the owl.

i can't sleep. must be the two cups of coffee the i had just now...

went for a movie. it's been a while since i been to the cinema. and i watched a sad ending comedy. ugh.

life's been unexpectedly great lately. at least i wake up everyday with a smile. but there are still a lot of things in my mind now though. some things that i can't help thinking. some things that is still bothering me despite the happiness that came to my life. it's still there. and i know it won't go away so soon.

i want to be the 'old' denise once again. the one who smile all day. laugh all night. the one who think less and enjoy the moment. the one who make everyone around her smile by just one look. the one who doesn't care about what other people think. the carefree denise. it's not the same anymore. i know it's never gonna be the same anymore.

i laughed too much lately. and i'm worried bout it. i laughed too much that i'm afraid that one day i'll cry hard. it always been that way. and i'm hardly wrong with my instinct.

i miss talking to jennhoel. he's too busy for me now that he's already have a girlfriend. i miss his companion. i miss his lectures. i miss those silent moments..

i miss my sister. i miss her attitude. i miss her sarcasm.

i miss hanging out with ann. i miss waiting for her to find the perfect word in our converstaion.

i miss all my stamford friends. especially keesin. i miss the way he crack jokes spontaneously. i miss eating breads in his car on the way back from college.

i miss my dog. [i'm still mad at dad, giving him away without moticing me..]

i miss tripping. [lol!!!] ok.. only a lil bit. i miss the way everything looked so nice and beautiful.

i miss being a teenager. i miss highschool, when everything is so simple and everyone is so naive. i miss bitching with my girlies. i miss pissing off the teachers who teaches the subjects that i don't like.

now, i seriously i miss sleeping and having sweet dreams.

the thoughts.

"he who makes her cry doesn't deserve to be with her."

and i believe that he won't make me drop a single tear of distress. his smile brings me joy. his laughter takes away my sorrow. he gives me unexpected happiness. but i'm afraid.. i wonder if it's gonna be just another sweet dream. if it is, i wish i will never wake up from it.

i've learned that nothing is fair in this world. but it's important to be fair to ourselves. be happy. and when happiness turns its back on you, that is the time to let go off it and start looking for other joys in life. i've learned that it's important to be happy before making others happy. that is what they call true happiness. no point making others happy if we are not. a fake smile doesn't make ourselves a better and happier person... it's only going to bring us more misery. be true to ourselves and things will slowly come our way.


[music on air]
something by jay chou.

[current mood]
better than ever.

[quote of the day]
love is never fair. but you have to be fair to love.

[next station]
sleep...

the hungry one.

i believe that when you hate someone so much that after a while, you'll forget the reason for hating them eventually. same goes for love. the more you love them, the more you find yourself doubting if it's the true feeling. so it's better to let things be the way they're supposed to be.

god! i'm so hungry now that i could eat three whole chickens!!

it's a dream.

sometimes, we can't be too selfish in a relationship. but it's always easier said than done. especially towards past relationships. you want them to move on, yet you don't want to know the details. part of you still miss everything that you had.. everything that you've been through together. but part of you tells you to forget and keep on walking.

i'm stucked in a relationship where no words can comfort me anymore. i don't even know if we're still in the relationship. i'm still stucked at the point where everything began. i'm not moving even a bit. because i still believe in it. but apparently, what i did is not right. he told me that i should move along. though it's without him at the moment. he told me that he's comfortable with what he have and had. he told me that he didn't change and he won't. he told me that he doesn't want me to put so much hope on something that is not certain. but what he said is not fair. does this means that he's not sure whether we'll meet at the end of the road?

i'm letting go.

a love so wonderful turned into a burden without realising.

i'm giving up.

it's only a promise that is never true.

i'm getting on. i know i'll be okay soon. i always do.



"there used to be people. people who used to listen. people who used to care. people who used to be there. there isn't anyone left. what's left is the memories. what's left is the footprints of the people who were once in my life. people who once touched my heart.

there used to be happiness. people who make my day by just one smile. people who make me smile by just one word. but time flies by as quickly as they come. and happiness flew away as sadness stopped by. those eyes once drop only joyful tears now filled with tears of misery."
-20122005-

the naive one.

i read back those previous posts that i wrote. and i felt so funny. it's almost pointless to post up some of the things that i've written. so childish. so naive. so stupid.

been thinking a lot lately. and nothing works. so i guess they're right. stop thinking and just let things happen naturally. i think i'll be happier that way.

shitty things happens and i know it comes and go. have to adapt to it tho.

lotsa things happened and i guess i've learned too much. more than enough for me to be a better person. i've gained and lose. going through the end of teenage life is somehow exciting.

the road.

lies.. some sounded like fairy tales. while some are like nightmares. i live in a world surrounded by countless lies. some were told by strangers.. some by the closest ones.. while some were created by myself. who never tell a lie? nobody.

promises.. they really ARE made and meant to be broken.

true love.. you know you found your true love when your heart doesn't feel the same anymore. when nothing can replace it. you'll know it's true love when you know you couldn't love him like the way you love anybody else. when you can't mend the heart broken by your true love.

so now, i live in lies filled with broken promises and left with a shattered heart.

so what?

life goes on. like it or not. i'm learning how to let go and let go willingly. i want to walk out of it with pride. my dearest lecturer back in Stamford once told me, "Denise, you walk into this college with good reputation. And I want you to walk out with better reputation. Not leaving any bad remarks." that word of his taught me a lot.

the conversation.

i talked to korkor on the phone the other day. was feeling a lil moody. uncertain. sad to be exact. but korkor taught me a lot in the conversation.. i'm so grateful to have him around.. been wanting to talk to harvey lately.. but i couldn't call him up. and like usual, he didn't reply my emails. and seriously, i don't know how he's doing lately. just pray that he's doing alright. i don't really mind him for not replying my emails and returning calls like i used to anymore. maybe he don't have the time to do so.. maybe he's having a hard time over there and he don't want me to worry. i always tell myself to think positive. to believe in him. and to trust my own judgment. but sometimes, it's easier said than done.

i cried myself out last night, thinking about harvey. i still remember how he told me not to cry more than 10 minutes. he don't like seeing me cry. i guess most guys can't stand girls who cries often. guys just don't know how to handle it. egoism.

there are times when i feel like giving up hope. there are times where i wished to lose all of my memories so that i won't be sad, thinking of him. it's not that i want to forget him. i just don't want to feel hopeless everytime i try to remember.

i wish that everything will be alright soon.




[current mood]
bitter.

[current book]
it's 'Kane and Abel'... spelling error in the previous post.

the days.

ok.. my network card was burned few weeks ago.. lucky me. i finished my assignment just one day before that. and now, i have to come to this internet cafe in kotaraya. just to check my mails and blog a while.

this few weeks without internet connection at home drives me nuts. well, almost... i didn't do my final-one-and-only assignment for Business in Computing subject. it's a 70% paper. and i screwed it up. and i got to know that i've failed the two Marketing assignment. so i HAVE to pass at least my Finance paper... i'm in deep shit.

i don't know what to do with my life now. ok.. college life to be more accurate.

i've learned lotsa things lately. about people. love. attitude. friendship.



i think i'll stop writing. not in the mood to crap.


[current book]
Kane and Ebel by Jeffrey Archer.

the result.

michelle came to my place and stayed overnight the other day. we reached home around 2a.m. that day and my dad was awake, taking care of my grampa, who is sick. grampa woke up in the middle of the night for a cup of oatmeal and a slice of bread beofre taking his medicine. so i asked daddy to go back to sleep and i'll wait til grampa finished his meal and give him medicine. so while i was patting grampa's neck, michelle looked at me with a sad expression. i asked her what was it.. and she told me that i'm very fortunate. to have a chance to take care of my grampa. because she doesn't have that chance. and i felt bad. that i normally don't really care for my granparents a lot. well, it just doesn't seem to be enough care and effort that i put in. perhaps i should start caring for them now.. because i still have them with me. many people that i know have lose their grandparents when they're still a kid. some never even have the chance to get to know them. so i'm considered lucky. to have all my grammas and grampas with me now.

so i finally done my finance assignment. but i missed out one point to write in the report. the recommendation. ugh. it's okay.. can't expect too much for a last minute job. anyway today i found out that my previous marketing assignment's result. a got a 13%. and he'll take 20% out of it for the final. i'm in deep shit. think i'll prepare for retake. damn.


[music on air]
butterfly by micheal jackson.

[quote of the day]
what if there's only today and tomorrow is still a doubt?

[current mood]
bad aura surrounding me today. i feel down.

[next station]
marketing assignment!

the assignment.

so i went to fana's house to do our finance assignment which is due on monday. i have no idea how to do it actually. but then.. it turned out to be a really simple common sense mathematics. we cracked our head for one hour or two and finally, we did the counting part correct. but we still have a report to write. seriously, i don't know how to write the report. i'm really weak when it comes to writing reports. so i guess i'll just wait til tomorrow and discuss with them on msn messenger. hehe.. at least we finished the first part. *grins*

can't wait for the college ball. it's next friday. i hope fana can make it tho. it's the first time i felt so excited over a dinner ball. i remember last year, i went to stamford college's ball thingy, and my friends forced me to go. yes. they forced me. they bought the tix and dragged me to the costume shop and picked me an arabian costume. i have no choice but to go. it sucked. the food was terrible. the environment was crappy. the people... you wouldn't want to know.. anyway, this time, i just don't know why i'm so excited. maybe it's because of khairel. the way he told me about the dinner, oh, you should hear him out.. he's so good at promoting it! plus, everybody i know is going.. so i won't be so bored afterall. and weileng will be going too! hehe....

oh, it's tv time... later~

the guilt.

so i went out for a drink with michelle. before that, i thought of drinking with jennhoel after his futsal game, so he came over. when i got into his car...

denise : eh, can wait for a while here ah?

jennhoel : why leh?

denise : michelle is coming over too. hehe.. we go drink together.

jennhoel : oh, then you two go together la. i don't want to disturb you girls la..

denise : like you don't know her.. -_-: come la.. go drink for a while only... i want to drink with you tonight. been trying to get you last few days.. but you BUSY.. (trying to make him feel guilty..)

jennhoel : don't want la.. tonight, i willingly don't want to drink with you.

denise : *speechless* (willingly?)


so we went for a cigarette somewhere near my place. then his phone rang..

jennhoel : (on the phone) bought the tix. but different seats. bla.. bla.. (hung up)

denise : fucker. no wonder you said "willingly"... -_-: watch midnight show is it? ceh!

jennhoel : *grined*

and i thought i was the guilty one for calling michelle.



anyway, life's boring. i've got two assignments to pass up next week and being so denise, i haven't started doing.

seriously, i wish to have some sparks and colors in my life now. i wake up every morning doing the same thing...

- check if harvey's online.
- listen to medley by leo ku at least two times.
- eat whatever that i can find on the dining table.
- surfing the tv channels over and over again.
- go to college/work.
- call up some friends to see if they're free for a drink session.
- go home.
- check if harvey's online.
- check emails.
- blog.
- listen to breathing by lifehouse at least three times.
- watch tvb drama series.
- curl up on the bed and do some thinking.
- sleep.

that's what i do everyday without fail.

can somebody pull me out from boredom? thank you.

boring.

very bored.

my grampa is sick. very sick. asthma. my aunties from malacca came this afternoon. they're still here. talking with my dad. oh, before i reached home just now, i heard that tragedy nearly happen in my house. no, not my grampa. my brother. haha! my dad almost whack him with the dining chair. yes. the dining chair. but it didn't happen. thanks to my aunties. they managed to stop him and calmed him down before the chair landed on my brother's body. all because of my brother's attitude. exam's around the corner and he's still not studying. sit in front of the pc and tv from the time he wake up until he sleep. so being a typical dad, couldn't stand it and started scolding and attempted to whack him. when i got home, my brother is STILL watching the tv. no point yelling at him.


i miss...

harvey.

my sister.

my brother in law.

korkor.

man.

ninie.

ann.

azuree.

michelle.

wei leng.

rifhan.

yee meng.

jenn hoel.

onisan.

kee sin.

poh yee.

ming keat.

rachel.

starbucks klp.



[music on air]
medley by leo ku.

[current mood]
having PMS.

[quote of the day]
stubborn people never learn from mistake.

[next station]
tv.hangout with michelle.

the phone call.

okay, so i woke up at 9a.m. and called harvey up to wish him "happy birthday".

he's a bookworm now. everytime i talk to him, he's either reading or doing assignment. and 81% was the lowest mark that he got for 1 of the 7 subjects that he took. and he told me that it's not enough. reason? because it's not an 'A'. 90% and above is an 'A'. and THAT was his mid-term results. seven subjects with all 'B' [80-89%]. and he's complaining. if i were to get 80% and above for all my papers, i'll be smiling from ear to ear everyday until the last day of college. too bad, reality DOES hurt sometimes. getting 45% for one paper is hard for me. let alone 80%. wake up denise. stop dreaming.

it's kinda fun talking to him. it's been a few months we didn't talk on the phone. not even instant messaging for a month now. it's good to hear his voice again. but he's got this stupid-typical-new-york slang. ugh. gotta get used to it tho. can't blame him for having that slang. he's with new yorkers every god damn day. he spends most of his time talking to them. so it's normal to have that slang right? like me having this superb malay-ish slang when i speak malay? because i hang out with malays most of the time? [i don't mean to praise myself.. it's just an instant example..].. okay.. i'm getting a lil narcissistic here.. oh..

by the way, i got another news today. a sad one. well.. not that i never expected it. harvey is definitely not coming back in this two years. he can't leave the country for another two years. it's the rule. sigh~ well, at least he can make it to my graduation day. that's IF he's coming back for my graduation day like he promised. but anyway, his sister's coming back. hehe... so i can pass his birthday present to her... that's IF i manage to complete the present. LOL! [ok, i seriously hope that i'll be able to complete it.]

hmm.

i got my hair trimmed today. and it's very obvious that it's few inches shorter! damn! that's not trimming. that's cutting! god! my dad always do this. when he cut my hair, he always overcut it. maybe he's jealous that i have a nice long hair? haha!!!! [ok. another sign of being a narcissist.] but he got me the highlight color that i wanted. chilly red!!!!! hehehe......


[music on air]
stop crying your heart out by oasis.

[current mood]
better than yesterday.

[quote of the day]
be strong.

[next station]
tv time!

the conversation.

ok. it's getting weirder. first, a rat was in my house. yesterday morning, i was sitting in the living room, watching tv and having my hot and steamy porridge. and i placed a peice of cake (it's in the plastic bag) on the coffee table. so while i was happily watching the show, i felt something came in from the closed grill. a MONKEY. yes. i turned and saw it. it quickily walked in and took the cake and ran out. and it made a pit stop at the flower pot and gave me that evil "hehehe-i-got-your-cake" look and climbed up the roof. so, first the rat. now the monkey. i wonder what will come into the house later.


so, today is harvey's birthday. and i tried to call his house just now.. to try my luck. maybe he's at home. or maybe i can leave a message telling him to go home at certain time to wait for my call. and his mother answered the phone. i talked to his mom for a while. and she told me something that's sad to hear.

the answering machine : hi, noone is available to answer your call. please leave a message after the tone. *toot*

denise : hi, it's denise here. anybody home???????

*paused*

denise : hello.............................

*another long pause*
someone picked up..

vey's mommy : hi denise... how are you?

denise : good auntie... how are you? *smile happily* (at that moment, i thought i won a lottery!)

vey's mommy : i'm fine here.. you want to talk to harvey?

denise : *before she could finish her sentence, i interupted* yea.. is he around?

vey's mommy : no, he's not around. he's got classes until 4p.m. but he'll be back around 7p.m and i'll take him out for dinner at 9p.m. gonna bring him out after his classes.

denise : so he's going back home tonight right? i can call him at this number right? (just to make sure..)

vey's mommy : yes. you can call him here around 8p.m. our time? oh it's already 13-hour difference now, you know that right?

denise : yea. i knew that. mommy told me.

then we continued talking about my studies and here's a the part that i'm sad of..

vey's mommy : so did harvey replied your emails? he told me that you're working at zouk as a clerk..

denise : yea, i'm working there part time. no, he didn't reply my emails. i gave up emailing him. *nervous laugh*

vey's mommy : huh?? he never reply ah? sigh~ maybe he's too tired with his work here. he's been studying very hard lately. nelly told me that she's worried bout his brother a lot. first, she's worried that he'll score better than her. hahaha! second, she's afraid that he'll collapse one day. he wake up early in the morning and study. he hardly sleep.

denise : yea. i heard from him too. study only. he's like that in malaysia also. never sleep and go work.

vey's mommy : i'm worried of his health. and one more thing. he never smile. i don't know whether he's happy or not here. he keeps everything to himself. he looks unhappy. i don't know. he's always tired and moody.

denise : *surprised*speechless*let out another nervous laugh* oh.. is it? hmm..

we continued talking bout other stuff for a while and hung up.

"he never smile. i don't know whether he's happy or not here". this phrase kept playing on my mind from the moment i heard it till now. and his mom sounded so worried.

knowing that broke my heart.

it really broke my heart.

why is he unhappy? why he never say it out?

and all this while, i thought he's having a great time kicking some new york ass.



[music on air]
new slang by the shins.

[current mood]
not good at all. i wish i could give him a big hug. a tight one.

[quote of the day]
never assume things. be sure of it.

[next station]
sleep!

the long-distance relationship.

so went to the halloween party at zouk last night with jennhoel, cheemeng, weileng, yeemei and her friends. korkor was there too. debb partied the night before so she didn't go. last night was the first night of partying after a month i stopped going to clubs. oh, saw melissa at the loft too. hehe.. it was a great party. but then, after i reached home around 4.30a.m, i couldn't sleep. i just curled up on my bed, under the comforter and enjoyed the chilly atmosphere in my room. before anything happens, i heard the alarm rang. 7.30a.m. i still couldn't sleep. so i took a hot shower, had my breakfast while watching 'the mask of zorro' on axn and went to work. slept for a while at work tho.

anyway, i did something terrible last night. hmm.. the purpose is to help her out. but when i thought about it today, there is another way to help her out. i just used the wrong approach. but then, i still think that it's not a very bad thing to do afterall.

and yea, i did something very impulsive today. haha! i bought a magazine. yes. CLEO. hahaha! i never really read magazines since high school, but i just don't know why i bought it. and to my surpirse, i read something interesting that i would like to post it up here. so here it goes..



LOVE. LONG DISTANCE.

"Out of sight, out of mind." Or is it, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"
The pickle of long-distance relationships and whether they can ever work continues to confound lovers the world over.

Be honest: When is the last time you heard of a successful long-distance relationship? We're not talking about the three-month stint to complete your degree overseas, or the six-month internship outstation. We're talking about serious love stories, the kind that makes you go all warm and fuzzy inside, the kind that lasts more than one year, with no hanky-panky in between, and which ends with a tearful reunion and marriage.

Real-life examples of successful long-distance relationships are few and far in between. Companies are not bound to transfer their employees' spouses with them wherever they go without good reason - without their partners, husbands and wives the world over would be falling in and out of love with strangers!

"Many people choose to give a long-distance relationship a try, with the constant curiosity if it was the right decision to make and if it even stands a chance," says Alina Ruigrok, a relationship expert. "The truth is, a long-distance relationship has just as much a distance of succeeding as any other relationship!" But is there anything that you can do to make your odds of it working out better?

You're not alone... are you?
Diane, a 24-year-old undergraduate, was seperated from her boyfriend of two years when he went to the United Kingdom to complete his post-graduatestudies, She remembers the sepration vividly: "We had spent so much time together during those two years," she says. "Studying, partying, loving... and suddenly, he was out of reach. Before, I always knew I could be next to him wheneverI wanted just by calling a taxi. But with him in England, that was not possible anymore."

According the Steven Blake, author of Loving Your Long Distance relationship, more than 10 million couples around the world, like Diane and her boyfriend, are coping with long-distance love affairs.University students, working couples, people in the armed forces and even Hollywood stars who spend their time making movies on opposite sides of the globe struggle to keep their love alive over great distances.

What's the one thing that is different between long-distance relationship or (for lack of a better word) "close-distance" ones? The answer: Seperation. two lovers could be seperated over miles of desert and sea, or simply by a wall three inches thick. It makes no difference: The fact is, you still cannot see their face, cannot touch them, cannot love them. [i personally don't agree with the "cannot love them" part. i still can love harvey. who said you can't love them when you're seprated?] You can talk to each other until the cows come home of course... but is that enough to keep a love affair going? The sceptics say no, of course. But others are more optimistic.

"A long-distance relationship takes away your ability to see each other on a frequent note, as well as the choice of being intimate whenever you desire, not to mention that there would be a major trust required," says Ruigrok. "Being unable to spend time together in a physical presence makes it harder to hang on to, but does not spell doom for your relationship."

Long-distance relationship can work provided both of you are into it as much as the other, and that's the only true caveat. In a normal relationships, if one person starts to lose interest, the other person is able to reignite the love by a simple touch or caress. Staring deep into the other person's eyes is often enough to remind them why they were once so much in love with you.

Watching the other person laugh out loud at your silly jokes, or to see his lustful gaze sweep across your body on a Friday night about town is sometimes all it takes to bring you back to where you were before.

Not so in long-distance relationships. Bereft of the senses of sight and touch, long-distance love affairs only have one thing to support them: A promise. It has to have an equal amount of commitment from both sides because that promise is all you've really got to hold onto. Sure you can talk and write to each other. But even if someone says, "I love you" over the phone everyday, how are you supposed to actually feel loved? You can know you're loved, of course - he's no liar, you know that much. But can you feel loved if you never feel his breath on your cheek or fingers in your hair? [okay, this is quite what's on my mind few months back. haha!]

Diane's relationship did not survived the test. Other men started showing her attention while her boyfriend was away, and she was lonely enough to appreciate their intentions. Fortunately for her, she didn't have to be the one to end it - turns out her boyfriend was having the same trouble, and when he called her one night to break the news that he'd "found someone else", she was not sure if she broke into tears of heartbreak or relief.

"We barely spoke to each other," says Diane. "In the first month, my phone bill soared to over RM1,000. My parents flipped, and when we had to limit ourselves to short phone callls every fortnight or so. It was so difficult convincing myself that I still belonged to him six months later, to feel like I was in a loving relationship. So when other guys started courting me, I succumbed. [i think she didn't love her boyfriend very much. if they really love each other, that wouldn't happen.]

Diane and her boyfriend tried letters, too, but there were too few and far in between. She remembers feeling a guilty lump in her throat whenever she founds a letter with an England stamp in her post box. "I wish I wasn't doing anything wrong - just some coffee dates and innocent stuff like that. But the fact that I could even agree to that made me realise that my feelings towards him were not as strong anymore, and that was upsetting," Diane recalls.

Technology helps... or does it?
Some say Diane could have tried modern tachnology to help her keep in touch with her boyfriend more frequently. What with instant messaging, SMS, email and Internet telephony, you'd think that keeping the flame burning despite being apart would be easier than ever. Sadly, it's not. The problem has always been finding the will to stay in touch. If a long-distance relationship is going to fail, it's not going to do so for lack of technology, but lack of commitment. [true. very true.]

"If you want your bond to stay strong and loving, you have to hear from one another often, leaving as little room for any of you to start getting paranoid about anything," advises Ruigrok.

There are more ways to keep in closer contact with each other these days than ever before. New technologies and services pop up all the time that make communication cheaper and more fulfilling. But all of it can do nothing if the two of you are not commited to the relationship, and are ready to face the hazards a long-distance love affair entails: Jealousy, envy, loneliness and paranoia (the cancer of all long-distance relationships - when both of you constantly worry about the other person's level of commitment, and are afraid of losing them)

Once you're aware of the chanllenges in long-distance relationship, it becomes much easier to anticipate the problems that will arise and to plan for them. The first and most important thing many couples seem to forget is that their seperation is not indefinite - in most instances, there is a planned time for being away (completing a degree, fulfilling a contract), after which the person who has gone away is supposd to return. Kepping that moment in the horizon, much like you would the last day of school, will help you remain focused.

It also helps if the two of you talk about the time ahead as much as pissible as it approaches, reminding yourselves that your time apart is temporary and you have all the you'll want with each other up ahead. Beware the partner who prefers to be vague about how long he's going to be away.

"You do not want to end up waiting forever," warns Ruigrok. "There will be a day when you and your partner will have to start planning a serious future. If your partner truly loves you and wants to be with you, then he would not want to wait forever to be with you." [ouch.]

Change is good... or is it?
Even worse is waiting for that day, and then learning it was all for nothing. People change - especially young people - when they stay in different countries. Even if your relationship survives the time and distance apart, there is a very good chance you will reunite only to find that you don't like each other anymore.

Some girls will no doubt find these changes nice - foreign-accented boyfriends are always nice to show off among friends. [eww.. if harvey comes back with a weird accent, i'll just ask him to shut up. haha!] But like them or not, changes are inevitable, especially if the seperation involves different countries. You cannot expect someone to go abroad to study or work and not return at least a little altered. Diane, for instance, found herself rather glad she did not wait for her boyfriend when she met him upon his return (they wanted to remain friends).

"He came back with an awful English accent and arrogance that i dislike immediately," she says. "Before he left he was courteous, kind, even friendly. But now he was like 'Oh you know in England we do this and that'... as though he were English and not Malaysian!"

If you manage to stay in touch frequently, then you will grow with these changes, of course. But even then, you might find them unacceptable. One of the reasons that Diane tired of the late-night phone conversations with her boyfriend, rare as they were, was because all he ever talked about was himself. "Typical of people that study overseas, he began to think of himself as superior to the rest of us, I guess," Diane says, not a little bitterly. "He was overbearing. Lecturing me bout everything like a bloody university lecturer!"

Finding the will - and means - to stay in touch is probably the hallmark of all successful long-distance relationships. But the quality of your communication is even more important. Even if your time to speak to each other is unlimited, make sure it's time well spent. If either of you spends too much time talking about your problems, or yourselves, then all you do is make the conversations unhappy ones, full of anger and frustration. Don't waste time bickering about how one of you makes more effort than the other to call, or why the other person is never at home. Don't waste time crying because it only racks up the phone charges and makes the other person sad. And whatever you do, never accuse or hint at the other person being unfaithful - that's when paranoia sets in, and when the sleepless nights begin.

Make an effort to make sure you bring joy to other person in your brief messages. Remind him all the things he loves about you, and remind yourself about the things that you love about him. The more smiles you send each other over the miles (yes, they can travel through phone line and Internet!), the happier both of you will be, and the better your odds are of making your long-distance relationship work.


At a dead end? Red flags that your long distance lover is not as serious about it as you are :

He never calls. It doesn't matter who can make calls more cheaply. If he makes no effort to his bank and call you at least now and then, there is a pretty good chance he's having much fun without you to call.

He never talks about the future. He might say things like, "Well talk about the future when I/you get back, ok? For now, let's deal with the present." This means he's unsure about the future with you because he may have other options where he is that he wants to explore. (but of course, he's not going to tell you that.)

He makes no plans to get together with you. A lover - a real lover -will always try to overcome the odds and find at least some time to spend with you. He could save money to buy a ticket for you to come see him (or the other way round), he could organise a company trip to his hometown (where you are, convenient enough!), he may even plan a vacation to somewhere in between and ask you to meet him there. If he does nothing like this over the course of a year or two, he's just not willing to put in the effort. Note: Remember you can make the same plans so don't be shy!

He prefers email instead of phone calls or instant messaging. Of course, email is cheaper than phone calls. But although this might be his main contention, there are other benefits to email which he won't mention. Firstly, he does not have to make sure his room is quiet to answer email. Secondly, he does not have to answer email immediately, unlike instant messaging. Thirdly, if he goes on a romp with a girl, he can always say that the local internet connection was "down" over the weekend. How will you ever know?

You start getting interested in other men. It's not always the man's fault, you know. Sometimes, a relationship can end with you. Make sure you regconise the signs that you are losing interest in maintaining a long-distance relationship, and be honest with yourself about it - you won't be the first, and you won't be the last. Be sure to also fair to him, and tell him how you feel. He may try to change your mind, but you can't blame him for that.