. i'm a girl.. i love to be pampered too...! i know i'm not as weak as it seems... but i can't pretend to be strong when i'm not feeling strong at all...! i always thought that i can handle my emotions well.. but i'm wrong.. i became so weak now...

why i have to sit here and cry all night when i supposed to sleep soundly and wake up in the morning, pretend that nothing has happened?? only one answer to this question... is that i really love him and i'm not ready to let it go.... i don't think i'll be able to let it go... call me stupid, call me idiot... it's love that made me what i am now..


[music on air]
R.E.M-Imitation Of Life..

[current mood]
super down

[quote of the day]
like i said earlier... you lose some, you gain some

[next station]
dreamland... my world..

la~ la~ la~

well, it's been a few weeks i didn't update this... hehe... well.. there's so many things happened lately.. with all the troubles that has been hunting me, i felt like there's not enough air for me to breath in..

sometimes, i felt like i'm trapped within myself.. i don't know what to do, i don't what i'm doing and sometimes, i don't even know why i do certain things.. i do things that i couldn't even figure out the reason i did it.. sometimes, i don't even know what i'm thinking while doing other stuff.. i'm like... so into my own world that i almost neglect the real world.. i've been doing a lot of thinking lately.. and i don't even know what it is.. my mind is working, but i just don't know what it is.. perhaps i didn't even do the thinking.. perhaps my mind just shut down for a few seconds?? or maybe.. it's totally blank?? boy! i don't even know what am i writing now!! ^O^

well.. i felt like a useless person lately... skipped few classes.. skipped work... skipped dinner today.. sigh~ i not sure of what i'm doing and i don't know whether it's right or wrong.. good or bad..

ugh... a lil moody lately.. i guess it's normal.. moodswings in "the time of the month".. ;)


[sounds on air]
the sound of the air-cond and the washing machine.. -_-:

[current mood]
not so cheerful..

[quote of the day]
biar LAMBAT, asalkan selamat... *wink*

[next station]
*ngrok*ngrok* zzZZZzzZzzZZzzz

STILL in the lift.. -_-" 

on the way back, waiting for the lift... 

zoukfest '05 with my sista!!  

in a confusion...

well.. pretty much a wonderful weekend i had... went to zoukfest with debb and her friends and mie... it was a great and wonderful night.. met quite number of old friends, juniors and seniors there.. the party was excellent! two thumbs-up!! :)

well i had a great weekend..but i'm not feeling quite okay lately... i felt different.. i sensed changes in myself.. felt a bit weird lately.. i don't know... i just don't feel so happy-go-lucky anymore.. i don't know why i felt that way... i kinda felt a lil left out..

sigh~ i thought i'll be happy... but now... i'm not enjoying myself like a 20 years-old should..

i'm starting to hate myself now.. why does shitty things always happens to me? it's so unfair... i'm supposed to be happy.. and i deserved to BE happy..

sigh~
i just want a simple life.. that's all.. am i asking too much? all i want is a lil bit of attention... to be noticed.. is that really too much??... i don't know anymore... i'm tired...





[music on air]
hoobastank-the reason

[current mood]
still confused and a lil depressed

[next station]
BED!!

[quote of the day]
don't expect too much, you'll lose more.

eh?

just another bored day... met mie today.. he sent me to college... waited til my class ended... well.. he's quite patient though.. waited there for two hours.. :) then went to mapley and had roti planta...

mie asked me to just "scold" him whenever he didn't want to listen to me... well.. for me.. i'd rather let him realise his mistakes himself than just burst out whenever i got the chance.. it's good that he actually realised that sometimes i'm also right.. :) i admit that i'm actually a very hot tempered person... but i don't know why i never really lose my temper in front of him... well, i AM hot tempered.. but i listen and reason out before anything happens.. unlike him.. burst out whenever things goes wrong.. well, that's him.. and perhaps just because i know that's his "style" of handling stuffs, i can cool down easily... can't be hot tempered at the same time, right??

hmm... until now, i still feel that nobody really understands me.. they always thought and judge me by what i do... not WHY i do it... perhaps i don't know how to express my feelings? i don't know... well.. lately, i felt like.. i'm becoming anti-social... i don't initiate any conversations with my new classmates.. i don't smile... and i don't even look at them... i remember back in Stamford, i'm the one who take the initiative to talk to the person beside me.. i'm the person who talk back to the lecturers... i'm like.. the class' clown... i made them laugh.. i made them talk... i bring everybody together... but now..... i'm nobody to everybody and i'm making everybody a nobody... i wonder if this is a good thing for me or not...

sigh~ i hope things will get better soon...




[music on air]
Canon In D Major

[current mood]
a lil confused..

[qoute of the day]
When you accept a task, do it whole heartedly..
If you turn down a task, leave it willingly..

[next station]
zZzzZZZzzZzz

it's been six months...

without even realising... it's been six months i'm in a relationship... in this six months... i've learnt a lot... and i know i won't stop learning... new things happens each and everyday... new words blurted out from our mouths.. new silly "sambil-sambil" jokes on the scooter... it's like... each and everyday is a new beginning of our relationship... i felt that we're like.. a couple who just started going out for a few days.. lol!! i love him more everyday... although we always argue about those tiny lil things..but i know deep inside, we love each other more than anything.. well, it's normal for a couple to argue once in a while..

well, i've never thought that there's still someone who love me so much though i'm not as great as any other girls out there... i know i'm not his dream girl.. and i know i'm not a perfect girlfriend to him.. but i'm trying my best to be the best... though it's not an easy thing to do, but i know i'm trying.. of course, in the process of being a better person, i sure did something that get to his nerves..but hey, i'm still learning.. *wink* and nobody is perfect...





[music on air]
Babyface-What If

[current mood]
extremely happy.. ^O^

[quote of the day]
love is to forgive and forget..

[next station]
*ngrok*ngrok* zZzzZZzZzz

-LOVE-

Love..
is something beautiful,
something precious..

Love..
is to be patient,
to be kind..

Love..
is to be generous,
to forgive and forget..

Love..
is caring and sharing,
yet to be selfish to protect ourselves..

Love..
is to give..
and not to expect the same in return..

Love..
is to cherish and be cherished,
and to be remembered..

Love..
is to bless,
and be blessed..

Love..
is to be true,
to be sincere..

Love..
is to be wiser,
to be explored..

Love..
is to be happy,
and to discover happiness..

Love..
is to understand,
yet to be sensitive..

Love..
is unpredictable,
unexpectable..

Love..
makes you stronger,
yet it makes you cry..

Love..
is to hurt,
and be hurted..

Love..
is forever,
but forever is still a doubt..

Love..
is something that i longed for,
something that i searched for..

Love..
is something that i found,
but it's something that i'll lose..

Love..
is keeping,
yet knowing when to let go..


-denise-
22012005

what a weekend..

what a night!!! well, went to sunway yesterday night with mie for the hitz.fm 8th bitrhday bash party.. it was okay but it rained a while.. we stayed there only for one hour... then both of us decided to head home..

well.. there's actually a lot of things i wanted to write the other day.. but the connection was damn bad and i forgot exactly what i want to write.. heh... well, classes was okay.. work was okay... but started to get bored a bit... very lazy these few days....

well, i still don't know why trouble always follow behind my back... one shit after another... and i wonder why i'm so damn unlucky lately... i thought everything's going on fine between me and mie.. but then again... ugh! it all started with friend's problem.... i hate myself for being helpful... haih!! like always, i asked myself... why i always ended up covering shit all over my body when all i'm trying to do is to help a lil bit?? ugh... don't want to talk and think about it anymore... the more i think, the sadder i get... well.. just hope that i'll forget what happened soon... i hate going through this shit... hate it...


[music on air]
The Cure-Boys Don't Cry

[next station]
slumber land!!!

first day of college.......

first day of college isn't really fun though... went to accounting class at 10a.m... the lecturer was okay...talked non-stop for two damn hours without giving us any break in between.. but it's not THAT bored since i've already learnt it in form 4 and when i'm in Stamford... haih!! pity me.. have to study everything all over again.. =/ but mie said it's okay... since i've learnt almost everything, i MUST score.... -_-: ... score ah??? see first la... ekekeke...

anyway, i was forced to drop one subject because it clashes with another subject that i'm taking... ugh!! i registered for 3 subjects, which i think is too little per semester.. and now, i HAVE to drop one... damn.. i'm gonna study only TWO subjects this semester... hmm... i'm so far behind the others... -_-:

after the accounting class, there's supposed to be business law class at 12p.m... so, the accounting class ended around 11.50a.m. and i proceeded to the class next door for law class... there isn't anybody there yet.. and i thought those people are only coming in at 12p.m.... i hang around alone (i still don't know anybody there yet..) and waited till 12.10p.m... still no sign of students coming in.... freaking cold inside... then i took my class time table to double confirm that i'm in the right room... i checked for like... a thousand times.. right room... right time.. but no students... no lecturer??? then remembered something i read in the notice board...
Classes for the subject BU110 Intro To Aspects Of Bussiness Law will only be commencing on the 24th February 2004.
God!!! i was such fool...! waited there for like... 20minutes...!! i was lucky enough to realised it so soon... stupid denise... hehe... so, i'll make sure that there's no next time... must read and store everything in my brain safely.. :P

hmm... reached home around 3.30p.m... slept for like half and hour.. cooked dinner for everyone... quite tired.. i'm going to continue sleeping after dinner later... wuarghhhhh!!!

[music on air]

Hoobastank-The Reason

[next station]

TV time...!

g'day~

oh well... the first time blogging... hehe...

hmm.. well, i actually didn't really have a good start this year... everything seems to be messed up... hmm.. i did what i supposed to do... i also did what i'm not supposed to do... too many mistakes done within a short period of time.. hurted the person whom love dearly... though it looks okay now.. but i still feel and know that the wound will not totally heal so fast and so easy... hmm..

well, just started college last week.. haven't go to the classes yet.. hehe... tomorrow will be the official "first" day for me... new college, new environment, new lecturers, new friends perhaps?? kinda nervous though... hope everything will go smooth tomorrow!! :)

tomorrow will be mie's first day to work... new place, new environment..new boss.. hehe... GOOD LUCK sayang!! muahx!!

anyway, V Day was okay... didn't really get to celebrate outside.. cos don't have the mood.. (time of the month...so unlucky...) caught in the rain in the evening...have to stay in the house and watch dvd... (did we??).. i think we slept soundly that evening... too tired of working..going here and there for the past weeks...

got valentine's present after two days.. haha!! it was 212 Sexy.. love it baby... thanks a bunch honey!! and i hope he like his present as much as i do... *wink*

watched National Treasure on the 16th with mie... it was a great movie... too bad we didn't have the time to watch Constantine...


[on-air]
peter pan-mungkin nanti