S.A.F.S (Save A Fat Soul) wtf.

I’m worried.

I looked fat lately. Really fat. I feel fat. But strange thing is… I didn’t put on any weight and all my clothes still fits me like it used to.

How come leh?

Maybe because I feel ugly so I naturally feel fat too.

Damn.

I think it’s either because of my hair, or I’m already used to seeing myself in make-up.

And lately.. I think my nose is too big.. HUGE.

*Gasp! Horror!*

Am I becoming vainer?

Please.tell.me.i’m.not.

Thank you very much.

p/s- seriously.. I think my nose is very big.


******************************************

I don’t know about this anymore.

Hmm.

It’s a mixed feeling of irony, indecisiveness, heavy heart and curiosity.

Part of me wants it so badly. But another part of me doesn’t because I’ve fallen into the comfort zone. Not that I cannot adapt to changes. But then… I’m more than happy to live in comfort than to live in surprises. Seriously. But I don’t mind surprises since it’ll bring excitement.

I seriously need a professional advice.

Anyone care to help a lost fat soul?

and i had to force myself eating something that i hate with tears.

yesterday, you made realised how significant i am to you.

you bought the food that i don't eat (if i have a choice).

"you know that i don't eat (yellow) mee right?"

"oh.. i remember wrongly," you said. "i thought you don't eat mee hoon."

after three years.... and you still can remember wrongly?

you have no idea how i felt that very moment.


it's like a zillion needles poked through my heart...

Yesterday was the last day of Chinese New Year.

I woke up at 9.30a.m cos I got a call from Dad, “Come back to eat later okay? Latest will be at 11.”

Still blurish, I thought he said 11p.m cos I thought it’s gonna be dinner. But then tak kan la dinner at 11pm right? Then I realized he was talking about early lunch. I showered and dashed back home while trying to call Shorty but she’s not answering. We had lunch without her. Dad looked a lil disappointed but kept some dishes for her and Ah Kor (however, they didn’t come back to eat it though… bad attitude weh... Ish). *Update* Shorty said they went back and ta pau the food. apa lah..

Hmm.

Time really flies! It’s already mid February! Christmas felt just like yesterday. Sigh!

3 more months to our Bangkok trip. I don’t know why I keep on having this feeling that something not so good will happen before/during/after the trip. Maybe I’m just too nervous cos it’s our first oversea trip. Our first plane ride together. Our first alone-trip somewhere. Our first so-early-planned holiday (by ME only cos he’s so NOT showing any interest and excitement. Ugh.).

Anyway, one of the main things that I’m concerned about this trip is the financial part. The financial crisis is definitely affecting everyone. I started to feel pressured cos it’s only 3 months away and I still haven’t save enough. My passport expires next month and Smelly doesn’t have one, which means we had to spend another RM600 extra for the renewal. To make things difficult, my insurance renewal is in April/May. Another few hundred bucks going out there.

Stress.

I guess I need to start looking for part time job.

Anyone hiring?

jinxed.

ok.

i'm jinxed.

i had fever and bad headache on Chinese New Year AGAIN.

why this have to happen to ME?

this year, i had really bad headache on friday, saturday, sunday and monday! can you believe it? i had fever on the FIRST DAY of CNY AGAIN!

ugh.

actually i had fever two days before CNY. and only today i felt better.

ugh.

i'm 23. not 32 lah!

i'm so sad.


Smelly: Bie... My colleague asked me "Ming, your girlfriend is older than you is it?"

Dy: =.= (damn 7 tak puas hati...! )

"how does he know how i look like? he never meet me before also!"

"he saw your photos in facebook" (i swear i felt like deleting ALL MY photos in FB right away lor!!!)

-_-


WTH????

his colleague's eyes got problem issit?

DO I REALLY LOOKED OLDER THAN SMELLY??????

T_____T

i'm so sad now.

i asked Kenny, "Do you think i REALLY looked older than ah Ming?"

Kenny : On par lor... but not older lah...




ON PAR!!!

means i DO LOOKED OLDER THAN I REALLY AM!!!!

T_T

sobz.

Kenny : you looked mature ma.. better than they say you looked like dau gei(kid) right?





sobz.

T____T

i rather people say i look like a kid than look like an aunty lor..

sobz.

mahai... Smelly looked young ma.. not i looked old right? right? RIGHT???

emo.angry.emo.ANGRY.

Am I really THAT immature in your eyes?

Do I look THAT inconsiderate to you?

Have you always thought that I do not understand at all?

You told me that you’re very disappointed hearing what I’ve said.

Does it EVER cross your mind that I’m also VERY disappointed that you felt that way?

You got it all wrong!

I did not mean what you thought I meant.

Can you stop using my weakness against me and make me feel bad?

And next time, don’t ever tell me to find another guy. It shows how unimportant I am to you. If you think that I will never do it, you’re totally wrong. You can never predict what I can do and what I WILL do out of rebellion.


Don’t forget that I have a very strong evil twin.

have you started to take me for granted? i tried to convince myself so many times that you're not. i tried so many times to prove myself wrong.

yes, i've made up so many excuses to prove that you have not. it made me feel better. almost every time.

sometimes, i wished that you're a little bit sensitive.

afterall, i'm still a girl.

emo.

Have you ever take some time and think about what I really want and need?

Do you know what’s in my mind if I never take the initiative to tell you EVERY SINGLE THING?

Can you at least pretend that you’re sorry? Or at least admit what I said about you was right?

Why do you always get away with it by smiling?

You know it doesn’t take a lot of effort to persuade me, right? You know I’m THAT easy to give in, right? That’s why you bully me.

You know I can’t be angry for long.

You’re a selfish person.

You only think about yourself.

Have you thought at least a lil bit of me?

Have you prioritize me at least ONCE in any situation?

Have you at least cared for a bit?

Is it me or is it because I’m too sensitive to think that you never care?

Does it hurt when I say you didn’t care, right to your face?

Does it hurt when I told you you’re selfish, right to your face?

Does it hurt when I say you don’t love me as much, right to your face?



Cos it hurts me when I said all that.