The Dreams.

i'm supposed to be doing my assignment now. but seriously, my mind is like... blocked. i can't think of anything to write. and the due date... is tomorrow. i'm a deadmeat.

i dreamt of harvey again. those dreams started to annoy me. lately, all my dreams are so bad. and sad.. let me write out what happened..

so i finally went to meet him. we dropped by this stinky and dirty office. i can't remember why we're there. so i sat on the chair where there's a table for us to do paperwork. sitting beside me was this normal looking black guy, doing his work. and beside him was a woman, reading the newspaper. and harvey, i don't know where he went. and suddenly, i automatically know the reason we went there. (haha!) [to get some "stuff"] harvey told me that he desperately need it and that black guy sitting beside me is the dealer. and i talked to him. he gave me some signals that the girl beside him is an undercover cop. (HAHAHA!) so i left my contact number to him and walked off. (okay, stupid dream.stupid thing to do.) and while we're walking, i told him bout my assignment, which have not been done and the due date is tomorrow and i'm at new york!!! (still thinking bout assignment while i'm asleep..) so i told harvey about it and he said, "you're oversea. he(the lecturer) will understand if you pass it up later." (hahaha!!!) so after walking a few blocks, there's this road that we have to cross. and suddenly harvey walked before me and crossed the road. then i looked right, no car. i look left, there's a bus coming but it's very far away. so i cross it.. just before i got to the other end, the bus passed by just two inches in front of me! i nearly got knocked down by a BUS. i was numb that time and i thought i was dead. (it's very real!). so harvey came to me and pulled me back to the corner of the road. i was speechless. and shocked. i cried on his shoulder and the next thing i heard..... was his snore. -_-: i woke up and went back to sleep, hoping that i'll never have a dream like that again.

i still don't know how to do the assignment..


[music on air]
when i come around by greenday.

[current mood]
still numb.

[quote of the day]
screwed is not the word. deadmeat is more like it.

[next station]
do assignment. wash bedsheet. clean up room. stressed!

the misconception.

so i was walking to the bus station after work this evening and i saw something ugly. the scene of people spitting and blowing their nose on the sidewalk. okay, it's not something that we've never seen in malaysia. well, at least it's something that i always see whenever i'm at the bus station. and also, men who can walk and talk normally, asking money from other people. and some people give them money so that they will leave with their smelly clothes. and i wonder... why they have to do that? can't they just clean themselves up and look for a job? can't they go to those shelter homes or maybe church to seek some help? i'm sure there's places that helps those unfortunate people.

and also, i walked pass this two people, a couple i guess. the girl was holding some tissues on her hand and she just toss it down the small water-exit to the drain. those holes along the roadside was actually designed to get the water flowing during heavy rain. to avoid flood. and some people just threw rubbish in that hole, assuming that it's a rubbish bin. and people always complain about how slow the water flow when it's raining heavily. thanks to those people who assumed that those tiny holes every 3-4 feet along the raod is a rubbish hole.

the story.

i woke up feeling ugly+fat+stupid+angry+crazy today. and yesterday.

let me start with yesterday.

okay, normally, i will wake up at 7a.m and switch on the monitor to see if harvey's online. that's a routine. everyday. without fail, i will turn it on at 7a.m and turn the speaker volume to the highest so that when i go back to sleep, i'll know if he goes online. but everyday without fail, he did not go online and i will go back to sleep like usual. i was thinking about him the day before yesterday though. and yesterday, i woke up at 7a.m like usual. but i thought, since that i didn't see him online lately, i assumed that he's not online and went back to sleep without bothering to go to the pc. so, i finally woke up at 9.30a.m and switch on the monitor. and guess what? yes. i think you guys guessed it right. i saw his messages in yahoo messenger. offline text. and it says there, "harveybaby has signed out at 9.24a.m". GREAT huh? there goes a day, missing him more.


so, i was sitting at this chinese shop for a hot drink. it's been raining since morning so i decided to hang around there. i was sitting there alone, watching the rain. around half an hour after that, there's this bunch of guys came. i think there's around 8-10 of them. one of them were pulling chairs from other tables for the rest of his friends. i looked up. and i saw a familiar face. i walked nearer to him and stood in front of him. i just kept my eyes on his. he stopped what he's doing and looked at me. words can't come out of my mouth at all as i was too shocked to see him there. he just stood there and look at me. after a while, i began to feel angry. angry because he didn't seem to care. angry because he didn't tell me that he's there. after a few seconds of staring, i angrily took my bag and walked off. i walked in the rain. and i never felt so sad walking in the rain. my anger covered my eyes at that moment. i couldn't think of anything else to do but to leave that place. to be away from him. but deep down inside, i really wanted to give him a big hug and tell him how i feel. how happy i was seeing him there. after walking a few yards, i looked back. he's not there. he didn't stop me from walking away. i looked up and i saw the water dropped like crystal falling from the sky. i closed my eyes to feel the rain drops. when i opened my eyes, i realised that it was only a dream. but i felt tears in my eyes.

and that person i saw in that dream, it was harvey.

it seems so real. the feeling still lingers until now. and i swear i can feel the raindrops.

seriously, if he ever comes back without telling me beforehand and meet other people before me, i'm gonna kill him. i'm sure i'm gonna kill him.

haha.

part of me wished that it was true. at least i got a chance to see him and get mad. at least i can stare at him without saying a word. at least he's right in front of me.


i looked in the mirror this morning and i feel so fat. my face is like... bloated. and today was my bad hair day. and also, my pc didn't run yesterday. lagged like shit. and i thought i have to get it fixed one more time.. but i tried my luck just now and it runs normally. (well, after a few times of banging the casing and pulling off and pushing in those cables..)

this week is just not my week.

but not so bad though. i went to the flea market at mont kiara with my college friends yesterday. i bought a butterfly choker. black colored. something like crystal and it has tiny diamond-like stones on the body. going to shoe-hunt next week. *winkz* but i'm broke like shit. haha!


[music on air]
the middle by jimmy eat world.

[current mood]
moody.

[quote of the day]
believe in yourself in order to make others believe in ourself.

[next station]
watch tv.

the fairy tale.

remember the first time we met?
you grined at me
i smiled weakly and said "hi"
and i turned back and walked away
you thought that i was cocky back then
but you were all wrong.

remember the first time we talked?
i told you some of my thoughts
you sat there and listened patiently
never set your eyes off of me
at that moment, i figured that you are "the one" for me.

remember the first time you saw me crying?
you looked so worried and tried to comfort me
you told me jokes to make me happy
you told me that everything will be okay
that i can put it all away.

remember the first time you said you like me?
i told you that i feel the same way too
i can feel you smiling happily over the phone
our heart beats faster than running the marathon.

remember the first time you hold my hand?
you held it so tight, like you will never let it go
like it's so precious and so wonderful
like you found a missing part of yourself.

remember the first time you kissed me?
you watched me dozing off on the bed
and you placed your lips on my forehead
i thought i was dreaming and i made a wish
i wished that i will never wake up and stayed in that dream.

-15th oct 2005-



been not feeling very good lately. i mean.. emotionally. wanted to let it out. but somehow,things just keep on happening and i've got no time to let it out at all. been thinking a lot less lately. but still, it didn't feel right. at all.

i don't want to think so much of those things that i'm thinking. and i want to think about the things that i've not been thinking at all.

i always tell myself that everything will be okay soon. but nothing seems to be okay. i thought i can handle my emotions well. but i realised that i'm not handling it well at all.

everything seems to be so blurry now. i can't see what's ahead of me anymore. i can't see clearly. everything is so uncertain. so fake. just like a fairy tale.

the corruption.

http://corrupted-malaysia.blogspot.com

visit this site if you want to know more about Malaysia's policemen, court system and the experience of the innocents.

i felt sorry for them. the innocents. well, this kinda shit happens in Malaysia everyday. though it's not in the newspapers, tv news or other sources, it DOES happen. it's true.

hmm.. i don't understand why people like "old fart", who posted comments on the blog page, like to degrade other people and smash their hopes. if everybody in Malaysia think like the way he is thinking, well, i guess there will be no more justice in this place. ok, what he said was true but that is because nobody dares to speak up for their rights. what the writer in that blog did is the first step of protecting ones right in a country. furthermore, they're clinically tested and proved innocent.

hmm..

it reminds me of my friend's case. her 24 year-old younger sister was raped by a retired policeman last year. she gave birth to a baby boy this year. and she is mentally retarded since young. i got to know about this last week. and it's sad. her sister does not even know what is sex. and that old man who got her pregnant actually gave her some money everytime he rape her. yes. he GAVE some MONEY to her EVERYTIME. means.. it happened a few times before they got to know she's pregnant. and when her family members got to know, she's already 6 months pregnant (she's petite, so nobody noticed until she complained that she have stomachache).. she's mentally retarded, and she don't know what is sex and the word 'rape' and the consequences of it. people around her used to give her small amount of money whenever they see her on the street.. because of her condition. people sympathize her and give her money often. so, when that old man rape her and give her money, she thought that it's normal cos people always give her money. so now, my friend is fighting for her sister. yes. against a retired POLICEMAN. even her advisor told her that the possibility of winning the case is almost 0%, she still want to fight for it. because she's fighting against a government department. and what that old man did was terrible and he thought he can get away with it because he used to be a policeman and apparently, have A LOT of contacts in the police department. how cruel was that. and now, they are twisting the story, saying that it's the sister who "seduced" him. (he owns a mini market at her house area, she often go there to buy things like pencil, glu, etc). SEDUCED him? and also said that she did it willingly. WILLINGLY!!!! God! she doesn't even know what is he doing to her at that moment! of course she didn't fight back. it's because she DOESN'T KNOW. hmm.... but she still have other evidence. the son. they went to the doctor and checked his DNA. it's a match to the old man. definitely gotta be a match. since there is no other evidence, the DNA result will be the one and only prove that he is the one who got her pregnant. but there is still no evidence of him raping her. a tough case, huh? and my friend is gonna fight for her sister no matter what other people say. it's not about fighting against the government. it's about standing up for their rights. just because you have strong contacts doesn't mean that you can get away with crime. even if that old man got away with it, i'm sure guilt will haunt him every night before he goes to sleep every night.

ugly huh?

and i wonder why they say Malaysia is a beautiful country with beautiful people when all we have out there is big fat ugly corrupted cops and gutless big-mouthed citizens.


[music on air]
judge jules'.

[current mood]
confused. proud to be Malaysian? or not?

[quote of the day]
Time is too slow for those who wait,
Too swift for those who fear,
Too long for those who grieve,
Too short for those who rejoice,
But for those who love,
time is eternity.

the depression.

i went for a movie with wei leng and swee sum. watched 'the longest yard'. it was nice. well.. at least it's not a sad movie..

been quite depressed lately. i don't know how to let it out. i began to wonder if i'm really depressed. i wonder what is depression. what is sadness? and what is happiness? what am i feeling lately...? i have no idea. i felt strange. all i want to do is cry myself out.. but that is the thing that i couldn't do. i can't even drop a single tear.

i remember what my lecturer back in Stamford told me when i talked to him last two years. i was trying to surpress myself from crying when i talked to him. but at towards the end of our conversation, i cried.. yet, i was holding back my tears.. i don't want to look weak in front of others. then he told me, "denise, you don't even know how to cry in a proper way." that's exactly what he said to me. and i thought, "i AM crying now.. how can he said i don't know how to cry?" and i'm still wondering why he said that to me.

serious fuck, i really feel like crying myself out and go to sleep and wake up to be a happier person the next day.


[music on air]
qi li xiang by jay zhou.

[current mood]
not good.

[quote of the day]
you'll learn how to live when you've learned how to die.

the subjective.

love... it's very subjective... you can try to forget it.. you can stop thinking about it.. you can stop caring for it. but you can't perish it. no matter how hard you try to get rid of it, it's still there. want it or not.. you can't get rid of it. it'll linger around you with or without your desire.

hmm.. daddy's sick today. sigh~ and i got scolded for nothing. ok.. not scoldings but nags... i asked him yesterday night whether he went to see the doctor or not.. he said no. so i thought, maybe he's getting better, so he doesn't want to go. but this morning, when he got back from i-don't-know-where, he just nagged non stop.. saying something like.. "i'm sick and i have to cook breakfast for you guys... bla bla... i went to the clinic MYSELF and the doctor said i should've asked someone to drive me.. bla bla...i'm so weak that i couldn't walk.. bla bla.." i'm like.. "what the fuck man??" ugh!!! i just kept quiet the whole time he nagged... i've asked him before, he said he's not going to the clinic.. fine.. i told him not to prepare the breakfast the night before, he said no.. and this morning, he nagged.. so tell me, what the heoul?

hmm...

life's been bumpy lately. went through tough shits. learned a lot. more than what i thought that i've learned. getting by now..

i've done things that i'm not so proud of.. i've done things that made people around me worried sick about me.. i've done things to make other people's day.. i've done things that a best friend doesn't do.. i've done things to fit in.. i've done things that made other people think.. i've done things that annoyed people.. i've done things that makes me feel good.. i've done things that makes me feel terrible..

even so, there are still a LOT of things that i haven't tried to do.. lol! well.. i begin to feel "old" now.. tired of doing things that used to make me feel great.. tired of trying hard to make things happen.. so i guess i'll just let it be..

i miss my sister and her friends... and i seriously miss talking to harvey.. hmm...


[music on air]
fantasy by mariah carey.

[current mood]
i'm in a wear-skimpy-clothes mood... haha!

[quote of the day]
never judge a book by its cover.

the sleepless nights.

i can't sleep. it's been a few nights that i can't sleep when i want to. been sick for few days. and everytime when i'm about to sleep, my throat itches and i started sneezing and coughing non stop. sigh~ i seriously wanna sleep NOW... but been tossing and turning on my bed for an hour.. still can't sleep. i wonder what's happening.. i don't want to be late to class tomorrow morning.. there'll be a test.. fuck ballz.... talking bout test... reminds me of my assignments.. i don't even know what is it all about!! i have NO IDEA what to do... shit ballz... i'm in a big trouble this time... i don't wanna fuck things up again..

seriously.. i really really wanna sleep...

been thinking about harvey lately.. i wonder how is he doing. i think about him a lot.. but then again... i think i've been thinking bout love a lot less lately. no, not that i love him less.. i just think less bout love now. now, for me, love is like... it's just a word.. like any other words.. meaningful when you're really into it.. meaningless when it turns out ugly..

i don't want to think about it so much though. perhaps i'm afraid of it.. afraid of the outcome at the end of the day.. afraid of losing it.. so, might as well think less and worry less bout it, right?

i'm going to try sleeping now..


[music on air]
qing tian by jay zhou.

[current mood]
lovesick.

[quote of the day]
it's just the way we look at it.

memories with the crack family.

i miss The Crack Family. a LOT!! i missed the first berbuka puasa with them on saturday... sobz...! next week.. they promised next week..........

when i come to think of it, though i never really hang out with The Crack Family a lot, i've learned many things through our various conversations while we're trippin'..

i still remember the first time i went to my sister's place after party. haha..! it was awesome! at first, everything i saw were sooooooooo nice.. the lights, the colors, the feeling, the atmosphere. PERFECT. well... almost perfect. then, i think about one hour after that, i went to the balcony for a cigarette. fazral and man were there too. so, we're like.. talking and laughing.. all of a sudden, i felt a pang in my heart... then i told them, "eh, takut la..."... i was sitting in the middle that time, but they were facing me. fazral on my right, man on my left. then fazral said, "eh.. eh... eh... jangan takut... berdiri.. berdiri.." so i did as he said... i stood up, then i squat down... i did that a few times and i felt better. and then.. we started talking and teasing each other.. i still remember our conversation...

denise : eh.. you know... actually, i miss my sister a lot...
man : ye ke? hmm..
fazral : it's ok la.. she's busy..
denise : i know la.. that's why i didn't kacau her always.
fazral : next time, we go back to your place and hang. ok?
denise : i actually miss hanging with her a lot.. but when i see her, i pretend that i didn't miss her.. ego i guess.. (started to get emotional)
fazral : hehe... you still remember how long we know each other?
denise : of course la!! almost 5 years!! the day we sent mommy to the airport. (paused for a moment... thinking bout mommy)
fazral : yup!! dah lama kan?? *grins*
denise : yeah.. mommy... i missed her a lot too... you know.. that night was the first time i hugged her as a teenager.. (getting MORE emotional..)
fazral : nah.. it's okay.. nanti bila dia balik, you can hug her and tell her that you love her la..
denise : hmm... yeah... (paused for few seconds).. yeah.. and harvey.. i also miss him a lot... you know.. i didn't send him to the airport... (getting more and MORE emo...)
fazral : oh.. ye ke?? why ah?
man : because you don't want to see him leave?
denise : yalor!!! but actually i really wanted to send him.. i miss him...
fazral : it's ok la.. nanti bila you holiday, go find him..
denise : (kept quite...)

after few seconds.. i felt tears strolling down my cheeks...

man : eh denise.. kenapa diam?? (looking at me..)

after a while...

man : eh!! denise... (looking closer...and took off my shades.. ) alamak! eh.. denise.. jangan nangis... jangan nangis...

fazral : takmau nangis..takmau nangis...

both of their hands rubbed off my tears on each side of my cheeks at once..

denise : i don't want to cry.. but i don't know why tears came falling down.. i rememebred harvey told me not to cry. or when i do, i can only cry for ten minutes..

man + fazral : ok.. ok...

then debb came out... gave me a hug and promised me that she'll come home often.. that we'll hang out more too... she asked me why i cry..

denise : fazral la... (put all the blame on fazral..) he talk bout u, then i thought of mommy, then harvey... ish!! jahat la.. (hahahahahah!!!)

i remember crying myself out that night.. after a while...

man : eh denise... ten minutes already... cannot cry...
denise : oh is it?? okay!!! (smiled HAPPILY as if nothing happens and went to the pc station to kacau korkor...)

hahaha!!!!! THAT was my first time hanging out with them.. hehe...

another event that i can never forget... PD rave.. the best rave so far. i can still feel the happiness lingering inside me whenever i look at the photos or think about that night. great.. seriously, no words can describe how happy everybody was...

i remembered what korkor always tell me.. "be rational, not emotional.."

they were there when i needed someone to talk to.. and they're always there even though i know they're not listening when we're all tripping.. but they're always there to make me think less about my thoughts and made me feel good bout myself.

i'm gonna miss them a lot since that i can't hang out so often anymore.. since that i've promised harvey that i'm gonna stop doing what i've doing for the past two months..


i'll miss hanging out with them. The Crack Family.


[music on air]
Imitation Of Life by R.E.M.

[current mood]
better than bad.

[quote of the day]
sometimes, you just have to be truthful.

[next station]
dream?

The Thought.

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back."

i just watched 'Tuesdays With Morrie'. it made me think about many issues of my life. it certainly changes the way i think. a very nice movie indeed.

i'm going through the turning point of my teenage life. lotsa things that i'm not so certain of. but i certainly know and realised that i've done things which i'm not so proud of. but whatever it is, i'm glad that i still have harvey's love and trust.

i'm disappointed knowing that i won't be able to give harvey the thing that i've been thinking of giving him as a birthday present. i think i'll just postpone it to Christmas. haha!! i'm sure he don't mind. ekekeke....


[music on air]
Les Trésors Du Ciel by The Hypercubes.

[curent mood]
good.

[quote of the day]
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; But NEVER forget the blessings that comes each day.

[next station]
sleep.

The Sarcasm.

another amazing fact that i've discovered this morning..

girls can be VERY sarcastic whenever she wants to. (note: WHENEVER)

yes. girls. beware of their sarcasm whenever you're with one.

so, i was having trouble to sleep last night. i guess it must be the 3 hours afternoon nap i took. so i decided to watch dvd. "Himalaya Singh". i laughed my ass off all the way.. alone.. aih.. at that moment, i thought of harvey.. he used to be around at night, watching tv together, leaving only when he sent me to bed. i miss that..

i dreamt of him last night though... we had a GREAT time... a VERY good one.. haha.. (if you know what i mean..) ekekekeke.... >:)

i seriously miss my yummy sugar doughnut blueberry danish chicken pie chocolate muffin.


[music on air]
almost here.

[current mood]
good.

[quote of the day]
it's just words.

[next station]
meeting!

The Meaning.

too many things happened in just a week. and i've learned another lesson of my life...

i've always thought that i'm matured enough to think the way i am. i've always thought that i'm the right one. but when i really come to think of it, i'm not always right. i'm not as matured as people thought.

things happens and it happens for a reason. and i know the reason now.

i'm really blessed to have harvey, a person who can understand me and accept me for what i was, am and going to be. i'm wrong to think that he's selfish all this while. i'm the selfish one. not him.

i'm thankful to have a best friend who can really make me crack my head and think rationally without being emotional by just a few words of criticism from him.

greatful to have a bunch of crackheads surrounding me and trying to comfort me when i'm having a bad time. *grins*

i realised that i can't live without my family, harvey and my best friends.


i wonder what is a promise? is it just a word to make other people feel happy and secured? or is it something that can keep us going? i wonder why people make promises that they can't keep.. well, i made a promise too. a promise to harvey, jennhoel and myself.. a promise that i'm trying to keep. not so hard yet not easy to do.. haha! it's funny. how the two of them made me think. how much their words meant to me. how they made me a better person.

i can't wait to see harvey on semester break.. hehehe... just hope that everything will go on smoothly.. can't wait to see mommy too... muahxxx!!!


[music on air]
breathing by lifehouse.

[current mood]
happy.

[quote of the day]
life if full of irony.

[next station]
shower and sleep!!

the memories.

where have those days gone?
when we used to stop by the playground,
sitting on the swings, talking and laughing,
lying on the bench without a word,
staring at each other without a thought?

those days...
when we sit in the car,
listening to the radio,
holding each other's hand,
gazing the moon, which seems so near...

those days...
when we used to drive around town at night,
riding on the highway with tons of street lights,
trying to count the stars up the sky,
going to places that we never went,
wondering what our conversation meant.

those days...
when we have each other's shoulder,
when we don't mind lending our ears,
when we don't feel ugly if we shed a tear,
when we don't feel shy letting out our fears.

those days...
even a lil whisper of care meant a lot,
even a weak smile felt so warm,
when a simple gesture of hug was familiarity,
when a gentle kiss on the forehead was a sign of appreciation.

those days...
when we're there for each other,
sharing our ups and downs,
when we're growing separately without growing apart..

those were the days that i miss most..
days that i will never forget,
memories that will stay in my heart always,
memories that nothing can replace.

Thoughts.

Life is a journey, it's funny and calm for the most.

i don't understand why people just HAVE to think negatively. being so pessimistic. it really amazed me.. the way they can think of something which is totally the opposite way.. which is totally different from the reasons behind everything.. and it's annoying, knowing that they got all emotional and started thinking nonsense when all they need to do is to understand the situation by reasoning out with their right state of mind.

i don't fucking understand why certain people can be so fucking sensitive over another person, who's not in a right state of mind and taking everything they said and done so personal. what the fuck ballz? it's totally unfair and it's fucking childish to get all emotional over whatever fuck a person said or done while they're drunk or tripping. they should and they CAN think better than a crack-head. what really surprised me is that they don't fucking use their brains to think properly even though they are the sane ones.. what the hell is their problem man..?? seriously, it's fucking AMAZING how they think and response to certain situations.

i don't fucking understand ballz..


[music on air]
breathing by lifehouse.

[current mood]
clueless.

[quote of the day]
ANGELS EXIST but some times, since they don't all have wings, we call them FRIENDS.

[next station]
knit.

friends.

so i actually made it to jerome's birthday party.. (Happy Birthday dude!!) but i didn't know that it will turn out to be a disaster.. well, not exactly a disaster, but it just didn't turn out the way that i wanted.. but i'm glad that jenn hoel is there for me. once more.

and i hurted jerome's feeling without realising.. well.. i was just saying what exactly on my mind that time.. which is.. "i ONLY trust jenn hoel.." honestly, he's the only one whom i trusted among everybody else present yesterday night. ok.. i was a lil tipsy.. a lil emo.. and i cried.. i finally told jenn that i actually missed him a lot.. it's been few months since we talked. i told him that he don't seem to care anymore.. but i was wrong. i know he still care for me.. and i know why he don't want to talk to me for the past months.. because i did something that he doesn't like me doing. because i did something that everybody was against me doing.. well, almost everybody..

and i accidently injured myself last night. i didn't even know what happened.. i didn't even know how it happened.. i only realised that my hand was bleeding heavily.. blood all over my wrist.. (no, i did not cut my wrist.. it's the joint..) they said that i fell and cut myself with those broken glasses on the floor.. some said i broke the glass myself.. i have no idea which one is the truth.. fucking painful this morning.. another lesson to learn.. NEVER get drunk and try to walk fast. -_-:

not so happy lately.. i wonder where is everybody when i needed someone to listen to my silence.

i felt like talking to harvey now. but i couldn't call him... i don't know how to get him..



[music on air]
some chinese song.

[current mood]
depressed.

[quote of the day]
be strong. everything will be fine soon.

[next station]
talk and smoke with michelle.