reality bites.

i have so many things to write and bitch about. but i guess i'm over the "bitching" phase.

i'm quite amazed at myself sometimes. 

at my life.

nothing pretty my surprises me anymore at this very moment. i think i'll just take whatever it is given to me. 

i've learnt how to swallow it.

even if it's a chicken bone, i'll just swallow it.

happily. 

any donor?

can someone show me the way?

i'm very lost.

all this time, i've been searching and striving and searching... for something that i'm not sure of. something that is not there.

Sam (my very good ex boss) is right. i don't know what i'm searching for. 

now, i need to know what i'm looking for. i need time. a lot of it. but i'm afraid that i don't have the strength. 

okay.

i know i can do this. i can face this. yes. i can. 

but when?

a new beginning

started new job for a week and i can see that i'll be very very busy from now onwards. though the company is small, i know that i can learn a lot from there. hopefully everything will go smoothly for me. i cannot let myself and everyone around me down again. especially those who are close to me. especially my ex boss. especially Smelly. i cannot afford to hurt them again and again, seeing me go aimlessly not knowing my direction even though i'm already holding a map and compass. i cannot fail them endlessly. i cannot waste my time anymore. cos i'm not young already. i've got wrinkles forming in the corner of my eyes. fine lines are more visible on my neck. back is getting hurt from sitting too long in the office. sigh! signs of aging..

oh.. last weekend we had farewell dinner for Gary and Joyce. they're migrating to NZ. hope they will have a wonderful new life there. photos coming up soon... IF i have the time to arrange it.

went for a drink and some shopping with Ann. omg... it's been like.. a year since we last went out. good to know that we've not drifted apart, like most best friends do after a while not seeing each other. i'm so glad that i've wonderful besties. two is enough for me... quality is always more important than quantity ;)

p/s: ann, we should hang out more often yea?

bad decision made.

not the end.

far from the end.

the journey has just begun...

fuck you!

i've resigned.

yes. you read it correctly.

I'VE RESIGNED from the new job that i've worked just for 5 days. 

that fucking arrogant piece of shit director just made me realised that i've made a WISE decision to leave that company.

no wonder you don't have a long-term staff.

now i know why.

Farewell With A Heavy Heart.

I finally went in and see my boss.

I told him that I wanted to resign and he persuaded me to stay.

I nearly cried. I was kinda holding back those tears.

Of course, I also nearly thought of dropping the idea of resigning after what he told me. Some encouraging words of wisdom. But I didn’t succumb to that idea cos I know it’s not what I wanted. Though I know this is a very comfortable place to work in, a place where I can learn many things but at the end of the day, it’s not what I’m looking forward to. Like he said, “you already have the right attitude, just that you don’t have the passion. All you need is to put in a lil bit of effort and passion into what you’re doing. It’s not about job. It’s about the passion. You HAVE to like what you’re doing..”

I told him I don’t think I can be a good secretary. I don’t think I can do it.

“You cannot think that way. How do you know you can’t do it? Don’t look down on yourself… you have to think that you can… you have to have positive thinking…”

“I think this is not what I wanted and it’s not what I’m good at…”

So I told him that I’ve made up my mind and he also agreed that if my heart is not here, it’s difficult to do things. Totally agree.

I’m gonna miss having a nice boss like him!

S.A.F.S (Save A Fat Soul) wtf.

I’m worried.

I looked fat lately. Really fat. I feel fat. But strange thing is… I didn’t put on any weight and all my clothes still fits me like it used to.

How come leh?

Maybe because I feel ugly so I naturally feel fat too.

Damn.

I think it’s either because of my hair, or I’m already used to seeing myself in make-up.

And lately.. I think my nose is too big.. HUGE.

*Gasp! Horror!*

Am I becoming vainer?

Please.tell.me.i’m.not.

Thank you very much.

p/s- seriously.. I think my nose is very big.


******************************************

I don’t know about this anymore.

Hmm.

It’s a mixed feeling of irony, indecisiveness, heavy heart and curiosity.

Part of me wants it so badly. But another part of me doesn’t because I’ve fallen into the comfort zone. Not that I cannot adapt to changes. But then… I’m more than happy to live in comfort than to live in surprises. Seriously. But I don’t mind surprises since it’ll bring excitement.

I seriously need a professional advice.

Anyone care to help a lost fat soul?

maybe unfit?

I don’t understand why some MOST people had to use the lift even if it’s only ONE FLOOR up/down!!! Got staircase cannot use meh? Walk one floor up/down is very difficult meh?? Hphh! Because of you people, people like ME, had to stop floor by floor before reaching my destination! UGH!
-end of rant-

It’s already April! One more month tour trip! Oh.. Deric and Shirley might be coming along too. Yay! The more the merrier! Hopefully they won’t ffk last minute though.

Oh.. Supposed I booked the flight at noon, but I think they cancelled their 12pm flight and we had to reschedule to either 3pm or 9am. So I changed it to 9am cos more time for us there! Hehe.

I’ve been refraining myself from buying any clothes, shoes and accessories lately cos I wanted to get everything there cos it’s so very the cheap compared to here! (ok lah.. maybe not shoes.. but I’ll try my best not to buy anything form now on except for food… ok.. and cigarettes).

I seriously can’t wait for it man!

*****************************************

Today is like… quite a very dull day. Boss went for a workshop for SMC so there’s nothing much to do. I’m beginning to feel that I’m not much of a help to him and what Vincent said all this while (to which, I very agree!) that I’m not fit to be a personal assistant/secretary/whatever you wanna call it. Seriously, I think it’s very true lor! I don’t have a good memory. I can’t concentrate in something that I’m not interested in ie: meetings. I’m not super well-organized compared to other PAs. I just.. ok, I admit it.. I just can’t sit still all day long. That’s so not me.

As much as I tried stopping myself comparing the current job to the previous ones, I found myself stuck in the thoughts more. I’m trying hard. But I’m not sure if I’m giving my best (ugh.. confidence issue..) gah! Whatever.

*****************************************

Things happen for a reason. And I hope I don’t have to always find a reason for an excuse.

Complaint Letter

I wrote a complaint letter on behalf of my boss today.


Excerpt from the letter:

As your Platinum Cardmember, I am very disappointed with the slow service
that I received yesterday, especially the reason given by Marina, which
made me feel that she is unwilling to help and definitely did not attempt to
go extra mile to solve the problem. This is very upsetting and troublesome
to me. If this will be the service and efficiency that I will be receiving as a
Platinum Cardmember, I will not hesitate to cancel the card immediately.

After my boss read it, he decided not to send the letter.

He said I was too harsh. He was like.. “I never knew you are good at writing complain letters!”

“cos I used to work as customer service before. We receive and read a lot of complain letters frequently =P ”

He replied, “Don’t put names la.. I think it’s not so nice lah… hmm… tell you what.. Let’s just forget about it.. I’ll just stop using the card. No need send lah..”

Sobz…

Why my boss so nice one… made me feel bad. Bleh!

Another Insignificant V Day.

So I celebrated Valentine’s Day working at Genting. Smelly and some friends came and booked an apartment at Ria though. I joined them as soon as I finished packing my things. The gala dinner ended around 11pm and by the time I’m done packing, it’s already midnight.

We stayed one night there and the next day, we went for late lunch and hang around before going back home. Oh, we did a video too. LOL! Will upload once I get the link.

V day is just another normal day to us. Well, the most significant V day was the first year we celebrated together, which is year 2006. We went to Bagan Lalang, Morib, for cheap yet superb delicious seafood dinner. And that was the only year that I remembered receiving and giving Valentine’s present. Hehe..

Just a week before V day, I asked Smelly, “What did we do last year? Where did we celebrate our V day last year?” and he replied with a, “Hpmhh!! How can you forget! We went for dinner!”

Hah! I knew it! he forgot about it too! Haha..

“Where we had our dinner?” I asked.

“Got lah…”

“You also forgot, don’t say I didn’t remember lah.. bluek!”

That’s how insignificant our Valentine’s Day. I remembered the year before; we celebrated few days earlier at Ritz Carlton. I was still working with Marriott so the rooms at Ritz are cheap. And the service is best! I can’t remember what we did last year at all. I remembered it falls on Chinese New Year.. But I’m sure we went out for dinner or something, with friends. Yea.. we usually celebrate anything and everything with friends. Valentines Day, Christmas, Birthdays, New Year, Chinese New Year, Public Holidays, etc.

Oh.. I found my 2007 V Day post. LOL!

Note how every year I will say "still no flowers, no chocolates, no other gifts".. and how I will make cards for my other half? hehe.. I guess those card-making, present-hunting, romantic getaway planning, mushy talking days are over for me.

I prefer hassle-free quality time with loved ones now ;)

sigh!

i just found out that my office blocked kennysia.com and cheeserland.com

ugh! the reason?

since when those two blogs fall in those categories? since when they block blogs?? gah!!

so far, i just found out about these two. i think i should stop reading blogs at work. (shh... i only do it before finish work..)

bleh!