Many times, we keep reminding ourselves to be sane. To stay focused. To think what is right and what is not. To agree with the majority, because it seems like the right thing to do. To flock with the same kind, just so we wouldn’t feel left out. To follow the leader that is supposed to give good guidance. To listen to people around us, because we don’t trust our own judgments. To nod in amusement, just to acknowledge them our existence.
Many times, we do all of the above just to blend in. Because we all think that it will make us feel better. Because we thought we feel more secured. Because we think that it makes us more human. We think that it is the norm. We think that it is how it works.
But have we ever spent one second, to think otherwise?
It is okay to think and act differently. At the end of the day, our own happiness does not belong to someone else.
It is okay to be alone sometimes. Nothing wrong about getting a breather out of the craziness. It is not written in the handbook of life that we have to follow others to shine.
It is alright to make mistakes. To blame on the bad genes. To blame on others. To blame on ourselves. To be naïve. To make excuses not to believe. Because stupidity lives in each and every human being.
It is okay to be emotional. To be sad. To be angry. And most importantly, to be able to shed a tear of sorrow.
Because that, makes us more human.
So last weekend, something happened. Well, let’s just say that I was kinda being “threatened” by a psycho. Pfft. And so she thought that I’m frightened by her threats. And so she thought that I’m so scared that I’ll piss my pants. And so she thought that she won.
Pfft.
She can say whatever she wants. She can write whatever she likes. It just shows how desperate she wants everyone to believe her and to agree with her. For me, I’m not going to retaliate. Cos it’s a waste of time to even reply any of her nonsense. Seriously, if she wants the whole world to know about it, go ahead. Thanks for the free publicity. I’d love that. =)
Heck. Even Smelly thought it’s childish and like I expected, he can’t even be bothered about it. Oh.. and she thought that by doing whatever thing that she did, it will hurt our relationship. HAHA.
If my relationship is so vulnerable, I won’t even consider keeping it at the first place.
Well, I guess she thought that everybody’s relationship is as screwed and as fragile as hers. Sorry babe, not a chance.
Oh… by keeping quiet doesn’t mean that I’m scared. I just thought that it’s a waste of time to even be bothered to retaliate, even though I really think that she’s insulting my intelligence and I almost lost my patience. But well… I managed to just let her bark. I’m used to the barking sound of Alfie anyway… pfft.
That’s why I always believe in “Silence is Golden”.
yes!!! finally get to take some time off for a short holiday to Bangkok (again)!!! this trip was planned since last year! but lately was too busy to think about it and dalam sekelip mata, sudah tiba masanya kita pergi berholiday!
but yesterday, Bangkok got bombed. -_____-
i hope i'll come back in perfect shape. *pray*
bye!!!!!!!
Seriously, I do think that some people are really psycho when it comes certain things. Not that I cannot take sarcasm, but just don’t fucking two-face me when you prefer not to like me. Just don’t pretend as if nothing happened and act cool about it when the fact is you really mind it. How hard is it to tell me to my face that you hate me and want me out of your life? I have no problems shutting you out of mine because for one, you definitely don’t have a significant status in my life at all. I just cannot accept the fact that you said you have nothing against me but behind my back, you say things differently. What’s your problem? Can’t you just tell it to my face? You don’t have to waste your time and effort to do/say so many things behind me indirectly when all you have to do is just come right up to me and tell it straight to me.
Fucking two face.
I do not owe you anything and I’m definitely NOT trying to be nice to you. Or anyone close to you for that matter. And for the record, I am NOT felling any guilt because I have done NOTHING wrong. It’s all your own assumptions and I am not responsible for it. The reason why I am so pissed is that you are a fucking two-face.
Try all you want. I am not going to defend myself or anyone. Definitely not going to retaliate because I know by doing that, you will get the satisfaction, which I am definitely NOT going to let you get. Period.
Month of June & July a problematic month!
Like seriously… what did I do to deserve such treatment?
Isn’t there enough of troubles/problems coming my way?
At the rate of this, I think I’ll go crazy before everyone else.
Seriously! What did I do?
I’m not the one who causes your miseries.
It’s you yourself who makes things worse. Being emotional is not the way to make me feel guilty or anything okay. It’ll only pushes me further away. I’m an emotional bitch also. Just don’t test my patience lah. Being nice to you doesn’t mean that I have to do things your way all the time. I have to stand for my own rights too. Being nice to you doesn’t mean that you can treat me like a dog.
Have you wondered why people are nice to you?
Have you wondered why I’m being nice?
I’m not being hypocrite. I’ve told you many times that I’m all about the heart. I’ve hinted you so many times that you have to change some part of yourself to make things easier for everyone. You scratch my back, I scratch yours.
Yes, I’m a wuss when it comes to certain things. Yes, I only know how to complain and not take action. Because I’m a WUSS! But seriously… I just want a healthy peaceful environment. I don’t want stupid unnecessary things mess up my emotional wellbeing, especially when it doesn’t worth my time.
But no, you’re a selfish person.
You’re all about talking “positive” and making yourself seems forgiving and all that. But in fact, you are the most selfish and emotional person ever!
Yes, sometimes, shit happens. When it happens, we try not to repeat the mistakes. And we try to improvise certain things when there’s a need. But no, you don’t accept changes; you don’t accept honest opinions, cos when we’re honest, you make us sound stupid. Sigh.
I opened my heart to be your friend. I defended you in a lot of situation when others are negative towards you. I turned certain things positively and make it sounds good.
Did you know that?
Nope.
And you do this to me.
I think I deserve more than this.
Today is just like the many Fridays that I was looking forward to. Weekend is always exciting tho I know my Saturdays routine would be staying at home and go to Japanese class and spend the whole Sundays at home surfing, lazing or just lepaking at some café with the usual faces, updating each other about things that happened around us.
But today will also be a Friday that I’d say, significant to me.
It’s a day where I got to know that my dad is going through a depression. I’m not sure how serious it is in actual fact, but from what I see, it’s quite serious.
To be honest, I’ve prepared myself for this day, confirming that he is depressed. Because these few years was a tough one. A lot of things happened and I kinda know that he will be going through a nervous breakdown any time.
Now, even though I’m prepared for it, I still feel terrible. In a lot of ways.
For a second, I couldn’t find the answer to all the questions in my head. I couldn’t comprehend what just happened and why this is happening to him. To me. To us.
For a second, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know that to say to make him feel better. I don’t know how to make him feel optimistic. I don’t know how to make it go away.
I know that this sickness is purely psychological and nobody but himself could cure it. What we/people around him can do is to support him morally. But even so, we can’t make the things in his head go away in a split second no matter how desperately we want it to.
Depression is not an uncommon sickness. It is in everybody’s mind. It’s the way that person handles it.
I guess, dad finally lose it. He chose to let it take over his mind.
For a moment, I felt so afraid. So many uncertainties floated in my head.
It’s a feeling that I never had before. I almost don’t know what to do. Not that I know what to do now, but all I know is, I need to stay strong. For him.
I know this sounds silly, but a thought crossed my mind few days ago, before we confirmed that he’s depressed, I thought of turning into a vegetarian. Yes. You heard me right. I don’t know why but all I thought was, “if it will make things right, why not?” perhaps it’ll help? Maybe I can try pledging to become a vegetarian for a hundred days? See if it helps?
Shrug.
I don’t know.
Should I?
